


Straight As A Bendy Straw

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bullying, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, Happy Ending, Heartbreaking, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Self-Harm scars, Mentions of self-harm, Possessive!Jensen, Possessive!Misha, Schoolyard fights, Soulmate AU, Soulmate Tattoos, Soulmates, Teen love, Too many feels, cuteness, mentions of bullying, protective!jensen, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:41:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8613265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: In a world where finding your soulmate has become almost common, Misha and Jensen grow up together, both of them wishing with all of their hearts that the other was their soulmate.  As the years go by and neither of them end up finding their soulmate, Jensen wonders if he’ll ever meet his, and Misha wonders when Jensen is going to get a clue. This leads to revelations and a happily ever after was far too long coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I HAD THE PLEASURE OF WORKING WITH THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTIST (EXCUSE ME WHILE I DIE OVER DEAN'S FRECKLES ALL OVER AGAIN, BECAUSE THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE), AND YOU SHOULD GO FOLLOW FRECKLEDANDFEATHERED OVER [HERE](http://freckledandfeathered.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> LINKS TO THE AMAZING PIECES OF ART CAN BE FOUND [HERE](http://freckledandfeathered.tumblr.com/post/152552224685/title-straight-as-a-bendy-straw-author)!! You should go flail over them, because the art is AMAZING and I want to cry with joy every time I look at it.

 

Age Sixteen -

 

"What do you mean that you're not straight?" Jensen asked, staring at his best friend in shock. Misha merely laughed at him and flopped onto his bed and Jensen absolutely didn't look at the way that his t-shirt was clinging to his back.

 

"I'm not straight," Misha repeated, sitting up on the bed a little bit. "Pansexual is the right word, I think, but hey, if it helps, think of it this way." He bounced up and sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbing Jensen's hands to tug him a little bit closer. "I'm as straight as a bendy straw. I can be straight sometimes. Other times, you can damn near put a loop in me."

 

Jensen burst out laughing, even though his heart was aching as Misha gave him a bright grin and flopped back onto the bed. "A bendy straw? Seriously Misha?"

 

"Hey, it's a good analogy!" Misha said, lifting a finger in protest. "Don't diss it."

 

Jensen flopped down on the bed next to him. "Yeah, yeah," he said, smiling over at Misha. "You'll find some guy or girl who is going to make you stupidly happy. Would have sucked if there was a guy out there who was your soulmate who didn't want to admit that they wanted you."

 

Misha scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Come on now, Jen, everyone wants me, and that is a simple fact of life!"

 

Jensen snickered and gave Misha a shove, moving him over on the bed so he had room to stretch out. "How did you know?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Misha.

 

Misha shrugged. "I stare at guy’s butts just as often as girls. That was a bit of a clue. I blame your football practices."

 

"Do you stare at my butt?" Jensen asked, looking over at Misha.

 

Misha smirked, waggling his eyebrows. "Of course I do, you have the prettiest butt of them all."

 

Jensen choked and stared at Misha with wide eyes until Misha dissolved into laughter, laughing so hard that he was holding his sides. He bit down on his lip and told himself that Misha had just been joking, that of course Misha wasn't staring at his butt.

 

Even if he kinda wanted Misha to, a little bit.

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Five -

 

"Mom?" Misha asked, tugging on his Mom's skirt. "Are you and Daddy soulmates?"

 

She smiled and knelt down, brushing her fingers through his hair. He still hadn't lost all of his baby fat, but he was the most adorable little boy that she would ever see. "Yeah, baby, we are. Why?"

 

Misha bit down on his lip and looked up at her. "Because I think I found mine," he whispered, holding tightly onto her dress.

 

Her eyes widened and she knelt down to look at him, at the way his cheeks were bright pink and she smiled. "Did you? Are they nice?"

 

Misha nodded. "He's the best. He beat up the bullies who were picking on me today. Can he come over tomorrow?"

 

Rebecca’s smile widened. "Absolutely. That sounds like the right kind of boy to come home with you. I'd love to meet him. What's his name?"

 

"Jensen A-Ackles, but don't call him Jenny," Misha said, looking up at her. "Jen is okay though. I call him that."

 

She grinned and ruffled his hair. "All right, how about you ask him if he can come over the day after tomorrow and he'll ask his Mom?"

 

"He's asking his Mom today," Misha said, biting down on his lip. "He doesn't live far! Just over on, on, Grant street!"

 

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. "That's only three blocks."

 

"I know!" Misha said, smiling at her. "We walk six blocks to the library, so Jensen is closer than the library, which means I can visit him on weekends!"

 

Rebecca laughed and smiled at him again. "We'll see how the first visit goes and then you can figure out what you're going to do on weekends, okay?"

 

Misha nodded eagerly. "Will you bake your cookies?"

 

"My, my aren't you demanding. I'll see what I can do about cookies before tomorrow, but you have to get your homework done," she said, urging him into the living room.

 

Misha ran and grabbed his backpack and pulled out his homework, putting it on the table so he could get started on it.

 

Rebecca smiled at him from the doorway when the phone rang. She picked it up, still watching Misha as he stuck his tongue out, working through the problems. "Hello?"

 

"Hello, this is Donna Ackles."

 

Rebecca relaxed and leaned back against the wall. "So I hear that Jensen rescued Misha on the playground today. Is he all right?"

 

"He's fine, he's got a few bruises, but his big brother couldn't be more proud of him if he tried," Donna said, smiling. "Are you all right with Jensen coming over tomorrow? I can drop both of the boys off after school if you want."

 

"That would be great. Do you want me to have him home in time for dinner? Around six?"

 

Donna laughed. "If you aren't ready to throw them both out before then, that would be perfect."

 

Rebecca laughed. "I'm sure that I'll be fine. Is Jensen all right with coming over?"

 

"He gave me his best pout, which he only reserves for the really important things, so I would say he is more than fine with coming over," Donna said, looking at where her son was doing homework on the table.

 

"Excellent, then I'll see you tomorrow," Rebecca said, leaning against the wall.

 

"Sounds good," Donna agreed.

 

Rebecca hummed and checked the cabinets. It looked like they had everything that they needed. She started pulling the ingredients out, piece by piece and started dinner as well.

 

When Misha came in later, and settled at the table, giving her a plaintive look, Rebecca smiled and tried to ignore him until she pulled the cookies out of the oven. The gasp behind her had her giggling as she put the cookies on the stove to cool.

 

"Mom, is-"

 

"Yes, Jensen is coming over tomorrow. Donna is going to pick the both of you up from school and bring you here," Rebecca said, smiling at her son when he gave a whoop for joy and catapulted himself out of the chair to hug her legs.

 

"Thank you, thank you thank you!" Misha said, hugging his Mom even tighter than before.

 

~!~

 

The next day, Rebecca had to admit that she was a little excited to see this friend (and supposed soulmate) of Misha's. She made sure that she was waiting out in the front when a silver car she didn't recognize pulled into the driveway. Both of the boys immediately tumbled out of the backseat and she laughed, watching as they ran past her and into the house, Misha talking a mile a minute.

 

She headed over to the car and smiled at the woman in the front seat. "I'm sorry, he talks a lot when he's excited."

 

"It's more than fine. I don't think I've seen Jensen laugh that much in a long time," Donna said, stepping out of her car, holding out her hand. "Donna Ackles, it's a pleasure to meet you."

 

Rebecca shook her hand firmly and returned the introduction and glanced back to the house. "I should make sure that they aren't destroying things, or ruining their dinner with the cookies I made."

 

Donna laughed. "Sounds good. I'll see you in a few hours."

 

Rebecca waved and headed into the house, only to see Misha and Jensen in the living room, their homework spread out in front of them. She raised an eyebrow. "You boys can wait to do homework later," she said.

 

Misha shook his head. "Nope! Jen needed help and I promised him that I was going to help!"

 

Rebecca smiled at both of the boys and nodded. "All right, you two have fun. You can each have two cookies when you are ready for a snack."

 

Misha gave her a wide grin and immediately turned back to his friend. Rebecca headed into the kitchen and watched them from the small window, chuckling at the sight of them, heads together, whispering non-stop.

 

"See, I told you my Mom would have cookies, she always has cookies when we have company," Misha whispered, grinning at Jensen.

 

"Lucky, my Mom says cookies are only special occasions," Jensen said, looking down at their science.

 

Misha leaned over and pressed a kiss to Jensen's cheek. "Well, you are the specialist of occasions, so of course we should have cookies."

 

Rebecca watched Jensen turn a dark red, staring at Misha in surprise and she couldn't help covering her mouth as she giggled, because that had been the most adorable thing.

 

"I don't think my Mom will agree," Jensen said dubiously, rubbing his cheek. "Boys don't kiss boys," he added, looking at Misha.

 

Misha blinked in confusion and turned to look at Jensen. "Of _course_ they do silly. Matt has two Dads and they kiss all of the time. Boys can kiss whoever they want as look as the other person wants to."

 

Rebecca chewed on her lip and watched Jensen carefully, hoping that this wouldn't ruin the friendship between each of the boys already. She and Richard had been very firm in teaching Misha how important it was to love whomever you wanted, and that it was their choice, but not all parents taught their kids that way.

 

"Oh," Jensen said, shrugging. "Okay. Cool." He leaned up and kissed Misha on the cheek. "There, now we're even. How do you do this math problem?"

 

"Oh! I know this one!" Misha said, taking the pencil from Jensen and erasing the notes that he had made. "See, you gotta..."

 

Rebecca stepped back into the kitchen, smiling to herself. It looked like the two of them would get along just fine together.

 

~!~

 

Five forty five came far too soon, and both of the boys were playing go fish when Rebecca came in to interrupt them. "Time to take Jensen back home."

 

"Awwwwww," Misha whined, looking up at his Mom. "Does he have to?"

 

She smiled and knelt down. "Yeah, he needs to be home for dinner. But how about you come walk with us and I'll take you both with me."

 

"Okay!" Misha said, jumping to his feet.

 

"Go put your shoes on, both of you, then pack up your backpacks, okay?" she urged, gesturing towards the doorway. Both the boys hurriedly yanked their sneakers on and then grabbed their backpacks. She checked to make sure that they hadn't forgotten anything and followed them outside.

 

"Mom?" Misha asked, looking up at her. "Can I hold Jensen's hand instead of us both holding yours?"

 

"Yes," Rebecca agreed, watching as Misha immediately shifted to Jensen's other side and grabbed his free hand. She smiled and started them down the sidewalk. They arrived at Jensen's house at six and she smiled at Donna as she opened the door.

 

Misha waved goodbye and smiled up at his Mom as they walked home, skipping down the sidewalk. "Isn't he the best Mommy? He even let me have his second cookie because I like your cookies so much!"

 

Rebecca smiled and watched her son almost dance down the sidewalk. "Yes, he seems like a very nice boy. I'm glad that you like him Misha. Do you think you'll want to go over and play with him sometimes?"

 

Misha froze and stared up at her with wide eyes. "But what if they don't like me?"

 

Rebecca leaned down and scoped her baby into her arms and gave him a tight squeeze, tickling him as she walked. "I don't know how anyone couldn't love you, darling."

 

He squirmed and gasped and laughed, trying to get away from her until she put him down and smiled as he ran the rest of the way down the block and waited for her by the crosswalk. "See? I know that Jensen's Mom and Dad will like you just as much. So don't worry, okay?"

 

Misha nodded and smiled at her. "Okay, I'll try not to!"

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Age Thirteen

 

"So, who wants to tell me what happened?" Donna asked, kneeling in front of both of the boys. They had more bruises than she wanted to guess at, but neither of them had said anything.

 

"Nothing," Misha mumbled, looking guiltily to the floor. It'd been all his fault. _Again_.

 

"Well," Donna said. "You have a few too many bruises for it to be nothing. So why don't you try again?"

 

Misha bit down on his lip and winced when it hurt way more than normal. He took a deep breath and looked up at her. "We were talking about kissing girls."

 

"A large group of us," Jensen muttered, kicking at the carpet. "Mish and I were staying quiet in the back."

 

Donna raised an eyebrow. "Okay. I don't understand how that resulted in you both covered in bruises."

 

"Well-" Jensen and Misha started at the same time before freezing to look at each other.

 

Misha sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "It's my fault Mrs. Ackles. They were talking about kissing girls. And I said that it's totally fine to kiss boys too."

 

"Fergus threw the first punch and he hit Misha hard enough to knock him down!" Jensen protested. "Then he tried to kick Misha and I couldn't let that happen."

 

Misha's face crumpled when Donna looked over at him with a shrewd look. He knew that look. His Mom gave him the same ones all of the time. "I tried to tell Jensen not to fight-"

 

"They were kicking you!" Jensen said, turning to Misha with anguished eyes. "Mish, they could have seriously hurt you!"

 

"You're more important than me!" Misha said, glaring at Jensen. "You can't get hurt!"

 

Jensen reached out and grabbed Misha's shoulders. "No, you're my best friend! You, you, I can't leave you alone in a fight!"

 

Donna Ackles cleared her throat and waited for both boys to turn back to her. She smiled at their respective guilty looks. "What happened after that?"

 

Jensen shook his head. "I don't remember. There was a lot of kicking, and punching. Then teachers showed up."

 

Misha nodded. "I didn't see anything, I covered my face."

 

Donna sighed a little bit and reached down to ruffle their hair. "I'm very proud of the both of you."

 

Wide blue and green eyes stared up at her. She smiled. "Come on, let's get some ice on those bruises. That'll help them feel better."

 

"I, we're not in trouble?" Jensen blurted, looking between Misha and his Mom. He grunted when Misha elbowed him and gave him a glare.

 

"No," Donna said, smiling at them both as she led them into the kitchen. "You aren't in trouble today. There's nothing wrong with saying that boys can kiss boys just as much. You didn't start the fight."

 

"We sure ended it though," Jensen said, giving Misha a wink, just to see him giggle.

 

Donna rolled her eyes. "Yes, you did, and I think the two of you shall go down in the history of the school as the biggest troublemakers ever, even if most of what happens isn't your fault."

 

Jensen and Misha snickered together.

 

"Well," Misha said. "The crayons were our fault."

 

"And the pigeons," Jensen added, glancing over at Misha.

 

Donna laughed and shook her head again, going to get them bags of ice. "I am going to pretend that I do not know anything about what you're talking about."

 

“The pigeons were only half our fault,” Misha said, crossing his arms over his chest. He grinned at Jensen and then winced when it hurt his split lip. “The crayons though...yeah, that was us.”

 

“Here,” Donna said, offering them both ice packs. “Misha, are you sure you’re all right?”

 

Misha nodded and rubbed his leg. There was already a dark bruise there, but it didn’t hurt to walk, so he had to be mostly okay. “Yeah.”

 

Donna turned and smiled at the concerned look Jensen was giving Misha. “What do you boys want for dinner? Your choice since you’ve had a rough day.”

 

“Pizza!” Misha and Jensen said together.

 

“All right,” Donna said with a laugh. “Pizza it is.”

 

Jensen and Misha smiled at each other as they worked through the rest of their homework. Jensen kept his foot pressed up against his the entire time, and Misha wasn’t able to stop smiling for a long, long time.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said, tapping Misha’s foot when his Mom was out of the kitchen. “Is your leg okay? You keep rubbing it.”

 

Misha nodded. “Yeah. It’s sore. Fergus got one really good kick with his boot on me before you decked him.”

 

Jensen looked down at the ice pack he had on his hand. “I should have hit him harder.”

 

Misha laughed, even though it hurt to laugh. “I can’t argue with that.”

 

“I’ll have to teach you how to hit him, in case I’m not there next time,” Jensen said, studying Misha.

 

“I’m not a fighter!” Misha said.

 

Jensen smiled. “I know you aren’t, Mish, and you don’t have to be. But I want you to be able to protect yourself.”

 

Misha bit down on his lip and didn’t admit that maybe he didn’t want to learn because he rather liked having Jensen protect him. But having Jensen teach him to fight might be really awesome too. “Okay, Jen.” Jensen gave him an even bigger grin and started talk about what to teach him first and Misha just stared at him, smiling. Jensen was the best soulmate ever.

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Eight

 

"That's what you get fatty!" One of the boys cried, kicking Misha over, pushing him into one of the desks. "Your protector isn't here right now, so you're ours!"

 

Misha covered his face and curled up tighter, wishing that Jensen hadn't left early to go on a Spring Break vacation with his family. Even though it was bad when Jen got in fights, at least no one tried to pick on him when he was here.

 

He curled up into a tight ball on the bus, hiding his split lip and the bruises on his arms, glad when it dropped him off and he could be at home for the rest of the week. No Jensen was awful, but at least he didn't have to deal with any bullies either.

 

His Mom helped him clean his split lip and gave him ice to put on the bruises that hurt the most. Misha knew that she wanted to help, that she wanted the names of the boys, but he lied and said he didn't know. There was nothing that she could do to help him. Even Jensen couldn't help him. Not _really_.

 

Spring Break was long and boring and Misha wrote Jensen lots of letters, but didn't mail them, because his Mom didn't have any of the postage stamps that he needed. That was okay, he could give them to Jensen when he was back. He bit down on his lip and drew a small doodle, his name and Jensen's, and then drew a heart around it. He ripped off the piece of the paper and stuffed it into his journal, frowning.

 

Jensen wouldn't like that. He needed to keep that hidden. Jensen was still looking for his soulmate, he'd even said so. Misha looked down at his journal and hugged it close. He knew Jensen was his soulmate. He had to be, because it was Jensen and no one would ever be as good to him as Jensen was. No one. Not _ever_.

 

When school started up again, Jensen didn't say hi to him. Misha had all eight of the letters (one for each day Jensen was gone!) ready for him, but Jensen brushed by him and didn't say anything. He froze in the hallway, his fingers shaking around the envelopes that he'd sealed so carefully yesterday. His Mom had helped him to make sure that they were right.

 

Misha bit down on his lip and looked over his shoulder. Fergus and the other bullies were laughing at him. He stuffed the letters into his backpack and hurried to lunch. He just needed to stay away from them. He could get home and not worry about it. Jensen was probably upset at something else. They could talk later.

 

Except Jensen didn't want to come over after class. Jensen had only glared at him when he'd offered and Misha trembled, wondering what he had done to make Jensen angry with him. He didn't ask again. Instead he went home and did his homework and didn't look at his Mom when she asked if Jensen had liked the letters.

 

He curled up on his bed and rubbed hard at his cheeks, because he shouldn't cry. Jensen said that boys didn't cry over silly things, only important things. But Jensen was the most important thing in the whole wide world, and Jensen was angry with him and he didn't know what to do to fix it so Jensen stopped being mad at him.

 

Rebecca frowned at the sight of Misha curling up on his bed, crying into his pillow. Something was wrong, and normally the only thing that could upset Misha this much was Jensen. She headed downstairs and picked up the phone, calling Donna Ackles.

 

"Hello, Ackles residence."

 

Rebecca smiled. "Welcome back, Donna, how are you?"

 

"Well!" Donna blew out a breath. "Besides having the mopiest son I could ever ask for during the entire vacation, it went wonderfully. Jensen was expecting letters from Misha and when he didn't get them, he was very upset."

 

Understanding dawned and Rebecca pressed a hand to her forehead. She should have gone out and bought those stamps for Misha. "Oh no, Donna, that's my fault. I didn't have stamps, and didn't think Jensen would mind waiting until he got home. Misha wrote him a letter for every day he was gone."

 

"Oh no," Donna said, looking at where Jensen was sitting on the couch, glaring angrily at the television. "I'll let him know. I'm sure he'll want to come see Misha right away."

 

"That's totally fine. Maybe we can do a sleepover this weekend so they can make up for not seeing each other last week?" Rebecca suggested, smiling a little.

 

"That sounds like a great idea," Donna said, smiling. "Now, I'm going to go tell my son the news, and I'm sure he'll be over in a matter of minutes."

 

"Sounds good," Rebecca said, hanging up the phone with Donna. She had a feeling that Jensen would probably bike (or maybe run) right over, and she knew she was right when the doorbell was rung several times in quick succession a few minutes later.

 

She opened the door and smiled at Jensen, at the crushed expression of fear on his face. "It's okay, sweetheart, he's upstairs in his room."

 

"Thanks!" Jensen said, dashing past her, running up the stairs to Misha's room. The door was open and he stepped into the room, panting hard. Misha was curled up on the bed and his shoulders were shaking. Jensen bit down on his lip and closed the door behind him. "Mish?" he called.

 

Misha sat up in shock when he heard Jensen's voice, staring at him with wide eyes. His lips trembled and he bit down on them. "J-Jen?"

 

Jensen smiled a little and walked closer. "Hey Mish."

 

Misha scrambled to wipe off his face and stared at his best friend as he walked closer to him. "But, but, you're mad at me! You didn't say hi, and you ignored me and-"

 

Jensen wrapped his arms tight around Misha and hugged him close, pressing his face to the top of Misha's head. "I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore. You didn't write me, and you'd promised you would."

 

"I did!" Misha said, scrambling out of Jensen's arms so he could grab his backpack. The letters were a little crushed at the bottom and he showed them all to Jensen, pushing them into his chest. "I wrote you one for every single day you were gone, but we didn't have any stamps, so I couldn't send them!"

 

Jensen stared down at the letters in shock and he swallowed hard. "So we're still friends?" he asked, looking up at Misha.

 

Misha nodded eagerly, stepping closer to Jensen, wrapping his arms around Jensen's waist so he could hug him close. Jensen always smelled good and knew how to give the best hugs. Only his Mom gave better hugs, and Jensen's were a different kind of special.  

 

"I'm sorry I ignored you today," Jensen said, hugging Misha tighter, still looking at all of the letters Misha had written him. "I wanna read them all, here, let's sit on your bed."

 

"Okay," Misha said, scrambling to get back on his bed, grinning when Jensen flopped down next to him. He scooted a little closer and put his head on Jensen's shoulder. "I wanna watch you read them."

 

Jensen smiled, flipping through all of the letters. "Which one am I supposed to read first?"

 

"I numbered them!" Misha said, pointing to the small number in the corner. "You gotta read number one first and the number eight one last," he added, giving a firm nod of his head, wrapping an arm around Jensen's waist, hugging him tight. He was so happy that Jensen wasn't mad at him.

 

Rebecca slowly opened the door to Misha's room and smiled at the sight of the two boys passed out on top of the covers, all of Misha's letters scattered around them. Misha was even halfway on top of Jensen, his face mashed into Jensen's chest, snoring quietly.

 

"Well, don't they make a pair," Richard said, coming up from behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Does Jensen need to go back yet?"

 

Rebecca shook her head. "I'll call Donna and let her know that Jensen is staying for dinner. We'll take him home afterward."

 

"Sounds good," Richard said, kissing her cheek. "So what's for dinner?" he teased.

 

Rebecca rolled her eyes and gave him a gentle slap to the arm. "Behave."

 

Richard hummed and looked at the two kids on the bed again. "Do you think that Misha is right about them?"

 

Rebecca shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I've never seen him so upset before. Not even when he's been bullied. When he thought Jensen didn't like him, his whole world fell apart."

 

"Hm," Richard said, smiling at the sight of the boys. "Well, they've got plenty of time to figure things out."

 

"True," Rebecca said, grinning at them. "Come on, help me start dinner and we'll let them sleep. I have a feeling that they didn't get enough of it earlier."

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Age Sixteen (Spring)

 

"Freak!" Fergus called down the hall.  "Hey freak!  Have a date to the dance yet?" 

 

Misha rolled his eyes and looked over at Jensen.  "He really does need to find some new insults.  I think he's too afraid of getting in trouble if he uses a proper one." 

 

Jensen snorted and pulled out his Biology book.  "You'd think he'd learn.  I've nearly dislocated his jaw twice." 

 

Misha looked down at Jensen's hand and smiled.  "Yes, and nearly broken your own hand while you were at it.  No more avenging me.  I'm not a chubby five year old anymore."  He paused and winked.  "I'm a chubby sixteen year old, let's be honest!" 

 

Jensen looked at Misha and frowned.  Misha wasn't chubby.  Sure, he wasn't in the gym every day like he was, but that was because he had football and had to be.  But Misha was just _Misha_ , and maybe he didn't have as many muscles as he did, but that was fine, hell, it was awesome.  "Don't call yourself that." 

 

Misha's smile wavered for a second and he raised an eyebrow at Jensen.  "It's okay.  If I claim the word, then they can't use it against me.  I am chubby, Jen." 

 

"No," Jensen growled.  "You're, you're just you, Misha.  You're awesome.  They're, they're stupid." 

 

Misha hid the glow of satisfaction that gave him, deep in his belly.  Jensen didn't mind if he was a little chubby.  He just had to remember that when everyone else stared.  "You need to learn to curse," he teased. 

 

"Gonna stay at home and cry while the rest of us have a good time at the dance?" Fergus taunted.  "Pretend that Jensen took you to the dance when you know he'd never look twice at you?" 

 

Misha stiffened and reached out to grab Jensen's arm.  "Hey, no, no, I'm not letting you get in trouble on my watch.  Calm the temper," he ordered, squeezing Jensen's arm.  "Jen, it's okay." 

 

"It's not!" Jensen snarled, glaring at Fergus.  "Say anything else and this time I'll make sure your jaw _is_ dislocated!" 

 

"My, my," Fergus said, drawing closer.  "One might almost think that you like him, Jenny," he drawled. 

 

Jensen stiffened and glared at Fergus.  "He's my best friend, of course I like him, you, you asshole!  Call me Jenny again and you'll regret it." 

 

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Fergus teased, glancing over at Misha.  "You can't be his protector forever, Jenny.  Sooner or later, people will start to talk." 

 

Misha blanched and looked between Fergus and Jensen.  He _knew_.  Somehow, Fergus had figured out that he liked Jensen as more than a friend, and he was going to use it against Jensen.  He cleared his throat and tugged on Jensen's arm again.  "Come on, Jen, he's really not worth it." 

 

Jensen followed him to their next class, but Misha didn't pay attention to any of it, his mind racing.  If Fergus tried to bring Jensen down by telling everyone that he, he was like him?  He clenched his eyes shut.  He wasn't worth that, and he'd have to do what was right for Jensen and start distancing himself.  It would be better for Jensen that way.  As long as Jensen was okay, it didn't matter what happened to him. 

 

“Hey,” Jensen said, tugging Misha to the side of the doorway of the classroom. 

 

Misha opened his eyes and looked at Jensen.  “You’re gonna be late.” 

 

Jensen shook his head.  “Doesn’t matter.  You’re more important, Mish.” 

 

Misha swallowed hard and stared at Jensen.  His eyes were very, _very_ green this close up.  “What’s, what’s up?” 

 

“Don’t listen to him.  At all.  He’s wrong.  And if you don’t have anyone to take you to the dance yet, I’ll go with you,” Jensen said, his lips quirking in a grin. 

 

His breath caught in his chest and he stared at Jensen.  “You-you…?” 

 

“Well yeah,” Jensen said, smirking.  “What better way to shut him up than for the both of us to go together?” 

 

Misha had a comeback for that, he really did.  But then Jensen gave his arm a quick squeeze and ran down the hallway and Misha didn't even try to pay attention in math class.  All he could think about was Jensen's eyes sparkling at him, and the fucking way he'd squeezed his arm.  He looked down at his notebook and found himself in the middle of doodling Jensen's profile. 

 

He scratched it out quickly before anyone else could notice and tried to focus on the board in front of him.  It didn't matter if you were obsessed with drawing your soulmate.  That was kinda the whole point. 

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

Age Six

 

"Excuse me." 

 

Rebecca looked down at Jensen and smiled at him as he shifted uncomfortably.  "Hey honey, do you need something?" 

 

"Could I have some more water, please?" Jensen asked, holding up his cup. 

 

She grinned and immediately poured him some more from the pitcher.  "Absolutely.  Do you want another cookie?" 

 

Jensen shook his head and her sleeve rode up a little bit, revealing her soulmate mark and she watched his eyes go wide.  "Are you okay Jensen?"

 

Jensen nodded and bit his lip and Rebecca smiled when he tried to look away and failed completely.  "Yes, I've just..." he looked back down to the mark on her arm. 

 

"Ah," Rebecca said, rolling up her sleeve so he could see it properly.  It was a picture of the night sky, and of a Sagittarius, her star sign.  "It's my husband's soul mark on me." 

 

Jensen smiled and reached out a finger to touch it, but froze, looking up at her and Rebecca smiled again.  "It's okay, you can go ahead." 

 

"Does everyone have a different one?" Jensen asked, keeping his voice quiet as he trailed a finger over the stars. 

 

"Yeah," Rebecca said.  "It's always different depending on the people and the couple.  Sometimes it's simple, sometimes it isn't.  It just depends on the both of you, and what will mean the most to you." 

 

"Oh," Jensen said, looking down at his hand.  "I wonder what mine will be." 

 

Rebecca glanced over to her son in the living room, happily munching on a cookie and then smiled at Jensen again.  "I think you'll find out sooner than you think."  Bright green eyes looked up at her happily and Jensen grinned. 

 

"Yeah?" he whispered, pulling his hand away from her arm.  "I hope you're right." 

 

Rebecca smiled as Jensen immediately took his cup of water back into the living room and crawled onto the couch next to Misha.  They curled up together and she chuckled when Misha stole a drink from Jensen's cup, making him pout. 

 

She rubbed her finger over her soulmate mark and smiled when she could feel the wave of support and love from Richard come through their bond.  There was a thread of curiosity, wondering what had made her so nostalgic.  They'd have to talk about it later. 

 

She did wonder what Jensen's soulmate mark on Misha would look like.  As possessive as that boy could be, she had a feeling it wasn't going to be subtle.  For either of them.  Rebecca chuckled and turned back to cooking dinner. 

 

"You can get your own water," Jensen said, sulking a little as he sipped the rest of his.  "You don't have to drink mine." 

 

Misha yawned and leaned his head on Jensen's shoulder.  "Yours tastes better than mine." 

 

"It tastes the same," Jensen corrected, poking Misha in the nose. 

 

Misha giggled and nuzzled into Jensen a little bit more.  "Whatever, keep working on your homework.  I want to play." 

 

Jensen huffed and looked back down at the worksheet in front of him.  "Mish?" 

 

"Yeah?" Misha asked, opening an eye. 

 

"What do you think your soulmate mark is going to look like?" Jensen asked.  "The one that ends up on your soulmate?" 

 

"I dunno," Misha said, shrugging.  "No one really knows." 

 

Jensen smiled a little.  "Yeah, but come on, Mish, what do you want it to be?" 

 

Misha shook his head.  "Jen, talk later, I want to play before it gets dark outside!" 

 

Jensen started working on the worksheet again, but he couldn't help wondering.  He bet that Misha's would look really pretty.  No matter what he admitted, his would be gorgeous.  His own?  It'd probably be something stupid.  Like his initials. 

 

It didn't take him long to finish his homework, and after they both showed Rebecca the completed worksheets they were allowed to go play in the back yard.  "Come on, let's play tag!" he said, giving Misha a shove, dashing away from him as Misha shouted angrily.

 

"I am going to make you pay for that Jensen!"

 

Jensen grinned and stuck his tongue out on Misha as he dashed around a tree.  "No you aren't, come on!" 

 

Several scrapes, bruises and at least two switches of 'It', Misha collapsed to the ground, panting hard.  "Your Mom's gonna be mad, you got stains on your jeans," Misha said. 

 

Jensen shrugged and stretched out, wiggling in the grass.  "Don't care." 

 

Misha looked up at the sky again that was just starting to get dark.  "Look," he said, pointing up at a bright star. 

 

Jensen followed Misha's finger and smiled at the sky.  It was easier to see now that the rest of the sky was turning a darker blue.  "What star is it?" 

 

Misha shrugged.  "I don't know, but I bet my Dad does!"

 

"Boys!" Rebecca called.  "Come in and wash your hands.  Dinner time!" 

 

Jensen scrambled to get upright and yelped when Misha grabbed his pants and knocked him down again, only to laugh as he dashed into the house.  "Mish!" 

 

"Snooze you lose Jen!!" 

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Twelve

 

Misha followed Jensen into the house and waved at Donna Ackles.  "Hello Mrs. Ackles, how are you?" 

 

"Aren't you sweet, but you know to call me Donna by now, Mish," Donna teased.  "Jensen, make sure to get your homework done," she said, waving a finger at him.  "No video games all afternoon." 

 

"Yes Mom," Jensen smiled looking over his shoulder to wink at Misha. 

 

Misha gave him a grin and followed him upstairs to his room, kicking off his shoes before he flopped on the bed next to Jensen.  "Ugh, so, do we have to-"

 

"Tell me!" Jensen demanded, giving Misha a shove, nearly knocking him off the bed.  "You got your first kiss, I am so mad at you, now tell me all about it!" 

 

Misha rolled over and stuck out his tongue at Jensen.  "Weird," he said.  It hadn't been Jensen.  It had been very _weird_. 

 

Jensen huffed and gave Misha another push.  "Come on Mish, tell me more than that, you promised!" 

 

Misha sighed and stared at Jensen.  "What was yours like?" he challenged. 

 

Jensen froze, staring at Misha with wide eyes.  He couldn't tell Misha he hadn't had his first kiss yet.  "N-nice," he stuttered. 

 

"Nice," Misha scoffed, giving Jensen a shove back.  "Come on Jen, tell me more than that," he teased, grinning at Jensen. 

 

Jensen groaned and stared at Misha, giving him his best pout.  "Come on Mish, you promised to tell me about yours.  Mine was horrible," he fibbed.  "She kissed too hard."  Misha nodded, seeming to accept that answer, so Jensen breathed out a sigh of relief, as it looked like he didn't need to explain himself further. 

 

"Well," Misha said, tapping the bed.  "I wasn't expecting it.  She kinda surprised me." 

 

"How do you get kissed by surprise?" Jensen asked, rolling over to lie on his side so he could look at his best friend properly. 

 

Misha shrugged and turned onto his side, looking up at Jensen.  "I wasn't paying attention to her.  She just, walked up and kissed me, and said that she liked me." 

 

Jensen raised his eyebrows.  "Do you, _you know_ , like-her-like-her?"

 

Misha shook his head.  "Nah, not at all.  It was weird though.  Her lips were all sticky.  She had stuff on them," he said, wrinkling his nose a little bit.

 

"So that didn't taste good?" Jensen said, frowning. 

 

"No, it was weird and it took me a while to get it off," Misha grumbled.  "Not to mention, I don't even know if I kiss good.  I mean, how do you know?" 

 

Jensen blinked and tilted his head a little.  "That's a good question.  Maybe that's why she ran away.  Maybe you suck at kissing!" he said with a delighted laugh, giving Misha a quick punch to the shoulder. 

 

"I do _not_!" Misha said indignantly.  He huffed and gave Jensen a punch back to the shoulder.  "Besides, how do you know that _you_ kiss well?  I bet that's why yours was awful!" 

 

Jensen stared at Misha with wide eyes.  "I didn't say that it was awful!" 

 

"You didn't say it was good, either!" Misha accused, giving Jensen another push.  "So don't tell me mine was bad when yours was too!"

 

Jensen's heart was racing as he stared at Misha.  "Maybe we both suck at kissing, Mish.  What are we going to do?"

 

Misha blinked and stared at Jensen.  " _Uh_." 

 

"Right," Jensen agreed, flopping down onto his back on the bed.  "We're doomed to be terrible kissers forever." 

 

Misha snickered.  "Forever.  We're only twelve Jensen.  Plenty of time to get better." 

 

"Well, yeah," Jensen said, glancing over at Misha.  "But it's not like I have anyone to practice with." 

 

Misha raised an eyebrow at him.  "You want someone to practice with?" 

 

Jensen nodded, sitting up a little.  "Yeah, because then they could tell me if I sucked and how to get better." 

 

Misha hummed and scooted closer to Jensen.  "How about we use each other for kissing practice?" 

 

Jensen blinked and scowled.  "Kissing boys isn't the same as kissing girls!" 

 

"Sure it is," Misha said, shrugging.  "We've all got lips.  It's not like boys are some lipless monsters." 

 

Jensen laughed despite himself, flopping back on the bed.  "That's a horrifying mental image, Mish, why are we friends again?" 

 

"Because," Misha said, reaching out to tickle Jensen on the side, watching him jackknife upright.  "You want to use me for kissing practice, you just don't want to admit it!" 

 

"Keep your voice down!" Jensen hissed, looking at his door. 

 

Misha giggled and flopped back down onto the comforter covers.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  But you can use me for practice if you want to make sure that you don't suck at kissing, Jen." 

 

Jensen huffed and stared at Misha for a long moment before he leaned down on the covers next to him.  "You sure?" he asked, chewing on his bottom lip. 

 

"Yeah," Misha said, looking up at Jensen.  "I'll even make sure not to bite you." 

 

Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes.  "You're going to taste gross.  You eat weird stuff like kale." 

 

Misha huffed and stared up at Jensen.  "Kale isn't weird, _you're_ weird." 

 

Jensen didn't really have a comeback for that, so he stared down at Misha for a long moment and then sighed.  "This isn't going to work."

 

"What do you mean?" Misha asked.  "Oh hell, do you want me to do it instead?  You baby," he teased, pushing Jensen down and onto the bed. 

 

Jensen stared up at Misha with wide eyes and then their lips were pressed together.  Misha's eyes weren't open and Jensen figured he should probably close his too, because it was rude to stare when someone couldn’t stare back. 

 

Instead he focused on just how good Misha's lips felt.  They were a little chapped, because his lips were always a little chapped.  But he wasn't kissing too hard, or too soft.  In fact it was pretty perfect, and Jensen was really, _really_ glad that this was his first kiss. 

 

Misha pulled back a few seconds later and blinked his eyes open, looking at Jensen.  He licked his lips and raised an eyebrow.  "How was that?" 

 

Jensen opened his eyes and looked up at Misha.  His lips were pinker now, and they looked much softer now that he'd licked them.  "Uh," he stammered.  "You, uh, the angle was a little weird?" he offered up, watching Misha wrinkle his brow in concentration. 

 

Misha nodded and leaned in close, tilting his head a little bit.  "Is this better?"

 

Jensen wanted to nod, but then Misha was kissing him again and now it was even better, because he could _feel_ Misha's lips and the way he was pressing a little bit closer to him.  Misha shifted a little bit and their noses bumped and he laughed when Misha pulled back.  "Pretty sure that's not supposed to happen." 

 

Misha scowled and crossed his eyes to look at his nose.  "Of course my nose gets in the way." 

 

"I think it might have been mine in the way," Jensen said, sitting up a little bit.  "Maybe it'll be better if I'm not laying down," he suggested. 

 

Misha lit up and grinned at Jensen.  "Yeah, because that's probably how we'll get most of our kisses anyways." 

 

"Yeah," Jensen agreed a little hoarsely.  Then Misha was kissing him again, and his eyes fell shut all on their own.  Misha was way better at this than he ever would have given him credit for and Jensen couldn't help being jealous of whoever would get to kiss Misha all of the time. 

 

This time when they pulled apart, their lips made a small smacking noise and Jensen opened his eyes, staring at Misha.  He cleared his throat.  Misha's eyes were bluer than his comforter, but Misha was smiling at him and that was always an awesome thing, especially when he smiled like that. 

 

"Your turn," Misha said, keeping his voice quiet.  "Did I do okay that time?"

 

Jensen nodded, straightening his shoulders a little.  "Yeah.  Was totally fine Mish.  Now tell me," he ordered.  He leaned in and their noses bumped, making the both of them giggle.  He focused on Misha and kissed him, trying to make it soft and proper like Misha had. 

 

Except, _except_ Misha made a small noise in his throat and his lips moved, both of them falling open-

 

"Boys!" Donna called, knocking on the door.  "Dinner's ready!" 

 

Jensen fell back from Misha, staring at him with wide eyes.  He looked over his shoulder at the door.  "Okay, Mom!  We'll be right out!" 

 

He stared at Misha as he climbed off of the bed and couldn't help hoping that he'd been a good kisser, even though they couldn't talk about it now.  He took a deep breath and ruffled his hair, rubbing at his lips.  Jensen wouldn't admit it, but they still tingled from where Misha had touched him.  A good kind of tingling. 

 

"Jen?" Misha called.  "You okay?" 

 

Jensen shook himself and turned his attention back to his best friend.  "Yeah, definitely okay Mish." 

 

Misha grinned and winked at him and opened the door to head downstairs.  Jensen definitely didn't blush when he followed him to the dinner table.  Maybe Misha wouldn't mind practicing some other time too. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Age Fifteen

 

"Mooooooooooooooom," Jensen whined.  "Please?  I just want him to come for a couple of days." 

 

Misha turned his best pout on Donna Ackles.  "Please Mrs. Ackles?  My Mom and Dad said I could if you said it was okay." 

 

Donna huffed and put her hands on her hips.  "Honestly, the two of you, you'd think that you were attached at the hip!  Can you not go one week without seeing each other?" 

 

Misha definitely didn't want what had happened the last time that Jensen had been gone for a week to happen again.  "Please?" he added, lowering his voice just a little bit. 

 

"All right, as long as his Mom is okay with it," Donna said. 

 

Misha lit up and gave an excited bounce.  "Yes!!" 

 

Jensen laughed and gave his Mom a quick hug.  "You're the best." 

 

Donna watched both of the boys thunder their way upstairs, already talking excitedly about their plans together.  She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Rebecca a moment later. 

 

"Hello Donna," Rebecca said, smiling. 

 

Donna laughed.  "You were expecting my call?" 

 

"Of course.  I just dealt with Misha pouting at me for fifteen or so minutes until I gave him permission if you said it was okay." 

 

"Oh yes," Donna said, rolling her eyes a little bit.  "They both came to do the same act with me.  You're all right with him coming up to the cabin with us?" 

 

Rebecca laughed.  "I don't think I would survive the pouting from him if I wasn't all right with it," she said. 

 

"That's the truth.  All right.  Well, do you want him to come back halfway through break, or how would you like things to work?" 

 

"Whatever is easiest for you and Alan.  I told him not to impose, since I wasn't sure that you would want him there for the entire week," Rebecca said.  "I would not mind him going, but I want to make sure you have time with your family as well." 

 

"Honestly," Donna said.  "I'm sure that Meghan and Josh wouldn't mind Misha coming along with us at all." 

 

Rebecca smiled.  "Then he's all yours for the entire week." 

 

Donna looked upstairs where he could hear the boys talking excitedly.  "I know they'll both be thrilled.  I'm sure you're excited to get some time to yourself with Richard." 

 

"Why, whatever would give you that idea?"  Rebecca said with a laugh.  "But yes, it will be nice," she agreed. 

 

Donna smiled and shook her head.  "All right, I'll go tell the two of them, and I'll let you know if they both come back with soulmate marks." 

 

"Just watch," Rebecca said, smiling wide.  "One of these weekends, they're both going to end up with them, and we'll be able to laugh at them for not noticing earlier." 

 

“I plan to laugh at them,” Donna agreed, hearing a noise at the top of the stairs.  “Don’t you worry.” 

 

"Exactly," Rebecca said with a smile.  "Well, you should go give them the good news.  I'm sure they're eavesdropping, trying to make sure that I said yes." 

 

Donna leaned out of the kitchen and looked up the stairs, catching two pairs of guilty eyes.  "Yes you would be right about the eavesdropping." 

 

Jensen and Misha dashed back into Jensen's room, laughing as they fell back on the bed.  "Well, that backfired!" Jensen said. 

 

"Yeah, but Mom said yes, and I think I get to stay the entire _week_!" Misha said, bouncing a little on Jensen's bed.  "An entire week Jen!  We're gonna have so much fun!" 

 

Jensen groaned.  "You're going to cause so much trouble is what is going to happen." 

 

Misha scoffed and rolled his eyes.  "Don't even pretend that you won't be right there with me every single step of the way." 

 

"Of course I will," Jensen said, poking Misha with a foot, even as he rolled off of the bed and dug out a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt for Misha.  "But that doesn't mean that I _want_ to get in trouble." 

 

Misha grinned and took the clothes, slipping in Jensen's bathroom to change.  He definitely didn't hold the shirt up to his face and smile at the smell of Jensen.  The best part about wearing Jensen's shirts was that they smelled like him and it was like getting a hug from him all of the time.  There was nothing better. 

 

He changed quickly and grinned down at the Led Zeppelin shirt.  "I'll have to go home and start packing!" 

 

Jensen laughed and rolled his eyes, tugging off his polo shirt and throwing it towards the hamper.  "We don't leave for another week, Mish!" 

 

Misha's mouth went dry at the sight of Jensen's bare back, at the freckles spread across his shoulders.  He wanted to press kisses to all of them.  "Well, it doesn't hurt to be prepared.  And if I start packing early, then I won't forget anything." 

 

Jensen tugged on his sleeping shirt and turned around to look at Misha.  "You're not going to forget anything, and it's not like we're going camping.  There's a town and everything, so if you forget any essentials, then we can end up buying it for you!" 

 

Misha pouted and grabbed one of Jensen's pillows to hit him with it.  "Shut up, I'm not going to forget anything so I can spend my money on real stuff, how about that?" 

 

"Real stuff," Jensen said, rolling his eyes.  "It's not like we're going to another country, Mish, it's just a lakehouse." 

 

Misha waggled his eyebrows.  "Maybe there's a lakemonster." 

 

"I would have seen it before now!" Jensen said with a laugh. 

 

"Maybe your bowlegs scared it away!" Misha teased, giving Jensen a push.  "Come on, I call player one!" 

 

"Hey!  It's my house, I get to be player one!" Jensen protested, following Misha downstairs and into the living room.  He swallowed hard when he realized that his sweatpants were a little tighter on Misha than they were on him.  Misha looked, he looked really _good_ wearing his clothes. 

 

He shook himself and glanced to make sure that his Mom wasn't looking before he adjusted himself in his own pants.  No need to have Misha seeing any random boners.  Not that he'd care, because it was Misha, but that was just, better for everyone as a whole if he kept his boners to himself. 

 

~!~A Week Later~!~

 

Misha bounced excitedly in the seat next to Jensen, staring out the window at the trees and at the lake going by.  "How much further to the house Mrs. Ackles?" he asked. 

 

Donna smiled at Misha and gave him a grin.  "About ten minutes from here.  The prettiest view is coming up just around this corner though.  You can see the full lake and some of the mountains in the background." 

 

Misha's eyes went wide and he glued himself to the window again, determined not to miss it. 

 

"And, right... _there_..." Donna said, pointing.  She smiled at the sharp intake of breath from Misha.  "Gorgeous, isn't it?" 

 

Misha nodded and looked over his shoulder at Jensen, who was listening to his music.  He reached over and yanked an earbud out of his ears.  Green eyes scowled at him, but he grinned.  "You are in so much trouble for not bringing me with you years ago!" 

 

Donna smiled and turned back to the lake view while the two boys started to bicker with each other.  They were worse than she and her husband.  It was adorable to see, especially like this, when neither of them were hiding or pretending. 

 

~!~

 

Misha flopped on the couch and poked Jensen with a toe.  "We should do something fun while they're all out tonight at the bonfire." 

 

Jensen made a grumpy noise and looked at Misha.  "Yes, I'm going to _relax_." 

 

"Relaxing is _boring_ ," Misha said, rolling over so he could put his feet in Jensen's lap.  "Come on, what's something you've never done here that you've always wanted to do?" 

 

"Nothing," Jensen said, turning a page in his book.  "I've been coming here for years." 

 

Misha groaned.  "There has to be something that you haven't done!"  When Jensen ignored him, he poked Jensen with his foot again.  "Jen, come on." 

 

Jensen sighed and raised an eyebrow at Misha.  "What do you want to do?" 

 

"Let's go swimming!" Misha said, giving Jensen a wide grin. 

 

"We went swimming earlier today, and you said that you were so exhausted you couldn't move, which is why we aren't going to the bonfire," Jensen pointed out, raising his eyebrows at Misha over his book. 

 

Misha smirked a little bit.  "Okay, maybe I fibbed." 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes and looked back at his book.  "Of course you did.  So what do you want to do?" 

 

"We could go toss firecrackers into the bonfire?" Misha suggested. 

 

Jensen slapped Misha on his bare leg.  "No, no, someone will end up hurt, and we are not going to hurt anyone." 

 

Misha huffed.  "All right, that's fair.  I don't need your Mom never letting me come here again." 

 

"Yes," Jensen agreed, flipping another page in his book. 

 

Misha looked out at the moon that was rising over the lake and sat up a little bit.  "Let's go up to the waterfall!" he said, grinning at Jensen. 

 

Jensen blinked and looked at Misha.  "The waterfall?  We went there earlier in the week." 

 

"Yeah!" Misha said, getting more excited.  "During the day!  Let's go there now.  I bet it looks gorgeous!" 

 

"If I don't take you somewhere, you're going to end up causing some sort of trouble, aren't you?" Jensen said with a resigned sigh. 

 

"Pretty much guaranteed," Misha said, giving Jensen an unrepentant grin. 

 

Jensen sighed and pushed Misha's feet off his legs.  "All right, let's get going." 

 

Misha bounced off the couch, immediately running for his shoes.  "Awesome!" 

 

Jensen watched Misha tug his sneakers on a moment later and couldn't help grinning.  Misha was always so excited about the smallest things.  Including getting to see a waterfall at night.  He grabbed the notepad on the fridge and left a note for his Mom so she wouldn't wonder where they were if she came back early. 

 

"Jen, let's go!" Misha said, bouncing by the front door. 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes, but obediently followed Misha.  The trail to the waterfall was about a fifteen minute walk from their house, but Jensen was busy being distracted by Misha and the way his eyes seemed even brighter in the moonlight. 

 

"And I'm saying, it's probably a good thing that we can save the firecrackers for something at school, and no one would know it was us-"

 

"They always know it's us," Jensen protested, following Misha as he started down the trail to the waterfall. 

 

Misha paused and considered that.  "Well, yes, that's true, but they won't be able to _prove_ anything, which is the material point!" 

 

Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes.  "Of course." 

 

"Anyways!” Misha continued, walking down the path.  "Like I was saying, we could totally use the firecrackers for something else.  Not to mention, you know that I got all of that glitter on sale at the craft store a couple of months back, we're just _waiting_ to use that on something properly." 

 

Jensen smiled and shook his head, following Misha into the opening where the waterfall was.  He froze and stared at it with wide eyes.  Misha had been right about coming here at night.  It was gorgeous.  " _Woah_." 

 

Misha grinned, bright and wide.  "I know!  Wasn't this a great idea?  Come on Jen, admit that it was a great idea." 

 

"All right," Jensen agreed, kicking off his socks and shoes.  "This was a great idea." 

 

Misha gave another victory crow and walked closer to the shoreline.  "I told you so, Jen!"

 

"Yes, yes, I know," Jensen said, smiling as he stepped into the water and shivered.  At least there was no one else here. 

 

"Hey Jen," Misha said, a smirk growing on his face as he looked around.  "I've-"

 

" _No_ ," Jensen said, narrowing his eyes at Misha.  He knew that voice.  " _No_ , Mish."

 

Misha pouted and walked closer to Jensen.  "You don't even want to know what my idea is?" 

 

Jensen huffed and looked up at the stars overhead.  He really shouldn't, because it was going to be a terrible idea, one that he absolutely should not let himself get talked into.  "What's your idea, Mish?" 

 

Misha waggled his eyebrows at Jensen.  "We should go skinny dipping!" 

 

Jensen blinked and then stared at Misha.  "Are you serious?" 

 

"Yeah!" Misha said, looking out at the water.  "Everyone at the bonfire, it's not like we can get caught and we can go hang out under the waterfall!" 

 

Jensen looked down at the water and frowned.  "The water is ice cold!" 

 

"So?" Misha said, stripping off his shirt, throwing it into a pile.  "Your point?" 

 

Jensen's mouth went a little bit dry as Misha stripped off his shirt.  Misha made fun of himself for being chubby all of the time, but he always thought that Misha looked perfect and now he was undoing the button his jeans and-

 

He yanked his eyes away and looked back up at the waterfall.  "What do you mean, my point?  Shrinkage, dude!" 

 

Misha laughed.  "It's not like I'm going to ask you how big you are after we jump into a pool of freezing cold water, Jen!" 

 

Jensen sputtered, because Misha had ditched his pants and was peeling off his boxers and he _definitely_ wasn't looking.  "I-"

 

"Jensen Ross Ackles, get your butt naked or I am going to throw you into the water with all of your clothes on!"  Misha said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.  "Come on, Jen, get naked!" 

 

Jensen groaned and stripped off his shirt.  "I'm going to fucking kill you for this." 

 

"No you aren't!" Misha said, dancing into the water.  He decided to get it completely over with and dove into the deeper section with a yelp.  "Okay, fuck it is definitely cold!" 

 

Jensen undid the buckle on his jeans and pushed his pants down.  "I told you!" 

 

"Yeah, well," Misha said, laughing as he flung some of his hair out of his face.  "I'm the one with the body image issues here, so hurry your cute butt up and get in here with me!" 

 

Jensen groaned and pushed his boxers off and left them in a pile on the shore and waded into the water, his teeth chattering.  Misha was almost twenty yards away from him, getting closer to the waterfall every second. 

 

Then Jensen got an idea.  He smirked and dove under the water, swimming quietly behind Misha.  When his best friend paused, he dove under the water and grabbed Misha's feet, tugging him down and under the water a few inches. 

 

When he broke to the surface again, Misha was flailing and sputtering.  Jensen laughed so hard he nearly forgot to tread water.  "Oh god, Mish, your _face_!" 

 

"I am going to murder you!" Misha growled, pouncing on Jensen, pushing his shoulders under the water. 

 

Jensen went and dragged Misha with him until the both of them bobbed up for air again, laughing at each other.  "Oh my god, that was so beautiful.  You really thought there was a lake monster for a second, didn't you?" 

 

Misha scowled at Jensen.  "You are an asshole and I hate you." 

 

Jensen smirked and started to swim towards the waterfall again.  "You're the one who talked me into this, you have no one to blame but yourself, Mish!" he called. 

 

Misha really, really hated that Jensen was right about that, and he didn't know what was more frustrating.  The fact that Jensen was right, or the fact that he was so beautiful in the moonlight and the water that he forgot to breathe. 

 

"Mish, you coming?" Jensen called, treading water at the base of the waterfall. 

 

Misha sank a few inches under the water and did some mental grumbling at Jensen's choice of words.  Fucking bastard didn't even realize that he was being a tease, looking all gorgeous with his eyes and his freckles and his perfect body.  He swam after Jensen and looked up at the waterfall as they stopped just in front of where the water was hitting the lake. 

 

"Wow," Jensen whispered.  As freezing cold as he had been a few minutes ago, it was worth it. 

 

Misha glanced over at Jensen and couldn't help echoing the sentiment to himself, but about something far more, well.  Physical than the beauty of the waterfall. 

 

"Mish?" Jensen said, splashing some water at him.  "You okay there?" 

 

Misha shook his head and grinned at Jensen.  "Yeah, I'm fine, I just think that my balls have retreated completely into my body." 

 

Jensen laughed, his head falling back to dip into the water.  Misha cursed him for how beautiful he was.  He should never have suggested skinny dipping, this was a horrible idea. 

 

"I told you the water was cold!" Jensen said, grinning at Misha. 

 

"Yeah, you did, and I am filled with nothing but regret," Misha snarked back, even as he reached out to touch some of the falling waterfall. 

 

Jensen snickered and rolled his eyes.  "You want to get out?" he offered. 

 

Misha glanced over at Jensen and then up at the waterfall.  "Nah, not yet," he replied, diving under the water, and then under the waterfall itself.  He came up on the other side, just behind it and smiled again. 

 

Jensen broke water beside him a few seconds later and Misha smiled at him.  "Ever been back here?" 

 

Jensen shook his head and looked around the small area behind the waterfall.  His nose wrinkled at the sight of a condom.  "No, but apparently plenty of people have?" he pointed to it and watched Misha completely dissolve into laughter. 

 

Misha rolled his eyes.  "That doesn't surprise me in the slightest, but I suppose that we should head back." 

 

Jensen hummed and dove under the waterfall again, pushing off the rocks behind him. 

 

Misha gave a low whistle as he got a damn good eyeful of Jensen's butt as he dove under the water.  Thank goodness the water was so cold or he would have a crisis on his hands here.  He did have to walk out of the water in a few minutes. 

 

He followed Jensen a second later, swimming lazily for the shore.  "Hm, we should have brought towels," he said, looking at their pile of clothes.

 

"Now you think of important things," Jensen said, grabbing his boxers so he could step into them, watching as Misha did the same. 

 

"Ah well," Misha shrugged, pulling on the rest of his clothes.  "Not the end of the world.  We can always shower when we get back to the cabin." 

 

Jensen definitely didn't shiver a little bit at the way Misha said 'we', even though he had definitely meant separate showers, not showers _together_.  Because why would he want them to shower together, that would just be ridiculous and was absolutely not what they should be doing. 

 

"That's true," Jensen agreed, pulling on his shoes a few seconds later.  He felt uncomfortable, his clothes sticking to him, and he was glad that it wouldn't take them too long to get back to the cabin.  "Come on, I bet we can be back before anyone realizes that we are gone in the first place." 

 

Misha snorted and followed behind Jensen.  They didn't quite beat the rest of them home, and he tried to ignore the knowing look from Jensen's Mom as they both climbed into the shower to get warm again.  Nothing had happened.  Even though he might have wanted it to. 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Age Sixteen

 

Misha sighed and tugged on his tie for the third time.  "Jen, I'm about one hundred percent sure that this isn't a good idea." 

 

Jensen turned to look at Misha and smiled, reaching out to adjust his tie.  "Here, you just have it tied so it's backwards, hold on," he said, undoing Misha's tie so he could fix it and get it lay properly.  He smoothed it down and grinned.  "There.  Better." 

 

"I look ridiculous," Misha grumbled.  He felt ridiculous to boot, but he couldn't resist Jensen. 

 

"You look great, Mish.  Don't worry," Jensen said, bumping his shoulder.  "Besides, just think of how fucking stunned Fergus is going to look when he sees the two of us walk in together." 

 

"Your swearing is getting better," Misha said, raising an eyebrow at Jensen. 

 

Jensen laughed and poked Misha in the nose.  "Stop trying to deflect.  I promise that it's going to be all right, don't worry." 

 

"Right," Misha said, huffing a little bit.  "I'll do my best," he said.  He definitely didn't shiver when Jensen wrapped his hand around his and gave a quick squeeze. 

 

"Good.  I happen to have first hand knowledge of how awesome your best is," Jensen said, grinning when his Mom pulled up in front of the school. 

 

"Dance is over at 10pm?" Donna asked, raising an eyebrow at the both of them. 

 

"Yeah!" Jensen said, already sliding out of the car. 

 

Misha followed behind Jensen, managing to mumble thanks to Jensen's Mom before he was following the other boy into the darkened gymnasium.  This was a _terrible_ idea.  They didn't even a prank planned, they were just coming to prove a point to Fergus and then they were going to leave.  Or something.

 

"My shirt looks better on you thank you think," Jensen said, plucking at the white fabric on Misha's shoulder.  He wasn't going to think about just how much he liked the idea of Misha wearing his clothing.  "So come on.  Where's your famous confidence?" 

 

Misha took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, glaring at Jensen a little bit.  "My confidence normally isn't paraded around in front of the entire high school." 

 

"That's not what you said when you went streaking in bright orange boxers," Jensen whispered, teasing a laugh out of Misha. 

 

Misha grinned a little bit as he remembered that.  "I wanted to win that twenty bucks." 

 

"And you did.  Now, if you can do that, I have no doubt in my mind that you can do anything, including knock the socks off of anyone here!" Jensen said, grinning at Misha. 

 

Misha swallowed hard and nodded again.  "Right.  Let's do this." 

 

Jensen leaned in close and gave Misha a quick one-armed hug.  "Just remember how good the look on Fergus' face is going to be." 

 

And Misha did.  It was worth it to see Fergus' face, to watch his mouth drop open in shock before it slid into derision and mockery.  He bit down on his lip to keep his face from flaming.  Despite what he wanted, he and Jensen were only here as friends and he needed to remember that. 

 

"Mish?" Jensen called, tugging him towards one of the tables, grabbing a few water bottles. 

 

Misha snapped to attention and followed behind Jensen.  He was well aware there were people staring at them and he was trying not to let it bother him.  He reminded himself that they were just jealous that he was the one standing there with Jensen and not them. 

 

He took one of the water bottles and took a few desperate gulps for his dry throat.  This was almost his worst nightmare.  Almost, but not quite.  Everyone was staring at them, everyone was going to know, and Jensen thought that they were the ones who were shocking the entire school.  "Jen," he said, keeping his voice quiet.  "Maybe we should-"

 

Jensen lit up and stood up.  "We should dance, you're right!" 

 

Misha slammed his mouth shut and resisted the urge to groan, because fucking hell that was _not_ what he meant and dancing in close proximity with Jensen would only result in awkward boners.  "Jen, dancing is not going to help with the rumors about us," he said, raising an eyebrow. 

 

Jensen shrugged.  "They're rumors and you and I know they aren't true, so what do we care?" 

 

He didn't have a good response for that.  He probably should, considering.  But for the most part, there was nothing that he could say back to that.  He took a deep breath and pushed his fingers through his hair.  "Here's the thing, Jen," he started. 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed Misha's hand, tugging him up and out of his seat.  "I don't care if you don't know how to dance!" 

 

Misha did want to know exactly how Jensen had known that he was going to use that as his excuse, because that was some scary soulmate level mind-reading shit there.  Jensen should not have been able to peg him that quickly or easily.  Except then Jensen was tugging him to a corner of the dance floor and standing in front of him with a stupid grin on his face that he really  wanted to kiss a hundred times over. 

 

Jensen raised an eyebrow at Misha.  "Come on Mish," he whispered.  "Us against the world, right?  You've been telling me that for years, now let's prove it to them.  I'll be right here next to you." 

 

Misha swallowed hard and stepped in closer to Jensen.  "Are you leading?" he managed to ask. 

 

"If you actually can't dance, then yes," Jensen said, grinning a little bit. 

 

"Yeah, no idea," Misha said, putting his hands on Jensen's shoulders.  Jensen's hands were at his waist and he resisted the urge to suck in, because Jensen would feel, would feel-

 

"Stop it," Jensen growled, pinching Misha on the side.  "You're perfectly fine as you are and I'm happy to be dancing with you." 

 

Misha glanced around the gym.  People were already starting to whisper and tomorrow the rumors might not be rumors anymore.  He swallowed hard and looked up at Jensen.  He grinned a little bit and stepped with Jensen.  As long as he had Jensen with him, well, maybe he didn't mind the rumors, or if they became more than rumors. 

 

"All right, then let's light this candle," Misha said, grinning up at Jensen. 

 

"About time you showed up," Jensen said, grinning back at Misha. 

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Ten

 

Misha flopped down on his bed, his arms and legs spread out as he stared at the stars they had finally finished putting on his ceiling.  "I am so _tired_ ," he whined. 

 

Jensen laughed and lifted one of Misha's arms, flopping underneath him, putting his head on Misha's pillow.  "Yeah, that took longer than I thought." 

 

Misha groaned and lifted his arm off of Jensen.  "I am not going to move until tomorrow." 

 

"You have a science test tomorrow," Jensen mumbled and yawned.  "And a spelling test, and you still don't know how to spell decisive." 

 

"Too many vowels," Misha protested, yawning as well, reaching over to punch Jensen in the arm.  He looked up at the ceiling again.  "Do you want to put stars on your ceiling too?" 

 

Jensen shook his head.  "Nah.  I'll be over here often enough that this is like putting them on mine." 

 

Misha snorted and shifted so he was lying on his pillow next to Jensen.  "You just don't want to put them up again." 

 

"I have to admit," Jensen said.  "That's true." 

 

Misha snickered and yawned again, snuggling into the pillow that smelled a little bit like Jensen and was too comfy to move away from.  "Hey Jen?" 

 

"Yeah?" Jensen said, turning onto his side to look at Misha. 

 

"We're best friends, right?" Misha asked, chewing on his lower lip. 

 

Jensen smiled easily.  "Of course we are.  You think I'd help just anybody put stars up on their ceiling?" 

 

Misha smiled and shook his head.  "No, but..." 

 

Jensen scooted a little closer, blinking sleepily at Misha.  "Come on Mish, tell me what's wrong.  You've got your thinking face on." 

 

"My thinking face?" Misha asked. 

 

"Yeah," Jensen said, reaching out to press the spot between Misha's eyebrows.  "You always get a wrinkle here when you are thinking too hard.  That's how I know it's your thinking face." 

 

Misha flushed and looked at Jensen's arm and tried to think of what he could say to that.  "I guess, well.  We're going to middle school soon." 

 

"I know," Jensen said.  "So?" 

 

Misha bit down on his lip.  "What if we don't go to the same middle school?" 

 

Jensen blinked and frowned at Misha.  "Why wouldn't we go to the same middle school?" 

 

Misha shrugged.  "Your Mom had talked about you maybe going to a school with a better sports program-"

 

"Yeah, for high school!  And even then, I'm not going to go to a school that you can't go to, Mish!" Jensen protested, scowling.  "That'd be crazy.  Why would I want to go to a school you couldn't?" 

 

Misha bit down on his lip.  "I mean, if it's what is going to be good for you in sports-"

 

Jensen scoffed and rolled his eyes.  "I can play football anywhere.  I'm not going to worry about it when that isn't going to happen for years!  Who knows if I'll even still be playing football!" 

 

Misha swallowed hard and tried to smile at Jensen.  When he put it like that, it didn't make a lot of sense.  But he couldn't help worrying.  "I just-"

 

"Nope," Jensen said, reaching out to press a finger to Misha's lips.  "No more justs, no more thinking about silly things like me going to a school without you.  We're best friends, right?"

 

Misha nodded against Jensen's fingers. 

 

"You're sure?" Jensen demanded, narrowing his eyes at Misha. 

 

Misha scowled and tried to bite Jensen's finger. 

 

Jensen laughed and yanked his hand away.  "Okay, good, because you were sounding a little bit unsure there." 

 

"Yeah, we're best friends, Jen," Misha said, watching Jensen carefully.

 

"Right," Jensen said, shifting even closer to Misha, reaching out to ruffle his hair carefully.  "Now I want you to understand something, very, very important." 

 

Misha swallowed hard and stared at Jensen.  "What?" he whispered. 

 

"Best friends means _best_ friends.  You are the most important person in my life until I find my soulmate," Jensen growled, glaring a little at Misha. 

 

Misha felt his stomach jump into his throat and he couldn't breathe, those words pounding through his mind.  He was that important to Jensen?  His head swam and he swayed a little bit, unable to look away from Jensen's eyes.  They were beautiful, a little bit angry, and they were glittering.  He wanted to stare at them forever. 

 

"Now," Jensen continued, staring at Misha.  "That means that we are together.  _Forever_.  Got it?" 

 

Misha nodded slowly, his heart pounding so loudly he was sure that Jensen could hear it.  "Got it," he whispered, his voice hoarse. 

 

"Come on, Mish," Jensen demanded.  "You have to be with me on this.  We're in this together, right?  You and I?" 

 

"Yeah," Misha said, his voice more firm as he started to smile.  "Yeah, we are, Jen." 

 

Jensen gave him a grin that made his insides squish and Misha tried to grin back at him. 

 

"Good," Jensen said, holding out his hand.  "Pinky promise?" 

 

Misha laughed, holding out his hand, wrapping their pinkies around each other.  "Yeah, Jen, pinky promise." 

 

"No breaking a pinky promise," Jensen said, his voice serious. 

 

Misha shook his head, his hair flying a little bit.  "Nope, not ever." 

 

Jensen nodded and pulled his hand away.  "Good.  Now we're stuck together." 

 

Misha smiled.  "Sounds good to me." 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Age Sixteen

 

It would be tonight.  Tonight had been incredible.  Jensen had made him laugh and smile, and they had danced together, and they had had punch that was definitely spiked and Misha felt gorgeous every time Jensen looked at him. 

 

Tonight they'd tell each other, they'd get their soulmate marks and he'd have Jensen forever, just like he'd promised.  Jensen tugged on his hand again, pulling him towards the football field and Misha laughed, stumbling after him.  The dance had been far too hot and they both wanted some fresh air, needed it, even. 

 

The football field wasn't far away, and by the time they got there Misha was ready to collapse and sleep for the next ten years.  He giggled and flopped down into the grass.  He smirked up at Jensen.  "Come on, relax, the grass is comfy." 

 

"No it isn't," Jensen grumped, stretching out next to Misha. 

 

Misha laughed and rolled onto his side.  "That's because you get tackled into it all of the time." 

 

Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes and looked at Misha.  The tie was loose around his neck, and his hair was messy again, but he looked... he swallowed and shook his head.  "Yeah, probably," he agreed. 

 

"No probably about it," Misha said with a laugh.  He stretched out and spread his legs.  "Tonight was awesome, Jen." 

 

"I told you," Jensen said, smirking.  "Told you that we needed to prove all of them wrong, rumors be damned." 

 

Misha hummed a little bit and waited for Jensen to meet his eyes again.  He swallowed hard and mustered up the rest of his courage.  "What if they weren't rumors?" he whispered. 

 

Jensen's eyes snapped to his and Misha flushed, because he'd never seen Jensen look like that before. 

 

"What?" Jensen whispered. 

 

Misha wanted to groan, because of course Jensen was going to make him say it again.  Of course he couldn't have heard it the first time.  He moved a little bit closer to him and cleared his throat.  He was going to make sure that Jensen could hear him this time.  "What if," Misha said, looking up at Jensen.  "They _weren't_ rumors."

 

Jensen dropped his eyes to Misha's lips and clenched his hands into the artificial turf to keep himself from reaching out to touch Misha.  "Wh-what do you mean?" 

 

Misha shrugged a little bit and gave Jensen a smile.  "Everyone assumes we're together, right?  Like, all of the time," he said, giggling.  "Sooooo, we just make it real!"

 

Jensen blinked, staring at Misha, his heart hammering.  His mouth was dry and he didn't know what to say, and Misha was leaning over him.  "Mish..." he whispered. 

 

"Yeah, Jen?" Misha said, looking up into his eyes and grinning.  "Don't worry, I promise I've gotten better since the last time that we practiced."

 

Jensen sucked in a hard breath and then Misha was kissing him and his lips were so, _so_ soft and they tasted like the punch they'd had in the gym.  He groaned a little, because Misha was pressing closer and he hadn't lied about getting more practice, because Misha's lips were teasing his open and Jensen had never felt anything so good. 

 

Misha shifted and put one hand on the other side of Jensen's shoulders, keeping himself balanced.  He whined into the kiss, tilting his head to the side to give them a better angle, thinking of the last time they had bumped noses when they'd tried this. 

 

He pulled back just enough to stare at Jensen and gave him a smile.  "See?  No nose bumping this time," Misha whispered. 

 

Jensen leaned up, about to kiss Misha again when a voice cut across the field. 

 

"Well, well, _well_.  I can't say I'm surprised, but I wouldn't have thought you open enough to do it in _public_ , Jenny," A low voice drawled. 

 

Jensen's eyes snapped open and he shoved Misha away from him, scrambling to his feet in a rush.  Fergus was walking closer to them, his hands in his pockets and he looked desperately between Misha and Fergus.  "I wasn't, I mean..." 

 

Fergus raised an eyebrow.  "You weren't, _what_...exactly...?  Because it looked like..." 

 

Jensen clenched his hands into fists and he could feel Misha staring at him and his lips still tasted like Misha's and he could still see how blue Misha's eyes were.  "It wasn't," he spat, glaring at Fergus. 

 

"So my eyes were playing tricks on me, then?" Fergus hummed. 

 

"Jen-"

 

"Yes," Jensen said, cutting off the protest from Misha.  He glared at Fergus and stepped closer to the other boy.  "And if you ever think about saying anything different..." 

 

"My, my, now why on earth would I do _that_ , Jenny?" Fergus drawled, spinning on his heel, heading back towards the gym.  "I didn't see anything at all." 

 

Jensen was breathing hard and he clenched his eyes shut, his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. 

 

"Jensen?"

 

Jensen wanted to turn and look at Misha.  He wanted to wrap Misha in his arms because he could _hear_ the insecurity that was there.  Misha sounded scared and hesitant and he'd never wanted to hear Misha be either of those things around him.  Not ever. 

 

Jensen swallowed hard and shook his head.  He couldn't do this.  He couldn't do it.  "I'm sorry," he whispered.  He took off running. 

 

He didn't stop until he'd managed to run all of the way home, his chest heaving, his shirt and jacket wet and sticky with sweat.  Jensen rubbed at his eyes and ignored the worried looks from his parents as he walked in the door. 

 

Misha pushed himself into a sitting position as he watched Jensen run off the football field and head for the road.  He could feel the tears falling, but all he felt was numb inside.  His chest hurt where Jensen had pushed him off of him.  "Jen..." he whispered. 

 

"Crying for your boyfriend already?" Fergus said. 

 

Misha glared at the other boy as he walked back out of the shadows of the bleachers.  "He's not my boyfriend!"  No matter how much he wanted Jensen to be.  But, but Jensen didn't want him. 

 

"You sure about that?  You're crying over him.  Are you crying because he rejected you?" Fergus asked, tilting his head, a cruel smirk on his face. 

 

Misha forced himself to his feet and shook his head.  "No, no, Jensen is my best friend and-"

 

"Best friends don't kiss each other like that," Fergus said, pulling his hand out of his pocket to look at his fingernails.  "I saw you both, and I'll tell everyone." 

 

Misha's stomach dropped into his feet and he trembled.  "You, you didn't see anything!" 

 

"Really?" Fergus asked with an eyebrow, walking closer.  "When was the last time that you practiced?  You mentioned getting better." 

 

Misha blanched and he froze.  "I, I don't know what you're talking about," he stammered. 

 

Fergus hummed again and rocked back on his heels, standing in front of Misha.  "I'll make you a deal, Misha." 

 

"I know better than to make deals with you!" Misha said, clenching his hands into fists. 

 

Fergus raised an eyebrow.  "So you want me to tell everyone that I caught the two of you?  That I caught the two of you having sex?"

 

"You didn't!" Misha shouted, glaring at Fergus through his tears.  "We were, we were..."

 

"Yes?" Fergus asked, leaning closer. 

 

Misha snapped his mouth shut and turned, walking away from Fergus. 

 

"He'll dump you like the trash you are, Misha.  Just watch!" 

 

No he wouldn't.  Jensen wouldn't do that.  Jensen would _never_ do that to him.  Jensen was his best friend, they'd, they'd figure out what to do about Fergus.  Maybe Jensen would break his nose again. 

 

Jensen punching Fergus in his big fat asshole nose kept Misha from crying as he walked home, his arms wrapped around himself.  He missed Jensen. 

 

~!~

 

Jensen didn't call him, but he was late and he was probably tired.  Misha didn't bother answering his Mom's questions, he just hurried up to his room and hid himself in his blankets.  At least one of his pillows still smelled like Jensen. 

 

He pressed his face into it and cried a little bit more.  Maybe Jensen didn't know they were soulmates and that was why he'd pushed him away?  But, why had he said that to Fergus?  It didn't make any sense!

 

He'd get answers out of Jensen tomorrow, they'd see each other at school. 

 

Misha fell asleep with his hands tangled in the pillow that smelled like Jensen. 

 

The next morning, Misha got himself ready at top speed.  He could feel his Mom watching him, but he ignored her and didn't answer any of the questions she had about the dance.  He had a Jensen to track down so he could get some answers from him about what was going on. 

 

He got to the school early enough that he could wait by Jensen's locker.  Luckily his wasn't too far away and when the school started filling up, he ignored the people who were looking at him and whispering.  It didn't matter, none of it mattered, because he would sort things out with Jensen and then he would be fine. 

 

Misha grinned when he saw Jensen walk through the front doors of the school.  He glanced at the clock.  They didn't have a ton of time, but he'd at least be able to understand what the hell had happened the night before.  His shoulder still hurt from where Jensen had pushed him last night. 

 

When Jensen got closer, he smiled and was about to call him when one of the cheerleaders sauntered past him and wrapped an arm around Jensen's waist. 

 

"Hey Jen," she whispered, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

 

Misha froze, staring at her, he was pretty sure her name was Daneel, wrapped around Jensen, her hair tied up into a pretty ponytail.  Jensen met his eyes for a second and then looked towards her, giving her one of his wide smiles.  The smiles that he didn't give anyone else. 

 

"Hey Dani, ready for our date tonight?" Jensen asked. 

 

Misha felt like he had been punched in the chest.  He backed away from Jensen, from where he was getting backslaps and cheers for going out with the hottest girl in the school.  Misha shouldered his backpack and hurried off to class so he wasn't late. 

 

He pulled out his phone out and sent a few question marks to Jensen, wanting to know what the hell was going on.  How had Jensen managed to get a date with Daneel in a day?  Why had Jensen ignored him?  What the hell was going on?  Why did Jensen even want to date Daneel?! 

 

"He's done with you now," Fergus said, watching as Misha approached the classroom.  "Your protector has moved on to bigger and better things, just like you always knew he would, right?" 

 

Misha bit down on his lip, hard.  No answer from Jensen on his phone.  Jensen normally would answer by the end of class, he just had to wait a little bit longer.  "No, I don't believe that," he whispered.  Jensen wouldn't do that.  That's not the type of guy Jensen was, Jensen was so much _better_ than that. 

 

"Belief or not, it's not going to matter when you see that I'm right," Fergus said, heading off to his own class. 

 

The rest of the day was a blur, and Misha nearly got his phone taken away three times, but he kept checking it, hoping for a response from Jensen.  Anything, even a "we'll talk later" would have been better than the silence.  Jensen hadn't even looked at him in the hallways, or during English, and Jensen hadn't sat next to him. 

 

Misha shrank under the stares that were getting worse and worse as the day went by.  People were openly whispering now and Misha told himself that it didn't matter, that none of it mattered.  He just had to get to Jensen and they had to, they had to talk things out, figure out what happened. 

 

He could probably come over after school tomorrow.  Jensen didn't have practice, since it was a night before a game, and he was going, going out with Daneel tonight.  Misha nodded to himself.  That was what he would do.  He would visit Jensen and they would, they would figure things out.  They _would_.  They had to.  Jensen was his soulmate, and even soulmates fought sometimes.  They just had to talk and everything would be okay. 

 

The rest of the day, and the following, the whispers became people talking.  He could even hear them, sneering about him as he walked by.  Misha curled his shoulders and kept his eyes on the floor.  Fergus was always there, wherever he looked, ready to remind him that Jensen had moved on, that he wasn't wanted anymore. 

 

Misha managed to get through the third day, only crying during lunch when he didn't have anyone to sit with.  He took his lunch outside and sat down by one of the trees not far from the football field.  He'd see Jensen after school today.  That was all he had to do. 

 

As soon as school was over, Misha raced over to the Ackles' house.  Jensen didn't have a last period, so Misha knew that he had to be home.  He knocked on the door and smiled at Donna, bright and wide when she opened the door.  "Hi, Donna!" 

 

"Hello Misha," Donna said, smiling a little.  "Is everything all right?" 

 

"Yeah, I just wanted to see Jensen," Misha said with a smile.  "We've missed each other at school the last few days!" 

 

Donna blinked and frowned.  "He's not here, he went out with friends.  I thought that you had gone with him." 

 

Misha blinked and his face fell.  " _Oh_.  Uh.  No, I didn't.  It's okay.  Could you tell him I was here?" 

 

"Yeah, of course sweetie," Donna said, smiling at him again.  "I'll make sure he comes over the next time he has a free afternoon." 

 

Misha nodded again, biting down on his lip as he walked back down the Ackles' driveway.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the four other messages he'd sent Jensen over the past three days.  They didn't even show that Jensen had opened them. 

 

He headed home, feeling dizzy.  It was just an accident.  Jensen wasn't avoiding him.  He _couldn't_ be.  Jensen was his best friend, and best friends didn't avoid each other. 

 

Except he did. 

 

The rest of March passed in a blur.  Misha didn't try to see Jensen at school anymore.  Jensen didn't sit near him during classes, he sat surrounded by other friends.  Better friends. 

 

He broke up with Daneel a few weeks later.  Misha only noticed because he caught Jensen kissing Sandy, she was a cheerleader too, against his locker when he walked by.  He didn't think about how he knew Jensen felt when he kissed someone. 

 

Misha stopped going over to Jensen's house.  He was never there when he visited, and Donna didn't have anything that she could tell him.  Misha thanked her and tried to smile when he walked home.  Except his Mom was always there, and she watched him, all of the time. 

 

He locked himself in his room and tried not to think of the things that belonged to Jensen here.  Misha expected that they would disappear someday, just like the rest of Jensen had disappeared from his life.  He pulled out his phone and opened the messages.  No new ones. 

 

Jensen's name, which had always been at the top, had fallen off the first page of the messages.  Misha clenched his eyes shut and a few tears escaped.  He opened the messages from Jensen and scrolled up, looking through their past conversations.  He didn't have much of Jensen left, but he did have this. 

 

"Misha?" Rebecca called, knocking on his door.  He didn't answer her and she frowned, opening the door a crack.  Misha had fallen asleep on his bed, his face buried in a pillow.  She could see the tear tracks on his cheeks and her heart broke for him. 

 

She closed the door carefully behind her and left Misha to his privacy.  Rebecca debated calling Donna, but she knew even less about what was going on with Jensen and Misha.  Neither of them had their marks, and they hadn't talked in weeks.  Something had happened.  Something bad had happened. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* I'm SO sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

Misha stopped trying to talk to other people in April.  No one wanted him, and it was better if he just stayed away from everyone.  He kept his grades up, but it was only because he didn't have anything to do after school anymore.  He did his homework and focused on his studies and definitely didn't wonder how Jensen was doing in Science.

 

In May, Jensen dated two different girls in two weeks.  Misha heard the word 'player' used in reference to his best friend and had to make sure no one saw him wrinkle his nose.  Jensen was not, and had never been a _player_.  He didn't treat girls like that.  He was better than that. 

 

At the end of May, Misha had to start wearing longer shirts to hide his bruises again.  Now that they knew Jensen wouldn't come to protect him, Misha spent most of his time between classes hiding from Fergus and his bullies.  It was okay.  He deserved it after what he had done to Jensen.  He'd driven Jensen away.  It was his fault. 

 

In June, Misha didn't have any more tears to cry over Jensen.  They were gone.  So were all of Jensen's things in his room.  He'd collected them all and dropped them off with Donna, one night.  It'd been easier to ignore her questions than he'd thought, she'd barely questioned him when he dropped them off.  Maybe Jensen didn't even want those things anymore and he would throw them away. 

 

His room felt incomplete now, missing those pieces, but he got used to it.  Misha didn't look at the spots where Jensen used to keep his comic books and some of the things he would leave here.  It was better now that they weren't here. 

 

Once the school year was over, Misha was free of the whispers that followed him everywhere. 

 

His bruises faded. 

 

But now there was nothing to distract him.  Jensen wasn't over at his house every day, or vice versa.  There was no trip to the lake to plan this year, he wouldn't be going with the Ackles family ever again.  It was for the best, Jensen wouldn't want him anywhere near, not after what he'd done. 

 

It was a sunny morning in July when he overheard his Mom on the phone. 

 

"Jensen wants to take her to the lake?  I mean, of course I understand, but Misha-" Rebecca bit her lip and nodded.  "Yes, I mean, of course, Donna, it's more than fine, I understand.  Yes, I'll tell him." 

 

His Mom didn't need to tell him what he already knew.  Jensen would be taking his girlfriend to the lake house instead of him.  Maybe they would go skinny dipping together.  Maybe she would kiss Jensen under the waterfall, and maybe they would have their soulmate marks appear. 

 

Misha stood up from this couch, his heart pounding.  Every single part of him hurt, but he didn't have anymore tears.  _None_.  He ignored his Mom saying his name.  "I'm going to go for a walk," he managed and opened the door, closing it behind him. 

 

He walked to the end of the block stood there.  Left, down three blocks took him to Jensen's house.  There was nothing for him there now.  Misha looked to the right. 

 

He started running. 

 

~!~

 

Jensen scowled and frowned at the sound of the bell, glaring up at the ceiling.  The last thing he needed was to be late for class, but he still had to stop by his old locker and see if the combination was the same.  He hoped that it was. 

 

He grabbed the lock and started twisting it, and then froze when someone came up to the bay of lockers ten or so down.  It was September, and sure, some of the people here changed over the summer, but that couldn't be...

 

"Hey handsome," Daneel drawled, leaning against the locker, eyeing the new kid with the messy hair and deep blue eyes.  "Are you new around here?" 

 

Misha raised his eyes to Daneel and rolled them.  "No.  I have been attending this high school for as long as you have Daneel Harris," he said, grabbing his books out of the locker before he brushed past her.  He knew that Jensen could see them, but Jensen wouldn't even look at it him. 

 

He was used to burying the small spark of hope that one day Jensen would call his name just like he used to.  Misha took a deep breath and settled his backpack on his shoulder better, tugging his sleeve down out of habit a moment later. 

 

Misha looked down at his schedule and turned to head for the James building.  His first class was there.  He lengthened his stride and broke into a small jog.  It wouldn't do to be late on the first day of junior year. 

 

~!~

 

Jensen stared as Misha walked by him without a second look and he had to swallow hard, his mind racing.  Misha looked, Misha looked so _different_.  He'd, he was wearing a button up shirt, and a black vest with his jeans.  He was gorgeous, but any trace of the Misha he'd known as a sophomore was gone. 

 

~!~

 

"Ackles, man!" Matt said, slapping him on the back.  "Dude, why the hell didn't you tell me that Misha was a runner?  I would have recruited him back when he was a freshman!" 

 

Jensen was left reeling as Matt kept talking, grinning excitedly at the news that they would finally have another good long distance runner.  Misha had started _running_?  Running for fun, even?  Since when?! 

 

He scowled and checked his schedule again.  He had gym later, maybe Misha was in his gym class and he could get some damn answers as to what the hell was going on!  When the hell did Misha run for recreation?  How long had that being going on? 

 

Jensen damn near cheered when he realized that Misha was in his gym class, but he didn't get a chance to say a word to Misha, let alone talk to him.  He scowled at everyone for the rest of the day, even when Cindy told him it made him look ugly.  He didn't care, he wanted to get a better look at Misha and ask him when he had started running. 

 

Except that Misha had turned into a master of avoiding him.  They could be in the same room and Jensen would do his best to immediately head over to where Misha was, but Misha would be gone before he blinked again.  Jensen flopped back onto his bed and growled in frustration.  Dammit, Misha only lived three blocks away, he could just walk over there and demand some answers. 

 

Jensen pushed himself off of the bed and was out the door with a quick call to his Mom before he could think too hard about it.  He jogged over to Misha's house and smiled at the sight of the sneakers on the front porch.  Misha had been leaving them there for as long as he could remember. 

 

He knocked on the door and smiled at Rebecca when she opened the door.  She frowned at him and his face fell.  "Is, is he here?" 

 

Rebecca sighed and looked at Jensen.  She wanted to say a hundred different things to Jensen, but none of them were hers to say.  "No, Jensen, he isn't.  He had track practice today."

 

Jensen scowled and looked at the sneakers on the porch.  _Dammit_.  "How long has he been doing track?" 

 

"He started over the summer," Rebecca said.  "Do you need me to let him know that you were here, Jensen?" 

 

Jensen opened his mouth and snapped it shut.  "I, no, no, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for bothering you.  I'll just..." he didn't know how he was supposed to finish that sentence, so he just rubbed the back of his head and walked down the porch steps. 

 

What the hell was going on with Misha?! 

 

~!~

 

Misha slumped into a chair in front of the kitchen table.  He wanted to eat, he _needed_ to eat.  His carbohydrate intake needed to stay up, but nothing tasted good, or like anything that he wanted to remotely eat. 

 

"Misha," Rebecca said, eyeing him.  "You need to eat something.  And don't give me the excuse that you ate dinner after school.  I know that you didn't." 

 

Misha sighed and shoveled some of the spaghetti into his mouth.  He couldn't taste it, even with his Mom's homemade sauce. 

 

Rebecca tapped her fingernail against the glass of water in front of her and made a choice.  "Misha?" 

 

"Hmm?" Misha asked, looking up at his Mom with a raised eyebrow. 

 

"Jensen was here today.  Looking for you." 

 

Misha coughed, choking on his mouthful of spaghetti, fumbling for the glass of water in front of him, chugging it down to clear his throat.  His mind spun, he'd never seen his Mom look so serious before. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his heart from pounding.  "I don't know why." 

 

"Neither do I.  He wouldn't tell me.  He just asked if you were here, and how long you'd been running," Rebecca said. 

 

Misha gave a small, hoarse laugh.  "Of course.  I'm sure he'd want to be the one to start the rumors about my 'dramatic transformation'."  The food in front of him lost any of its appeal and he stood up.  "I'm just going to go for a jog before bed, tire myself out," he explained. 

 

Rebecca frowned and watched Misha head for the door. 

 

"So Jensen doesn't come see him all summer long and now appears at the door today?" Richard asked, his voice gruff. 

 

"Yeah," Rebecca said, shaking her head.  "Not even Donna knows what is going on with him.  But they need to figure it out on their own." 

 

Richard frowned and nodded, reaching out to squeeze her arm.  "They'll get there.  They're both stubborn, but they'll get there." 

 

~!~

 

Jensen didn't get the answer to his question until gym class several weeks into the semester.  He had finished toweling off his hair and was walking out of the showers when he caught sight of Misha stepping out of his shower as well.  The towel was tight around his waist, but Jensen could see hints of what looked like scars on his thighs, and on his shoulders. 

 

He froze, but Misha didn't look at him as he walked by.  In a matter of minutes, Misha was dressed and Jensen realized that he hadn't even noticed the difference in Misha's weight, just the scars that he thought he had seen on the first day of school.  A sick feeling rolled, low in his belly.  Those couldn't be what he thought they were, could they? 

 

Well, he'd just have to get Misha to stop avoiding him so he could get a fucking answer already.  Jensen was glad when coach let them go early.  The track team would be finishing their meet soon and he wanted a chance to talk to Misha about what he'd seen.  Misha wouldn't be able to avoid him at a track meet. 

 

Jensen hung back at the edge of the small crowd that consisted of mostly parents and some of the other students and watched the last piece of the race.  Misha won (and Jensen shared a small private cheer for him) in his distance by more than thirty seconds.  This time, Jensen let himself look at the way the white shirt was clinging to Misha's chest, and the sweat that was trickling down his neck and into his messy hair. 

 

Misha pushed his hand through his hair and made it stick up even more than it already was.  He grinned a little bit and followed the team back towards the gym and waited for him after the team started coming out of the showers.  Misha was one of the last ones out, and Jensen could easily guess why.  When he stepped out of the gym, his bag over his shoulder, Jensen stepped in front of him and raised an eyebrow. 

 

Misha didn't even look at him, only moved around him to keep walking and Jensen felt his stomach twist painfully.  "Aren't you going to look at me?" he called. 

 

Misha stopped for a fraction of a second.  He didn't know why Jensen was here, but whatever reason it was would be better not to think about.  "No," he said, resuming his brisk walk.  Maybe there was a girl on the team Jensen wished to date.  The small sting of pain at the idea hurt less than it used to.  He was used to it, now. 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

"Misha!" Jensen said, his voice frustrated.  He jogged after Misha and grabbed his arm.  "Come on man, you aren't a dick, what the hell is with the attitude?"

 

Misha yanked his arm away from Jensen and took two steps back, glaring at Jensen.  He didn't let himself think about how different Jensen looked after the summer.  He was more tan than he'd been before, and he had even more freckles scattered across his nose.  "There is no attitude.  I need to get home," Misha said, turning to the road. 

 

"No you don't, your Mom won't make dinner for another hour at least," Jensen said, watching Misha stop again. 

 

Misha took a deep breath and tightened his hand around the strap of his back.  "Nonetheless, I have schoolwork that I need to finish, as my meet kept me from doing-"

 

"I saw," Jensen interrupted.  "You came in first place.  Congrats, Mish." 

 

"Don't call me that," Misha snarled, spinning around to face Jensen.  "My name is Misha.  Not Mish." 

 

Jensen took a step back at the anger on Misha's face that was gone a moment later.  He swallowed and held up his hands.  "I'm just trying to say congratulations there, kitty." 

 

Misha sighed and pressed two fingers to his temple.  "Thank you for your congratulations.  Now if you will excuse me, I need to be getting home." 

 

"Is that it then?" Jensen called as Misha crossed more of the parking lot.  "You just walk away from me?  You never were a coward, Misha!" 

 

Misha could feel his fingernails biting into his palm as he spun back around and stalked towards Jensen.  He dropped the bag to the ground and crossed his arms in front of the other boy, raising a challenging eyebrow.  "Fuck you.  You walked away long before I did.  I'm not the coward." 

 

Jensen ignored the sting of that statement, no matter how true it was.  He focused on Misha.  "What are you doing running track?"

 

"I like it," Misha said, narrowing his eyes. 

 

"You've never liked running your entire life.  I would know, you used to complain whenever we had to do those state evaluations," Jensen said, crossing his arms over his chest too. 

 

"I changed," Misha said.  "That happens to people, believe it or not." 

 

Jensen glared at Misha.  "When did you change into an asshole?"

 

Misha gave a harsh laugh and shook his head, turning away from Jensen, picking up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.  "That's fucking rich, coming from you." 

 

"When did you start swearing?" Jensen asked.  He took a step after Misha.  He didn't know the boy in front of him anymore.  Misha swore?  Misha liked to run?  Misha was an asshole now? 

 

Misha took a deep breath.  "Fuck off, Jensen.  Don't act like you care."

 

Jensen flinched back and scowled at the hard line of Misha's shoulders.  "Seriously, come on, Misha, what the hell happened?  You're-"

 

"Don't tell me what I am, and don't ask me what the hell happened when you know perfectly well," Misha said, his voice icy and calm.  "I am going home.  I suggest you do the same." 

 

Jensen glared at Misha, clenching his hands into fists.  "Tell me about the scars, Misha," he said, glaring at Misha's back. 

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Misha said, lengthening his stride, even as he heard Jensen walking behind him. 

 

"You going to lie about that too?" Jensen asked, putting on a little burst of speed to stop in front of Misha, crossing his arms over his chest.  "The ones on your shoulders and on your thighs." 

 

Misha frowned and shook his head.  "You're blind.  And bothering me.  I need to get home." 

 

Jensen watched Misha walk past him and growled, jogging to catch up with him again.  "So you're hiding from those too?  Are they what I think they are?" 

 

Misha shook his head.  "No, they aren't anything.  You're bothering me.  Go away Jensen."

 

"Liar," Jensen growled, watching Misha's back stiffen.  "Look at you, lying right to my face like that.  If it wasn't to me, I'd be impressed." 

 

"I am not lying," Misha said, taking a slow and deep breath.  He'd forgotten how angry Jensen could make him. 

 

Jensen walked in front of Misha again and stepped in close, not giving him an easy way around.  "Yes you are.  What the hell is going on Misha?  Why, why would you-"

 

Misha scoffed and rolled his eyes.  "You don't care.  Why are you doing this Jensen?" 

 

"Of course I care-" Jensen tried and snapped back when Misha lashed out with a punch to his shoulder. 

 

"No!" Misha said, blinking hard and glaring at Jensen.  "No!  You do not get to _care_!  You lost any right to _care_!" 

 

Jensen flinched and dropped his hand to his sides, staring at Misha as he heaved in breaths.  "Misha-" 

 

Misha shook his head again and laughed, staring at Jensen.  "Is this some sort of prank?  Some new rumor that will be spread all over the school tomorrow?  The poor little gay boy now-"

 

"Misha!" Jensen snapped, stepping in close, grabbing Misha's shoulders.  "No!  I'm fucking worried about you, if you're doing-NGH!"

 

Jensen fell to his knees as Misha's fist sank into his stomach, a punch that he hadn't been expecting.  His eyes watered and he coughed, Misha's sneakers coming into his field of vision.  The same shoes he'd seen on the porch the other day.

 

"You lost any right to care about anything I did the day you became one of _them_ ," Misha snarled, his voice quiet.  "So no, Jensen, you do not get to care about me, or _worry_ about me.  You are going to go back to your golden life and you are going to continue to pretend I never existed and that we were never friends.  Because that's more convenient for you.  Once I became too much trouble, you dropped me." 

 

Jensen opened his mouth to protest, because that hadn't been it, it hadn't!  But he remembered the texts from Misha that he had never opened.  The ones that he had never read.  The way Misha had looked for him in the halls until the days he had stopped looking.  He snapped his mouth shut and clenched his eyes shut. 

 

"Go back to your perfect girlfriend and perfect life, Jensen," Misha said, walking away from him.  "Go back to not giving a shit about me.  You're better at it." 

 

Jensen listened to Misha walk away from him and he stayed, kneeling in the parking lot.  Misha's words were burning in his ears and he hated the fact that he was right.  _'You lost any right to care about anything I did the day you became one of **THEM**.'_  

 

He sucked in a painful breath, because Misha was right.  Jensen pushed himself to his feet slowly.  He'd become everything he had promised Misha that he never would.  And he'd even been a coward about it, to boot. 

 

Jensen walked home and ignored the worried look of his Mom and his Dad and sat down on the edge of the bed in his room.  Shoved in a corner was the box of stuff that Misha had taken out of his room.  Old comic books, school supplies, stuff he'd left over the years.  Misha had piled all of it into a box and given it to his Mom.  He'd never even looked at it. 

 

Did he even know Misha anymore?  After knowing him for more than ten years, he had no idea who the Misha who had shouted at him was. 

 

"Jensen?"

 

Jensen blinked up at his Mom and shook himself a little bit.  "Sorry, Mom, were you calling for me?" 

 

"Are you all right, honey?" Donna asked, studying Jensen.  She hadn't seen the look on Jensen's face before.  "What happened?"

 

Jensen opened his mouth and knew that there was no way he could possibly explain.  "I'm fine," he said instead.  "I just need to, to figure some stuff out." 

 

Donna nodded.  "All right.  I don't believe you for a second, but I'm here and your Dad is here when you need to talk." 

 

Jensen nodded again.  "Okay Mom.  Thanks." 

 

Donna hummed and shut the door to Jensen's room behind him.  She frowned and wondered who had thrown her son that badly off balance.  Normally there was only one person that could do that to him, but they hadn't talked in months. 

 

Jensen didn't sleep that night.  He stared at his ceiling, unable to keep from thinking about the last six months.  He hadn't said a word to Misha during any of them.  It'd been for the best, because he hadn't wanted the entire school to think that he was gay, but...

 

_'You lost that right!'_

 

Misha's voice was as clear as day and Jensen flinched, rolling over to press his face into the pillow.  Misha didn't get angry.  Even then, he didn't sound angry.  He sounded hurt.  Hurt, and dammit, he had every right to be.  Jensen sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. 

 

His alarm clock read four thirteen am.  He picked up his phone and opened the contacts list.  He scrolled down through his messages and looked at the small dot that signaled the eight unread messages from Misha.  Jensen opened them and took a deep breath. 

 

Message Sent - 3/5/2016 - 8:45am

 

??????????

 

Message Sent - 3/5/2016 - 4:13pm

 

Did you forget to charge your phone this morning?  Come by later!

 

Message Sent - 3/6/2016 - 11:37am

 

Jen? 

 

Message Sent - 3/6/2016 - 3:45pm

 

If you're ignoring me as a prank I'm going to put itching powder in your boxers again.

 

Message Sent - 3/7/2016 - 5:28pm

 

Hey, you weren't home after school.  Went out from friends.  Text me when you get back? 

 

Message Sent - 3/9/2016 - 8:01pm

 

Good job in the game tonight.  Come over to celebrate?

 

Message Sent - 3/15/2016 - 2:11pm

 

I'm sorry.  Please just text me back?  Or come over?

 

Message Sent - 3/31/2016 - 9:18pm

 

Not that you'll read this.  You didn't read the others and I’m sure that you blocked me.  But...  I have to write it.  I'm sorry.  I should have, have known better.  Please don't hate me.  I won't mention it again.  Just, message me back, Jen?  Please? 

 

Jensen dropped his phone to the blankets and pressed his face into his pillow, a small sob escaping him.  Six _months_.  Misha had thought that he had hated him for six months?  No wonder he was so angry.  He should never have been so fucking stupid, should have never, ever listened to Fergus. 

 

He tightened his hands in the pillows and cried harder than he had in years.  He had to find a way to make this right.  He _had_ to.  But even if he did find a way to make it right, Misha would never believe him.  He didn't have a reason to believe him. 

 

Jensen swallowed hard.  He'd have to prove it.  _Actions_.  Not words.  He'd left Misha to the wolves, something that he had promised his entire life that he would never do.  That had been his fault, and now he needed to fix all of it.  He wouldn't leave Misha.  Not again.  His own fear had cost him his best friend because he was a coward.

 

Jensen punched the pillow as hard as he could.  He would figure out a way to undo this.  He would figure out a way to get Misha back, and he knew exactly where to start. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Jensen didn't stop when he walked through the front doors of the school that morning.  He walked past everyone, and the rest of the people got out of his way.  Fergus was holding court by his locker, a smarmy grin on his face when he caught sight of him.  He clenched his hands into fists and stalked closer. 

 

"Why, if it isn't Captain Jenny!  What can I do-"

 

Jensen didn't stop, until he stood directly in front of Fergus and could land a perfect right uppercut to his jaw.  Fergus went down in a crumpled heap, moaning and Jensen knelt down in front of him, the rest of his cronies scattering.  Jensen could already hear a teacher coming, but he had enough time to make his point. 

 

"If you ever say another word to Misha, Fergus.  And I mean a _single_ word, I will break every single bone in your face," Jensen said and stood up when a teacher came to break them up.  He caught Misha's eye for a split second as he was walked to the principle's office.  He settled into the seat and stared up at the ceiling. 

 

Misha focused on his lunch in front of him, but the entire school was buzzing with the news of Jensen Ackles laying Fergus Crowley flat that morning.  He did his best not to eavesdrop, but everyone was talking about it.  Even the girls behind him in the lunchroom. 

 

"Did you see him though?  It was one punch!  _One punch_ and Fergus was on the ground." 

 

"I did!  I've never seen Jensen look that angry before!  Do you know why he did it?" 

 

"I do," A third girl said, leaning in closer. 

 

Misha told himself that he was absolutely not listening.  He wasn't.  He was just, curious what would cause Jensen to do something stupid like that. 

 

"After he knocked Fergus on the ground," she whispered, leaning in closer. "My boyfriend told me that Jensen said that if Fergus ever said a word to Misha again, he'd break every bone in his face."

 

Misha froze and he could feel all three of the girls looking at him. He focused on eating his lunch, pretending that he hadn't just heard a statement that made no sense whatsoever. Why the hell would Jensen do that? What was the point of doing that? Especially after their conversation last night when he had told Jensen to stop caring about him.

 

Misha took a sip of his water bottle and inhaled slowly, finishing the rest of his food. The girls had gone back to gossiping quietly between themselves and Misha tuned their conversation out. They were probably exaggerating anyways. There was no way that Jensen would say anything like that. No point to it either. He was used to Jensen not being around anymore.

 

If it still felt like there was a hole in the center of his chest every single time he thought about it?

 

 _Well_.

 

That was his own damn business.

 

 

~!~

 

 

Jensen leaned back against his locker, looking over at the rest of the football team. It was after practice, and they were all talking about a party, and he couldn't have been more disinterested. But he couldn't drop all of them entirely, because that would be too suspicious. He'd wait for his moment.

 

"So what the hell did Fergus do to piss you off Jensen? You going to tell us?"

 

Jensen opened his eyes and looked up at his linebacker, Chad. He smiled. "No."

 

"Awwww, come on Jenny!" Someone else said.

 

Jensen scowled shook his head. "No."

 

"I heard a rumor that it was because of that freak, Misha!"

 

Jensen tightened his hands into fists and looked at the person who had called Misha a freak. "This is your warning. Call him that again and you'll be on the ground faster than Fergus."

 

He kept his voice quiet and calm as he stared at the other teenager. Zachariah cowered for a moment but stood up straighter and scowled at him. "So, that's it, huh, you're hanging out with that little bi- _NGH_!"

 

Jensen kept his fist pressed into Zachariah's middle and leaned in close to his ear. "You had your warning," he said, pulling his hand back. He stood up and straightened his back, looking to the rest of the team. "Anyone else?" he asked.

 

Jensen nodded when everyone shook their heads. He watched Zach fall to his knees and glared at him, turning his back and heading for the showers. He'd win them all over, one at a time with his fists if he had to.

 

 

~!~

 

 

Three weeks later, the rumors were completely out of control. Misha couldn't go anywhere without someone reminding him that Jensen was picking fights with anyone who insulted him. Except Jensen hadn't told him what the hell was going on. He'd barely seen Jensen except for quick glances in the hallway. Every single time he had looked, Jensen was staring at him. He needed to know what the hell the game was before Jensen did something that he couldn't undo or take back.

 

He sighed and made his way over to track practice. That afternoon, his mother was waiting for him in the middle of the living room when he got back. She looked worried and a little scared.

 

"Mom?" he asked, stepping closer to her.

 

"Hey Mish, we need your help," Rebecca said. "Donna called me."

 

Misha tensed, his hand on his bag tightening and he looked down at the floor. "I haven't asked him to do anything, and I don't know why he's doing all of this, and if I did know, I would make him stop!"

 

"Woah, _woah_ ," Rebecca said, reaching out and rubbing his arms gently. "I know you'd never ask him to do anything like this. But he ended up in a fight with five boys today, and he's been suspended for five days. Jensen won't talk to anyone. Not Donna, not guidance counselors, no one."

 

Misha swallowed hard and stared down at her hands. "But the guidance counselors know why he's doing this. They've heard the rumors."

 

Rebecca nodded. "They have, yes."

 

Misha sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair, tugging it impatiently.  He was going to fucking kill Jensen.  Kill him, then bring him back so he could kill him all over again.  "What do they want me to do?" 

 

"Try to talk to him," Rebecca said.  "If he's doing this for a reason that's tied to you, maybe you can get him to stop." 

 

Misha stared down at the floor.  He wished that were possible.  But he would try.  For Donna and his Mom.  "All right," he said quietly. 

 

Jensen had spent his entire suspension grounded.  He'd re-read every text message that he and Misha had sent that was still stored on his phone, a grand total of nine times.  He missed Misha like burning, but he hadn't done enough.  Not yet.  He had to prove it to Misha. 

 

"Guidance counselor's room.  Now, Mister Ackles," the secretary said. 

 

Jensen sighed and stood up, heading to the room.  She followed behind him and he steeled himself for another lecture from their counselor before he would be allowed to go back to class.  He stepped into the room and froze at the sight of Misha sitting on the edge of the desk in front of him. 

 

The door clicked shut behind him and he spun around once, turning back to face Misha.  His heart started pounding.  What the hell was going on? 

 

"Sit down, Jensen," Misha said, looking at one of the chairs in front of the desk.  He kicked his legs a little bit and looked down at his jeans, picking at them.  He waited until Jensen was seated in front of him and sighed. 

 

Jensen swallowed hard.  This was exactly what he had not wanted.  He hadn't wanted to tell Misha what he was doing.  He'd want to _show_ Misha, wanted to prove it to him that everything he was doing was to try and make up for what had happened. 

 

"You can't fight the whole school," Misha said, swinging his feet.  He looked down at his shoes.  At Jensen's jeans.  "You need to stop trying." 

 

Jensen flinched and looked away from Misha's sneakers, staring at the ugly carpet.  Misha wasn't going to try to pull punches, tell him that he was doing what was right in the wrong way.  Misha would tell it like it was.  But, it wasn't.  Because now Misha believed everything that Jensen had fought his entire life to try to make sure that he never believed. 

 

That he wasn't worth these fights, that he deserved to hear the word 'freak' thrown at him all of the time, or worse insults.  Jensen swallowed and realized he knew exactly how long it had taken Misha to get used to them.  _Six months_.  Six months of him abandoning Misha was all it had taken.  It was his fault, and he knew it, and he had to try to fix it. 

 

Misha sighed again.  "You don't need to fight my battles for me anymore.  I learned to fight on my own after you left," he said. 

 

Jensen clenched his eyes shut, his hands stuffed in his hoodie, pressed tightly together.  Of course Misha had learned to fight, he'd forced him to, Misha hadn't had anyone else in his corner, he'd been left to defend himself _alone_... 

 

"Jensen," Misha said, reaching out to poke Jensen in the knee with his foot.  "Look at me." 

 

Jensen forced his eyes up from the carpet to look up at Misha.  Misha's eyes were so much sadder than he remembered.  Misha's eyes used to sparkle.  Why didn't they sparkle anymore?  Had he taken that too when he'd left Misha?  The sick feeling in his stomach got worse and churned. 

 

"You need to stop fighting this battle before it costs you everything that you've worked for," Misha said, his voice quiet.  " _Everything_ , Jen.  The football scholarship you're lined up for, prospects in college, your family, your girlfriend-"

 

Jensen scoffed and didn't bother telling Misha that they'd broken up right after he'd been suspended.  He gave a hoarse laugh, because his chest was aching, it physically hurt so badly that he could care less, because all he could hear was Misha telling him how he wasn't worth giving up all of those things. 

 

"Jensen, please-"

 

"You don't get it, do you?" Jensen asked, slumping in the chair.  He didn't look at Misha.  He couldn't.  Instead he focused his eyes on Misha's knees.  They were safe. 

 

"Not if you don't tell me," Misha said, sliding off the desk, walking closer.  "You're going to give up everything you've worked for.  This is stupid, Jensen, you have your entire life ahead of you, college, football-" 

 

"None of that means anything if you aren't there to enjoy it with me!" Jensen shouted, glaring up at Misha, his chest tight enough to be painful.  A heavy, guilty weight in his chest that he would never lose.  All he could see in his mind's eye was the text from Misha asking him to please not hate him and he choked on a sob. 

 

Misha was frozen, his heart hammering as he stared at Jensen.  "Wh-what?" 

 

He curled up a little bit, hiding his face in his arms, not looking at Misha as he tried to explain.  "I wanted to prove it to you.  I wanted to prove that I could be a better friend.  I couldn't, you wouldn't have believed me if I'd just told you.  I had to prove it, I had to show it!  And people, people kept saying these things about you and I couldn't let them, because, because I couldn't! "

 

Misha's mouth dropped open and he stared at the top of Jensen's head, his mind racing.  That's why Jensen had been fighting half of the school for him? 

 

Jensen sucked in a hard breath of air and kept his eyes clenched shut.  "I know it's too late.  I know it is.  I just, I had to _try_ , I couldn't just, I couldn't leave things like that.  Because you were right, and I wanted to try to be better, because you deserve that." 

 

Jensen wiped angrily at his face and took a deep breath.  He wasn't crying over this, he wasn't.  "I know you've moved on," he said, his voice quiet.  "You don't need me anymore.  You never needed me.  Not _really_.  I've known that my entire life, that one day you wouldn't need me and you would go on to, to take over the world." 

 

Misha blinked hard and stared at Jensen, his image blurring for a few seconds. 

 

"And now," Jensen continued.  "Now you _really_ don't need me.  Not anymore.  And it's my greatest fear to come true."  He gave a hoarse laugh.  "Made even worse by the fact that it's my own fucking fault.  You'll leave me behind and I'll deserve it.  But I just..." his voice cracked. 

 

Misha took a step towards him and Jensen winced.  Now was the moment that Misha walked out that door and left him.  He deserved it.  It was his turn to be left behind.  "Mish," Jensen whispered.  "Mish, _please_."  He didn't even know what he was begging for anymore, except maybe to not be left behind. 

 

Jensen bit down a sob when Misha walked past him towards the door.  This was it then.  Misha was going to walk out on him just like he had.  He deserved it, and now Misha would have his moment, just like he'd always deserved.  He blinked when he didn't hear the door open, instead he heard a deadbolt sliding into place. 

 

He lifted his head, just as Misha wrapped both of his arms around his shoulders and hugged him close.  This time Jensen did sob, because he didn't deserve this, didn't deserve Misha holding him like this, giving him a second chance when he never should have.  "Mish..." 

 

"Hey," Misha said, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around Jensen’s shoulders.  "If I can't forgive my best friend for being an asshole, who can I forgive?" 

 

Jensen choked on a laugh and held Misha tighter, tangling his fingers into the t-shirt Misha was wearing.  A distant part of his mind could feel muscles under the shirt instead of the soft skin that he was used to, and he was reminded of just how much has changed in the past six months.  "I'm so _sorry_ , Mish." 

 

Misha hummed and pressed his face to the top of Jensen's head.  "I've missed you calling me Mish." 

 

"Doing it the other day made you angry," Jensen said, remembering the way that Misha's eyes had flashed, and even though he'd been furious, he'd looked so damn beautiful in that moment. 

 

Misha laughed.  "Well, yeah, of course it did.  I wasn't your Mish anymore.  You'd dropped me, remember?" 

 

Jensen flinched and pulled Misha in closer.  "I-"

 

"Hey," Misha interrupted.  "We're not going to rehash it.  The last six months have been shitty enough as is.  Got it?" 

 

"Okay," Jensen said, pressing his face to Misha's shoulder.  "Okay, I can do that." 

 

Misha smiled and rubbed Jensen's back in slow circles.  "Okay, good.  Now, are you going to stop fighting the entire school for me?" 

 

Jensen scowled.  "They need to be fought.  Fucking-"

 

"So you did learn to swear!" Misha teased, pulling back a little to smile at Jensen.  "Took you long enough." 

 

He laughed, despite not wanting to and looked up at Misha.  "They can't make fun of you, Mish.  If I let them, it's as good as agreeing with them." 

 

Misha nodded and pulled back a little.  "You're right, and I appreciate you speaking up to defend my maidenly honor.  However, you are smarter than this.  You have to wait for them to throw the first punch, remember?" 

 

Jensen huffed and glared at Misha.  "Stop being so logical." 

 

Misha laughed at the grumpy look that Jensen was giving him and reached out to ruffle his hair.  "Well, that fits us, since you're determined to be the brawn to my brains!" 

 

"I want to argue with that," Jensen said, unable to keep from grinning a little bit.  He couldn't remember the last time that he felt so completely at home with someone.  He reached out and looped his fingers in Misha's belt loops, tugging him back in for another hug. 

 

"You want to, but you know that you would lose, so you're not going to," Misha said, laughing.  "Now, come on, I promised that I would talk you down off the scholarship ledge.  You can protest and protect my honor as much as you want, but no more first punches." 

 

Jensen huffed.  "Fine.  Fergus is the only exception to that rule."

 

Misha chuckled again and shook his head.  "Nope, no exceptions.  You can't hit anyone first, and if you do, I'll plant you on your ass so fast that you won't even know what happened." 

 

Jensen squinted at Misha.  "You couldn't plant me on my ass if you tried!" 

 

Misha raised an eyebrow at Jensen.  "Wanna bet?  I'll take you up on that.  If you're serious about fixing these things, come over after school." 

 

"All right," Jensen agreed, raising an eyebrow at Misha.  "I still say that you won't be able to plant me." 

 

Misha just gave Jensen another grin.  "We'll see, won't we?"

 

Jensen nodded and wrapped his arms around Misha, squeezing him tight.  "I don't want to go to class." 

 

"Me neither," Misha said.  "But I'm not about to let you get expelled.  So you're going to drag your ass to class, and then we're going to head to my house after school." 

 

"Your Mom is so mad at me, I bet," Jensen mumbled against Misha's shirt. 

 

Misha chuckled and tugged on Jensen's hair.  "You're right, she absolutely is.  However, I'm sure that you can win her over.  You've always been able to do that in the past!" 

 

Jensen snickered and let his arms drop from around Misha, sniffing a few times, grinning when Misha offered him a tissue from the counselor’s desk.  He blew his nose and stood up, running a hand through his hair.  "I suppose," he said, raising an eyebrow at Misha. 

 

"Come on, lunkhead.  Let's go," Misha said, unlocking and opening the door. 

 

Jensen gave him another smile and nodded at the secretary who raised her eyebrows at the both of them.  He deserved that, but he was going to prove them all wrong.  Mostly because he had who he wanted standing by his side while he did it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting, so here, have two chapters to make up for things! :)


	10. Chapter 10

 

Misha had said that he wanted him to come over after class, but Jensen knew that a more public declaration needed to be made.  So, during lunch, he walked past his usual table to sit next to Misha, where he was sitting on his own in the corner. 

 

"Jen?" Misha asked, blinking up at him. 

 

Jensen put his lunchbox down and turned to look at Misha, grinning at him.  "Yes?" 

 

Misha blinked and tilted his head.  "What...are you doing sitting over here?" 

 

"I'm having lunch," Jensen said, opening his lunch box, pulling out a clementine, starting to peel it. 

 

Misha blinked a few more times and turned back to his own lunch.  "Yes, I can see that, is there any reason that you're having lunch over here?" 

 

Jensen grinned and winked at Misha.  "Nope, no reason at all.  Having lunch with my best friend, that's all." 

 

Misha sighed and stared up at the ceiling.  "Heaven save me from well-intentioned best friends." 

 

Jensen burst out laughing, his head falling back.  "Oh fuck, Mish, I've missed you so damn much." 

 

Misha grinned back at Jensen and definitely didn't stare too long at Jensen's neck and how pretty he looked doing that.  He absolutely did not.  "Well.  If you wanted to have the rumors swirling, this is absolutely one way to do that." 

 

"No, getting the rumors swirling was picking fights without telling anyone why I was picking the fights," Jensen said, winking at Misha again. 

 

Misha snorted.  "Yes, that is also true, and you have no idea how much-"

 

"Oh yes I do," Jensen interrupted.  He smirked a little bit more.  "I know exactly what I'm doing." 

 

"I somehow doubt that, but you need someone to come along and hold your leash, so I guess-"

 

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the lovebirds!" Fergus crowed, stopping in front of the table, looking at Jensen and Misha.  "Ready to start the rumors swirling all over again." 

 

Misha felt his heart drop into his stomach.  If there was one thing that he was afraid of happening, it was Jensen running from him again, despite everything that had happened to him before. 

 

Jensen grinned and stood up, planting both of his hands on the table before he stared at Fergus.  "What rumors?  That I planted you on your ass in less than half a second?" he raised an eyebrow.  "That Misha could do it even faster than me, if needed?" 

 

Fergus' eyes darted to Misha and Jensen smirked, putting down his clementine to go stand in front of Fergus.  He raised an eyebrow.  "What rumors are you talking about?" 

 

"You know exactly what I'm referring to!" Fergus said, backing away a few steps. 

 

Jensen raised an eyebrow.  "I don't know, _Fergus_.  I think I have no idea what you are talking about, since none of us were anything remotely resembling sober that night.  Courtesy of _you_ , I believe." 

 

Fergus sputtered a little bit.  "I-"

 

"That's what I thought," Jensen said, raising an eyebrow at him.  "Now, do you have anything else that you would like to add?  I'd like to finish my lunch, personally." 

 

Fergus scowled and turned around, stalking away from Jensen. 

 

Jensen smiled again and turned to his seat next to Misha.  He grinned and raised an eyebrow.  "How's that for defending your maidenly virtue?" 

 

Misha couldn't help bursting into laughter, nearly falling out of his seat, he was laughing so hard.  "I think that his expression was the most beautiful thing that I have seen in my entire life!" 

 

"Good," Jensen said, winking at Misha as he turned back to going through his lunch.  No one bothered them for the remainder of the period, but he could hear the rest of the cafeteria buzzing with what had happened. 

 

When lunch was over, Jensen knew he wouldn't get to see Misha for the rest of the day and tried to smile at him.  "I'll head over to your house as soon as we finish in the gym." 

 

Misha nodded and stretched.  "I've got track practice, so that works perfect." 

 

Jensen smiled.  "All right, Mish, I'll see you later?" 

 

Misha smiled as Jensen headed off into class. 

 

"Your white knight won't last long.  I'll take him down," Fergus hissed. 

 

Misha turned around and raised an eyebrow.  "I have a feeling, Fergus, that if you even try?  He won't care a single bit." 

 

He headed for his own math class and blinked when his phone buzzed.  Misha pulled it out of his pocket. 

 

Text Received – Sept. 12th 12:37pm

 

_'Do I need to punch Fergus?  I saw him come talk to you after I left.  I'd really like to punch him again.  Once wasn't anywhere near satisfying enough.'_

 

Misha laughed, grinning at the message from Jensen.  He tapped out a response a moment later. 

 

_'No, no punching Fergus.  He's just being an asshole, as per usual.  We'll have to figure out what we want to do to properly horrify him later.'_

 

Text Received – Sept 12th 12:42pm

 

_'Awww, fine.  I suppose I can be satisfied with that.  Talk to you after class, Mish!'_

 

Misha stared at his phone until the next bell rang and couldn't quite wipe the smile off his face.  Not that he wanted to, but he'd missed getting texts from Jensen.  Even stupid ones that just said they'd see each other later.  He took a deep breath and told himself that he needed to be careful, because it would be so easy to fall all over himself again, and that wasn't what Jensen wanted.  Never had been. 

 

~!~

 

Misha stopped in front of his Mom in the kitchen and cleared his throat.  "Mom?" 

 

Rebecca raised her head from the dishes and then turned to look at him properly.  Misha looked happier than he had in months, a small smile on his face.  "Yes?  Is everything all right?"

 

"Yeah," Misha said.  "I uh, Jensen's going to be coming over." 

 

Rebecca raised both of her eyebrows in surprise.  "Jensen?"

 

"Yeah, you know.  _Jensen_.  I uh, just wanted to let you know.  He should be here soon," Misha said.  "I just need to go run and grab a shower first." 

 

"All right," Rebecca said, glancing towards the door.  Misha gave her a quick grin and dashed upstairs.  If that boy broke Misha's heart all over again, they would have words, no matter what Donna said. 

 

Misha showered as quickly as he could, but he knew that he probably wasn't going to be done by the time his Mom had a chance to talk to Jensen. 

 

Jensen damn near sprinted to Misha's house as soon as he finished his work in the gym.  He wasn't going to make Misha sit and wonder if he was going to show up any longer than he absolutely had to.  He shot off a text as well, making sure that Misha knew, without a doubt, that he was going to come over. 

 

He stopped in the doorway of Misha's house and smiled at the sneakers on the porch.  Misha's running shoes, because Misha never brought them inside.  They'd have to go running together sometime.  Jensen raised his hand to knock when the door was opened for him. 

 

Jensen flushed when he realized that Rebecca was standing in front of him.  He closed his eyes for a second and then opened them again, smiling at her.  "Hello, Mrs. Collins." 

 

"Hello Jensen," Rebecca said with a raised eyebrow.  "How are you?" 

 

"I, uh, good," Jensen said, looking down at his feet.  "I owe you an apology." 

 

Rebecca smiled a little.  "You owe my son an apology before you ever even consider giving me one." 

 

"I did," Jensen said, feeling his cheeks heat up.  "I mean, I am, going to apologize.  A hundred times over.  I think I'm at fifteen times or so." 

 

"Good," Rebecca said, holding the door open.  "Make sure you do the other eight-five." 

 

Jensen nodded and stepped past her.  "I, I mean, I'm so sorry-"

 

"Save the apologies for Misha," Rebecca said, gesturing upstairs.  "He's just showering.  Go ahead and wait in his room.  I know you still know where it is." 

 

Jensen smiled and kicked off his shoes, hurrying upstairs.  Misha's room was still nothing but chaos and he couldn't help smiling at the sight of it.  He'd missed this.  He'd missed it so damn much.  There were new things too, stuff that he hadn't seen in years. 

 

Misha's comic book collection had expanded and Jensen laughed, flipping through some of the titles.  Of course they had the same ones.  They used to pool their money together so they could buy more varied titles. 

 

There were trophies, where there hadn't been some before.  Jensen smiled at the sight of them, because Misha definitely deserved those.  He grinned, bright and wide.  Look at Misha becoming a star athlete in his own right!  Jensen was so damn proud of him. 

 

When the door opened behind him, Jensen turned around to say that he wanted to know what each of the trophies was for, and he froze when he realized that Misha had only a towel wrapped around his waist.  He blinked, and definitely didn't stare at the toned legs and chest of his best friend before he managed to meet his eyes again. 

 

Misha rolled his eyes and strode over to his dresser, hip-checking Jensen out of the way.  "Come on, scoot!  Get out of the way, Jen, I need clothes." 

 

Jensen cleared his throat and immediately sat down on the edge of the bed and grinned at Misha.  "You'd walk around naked if you could get away with it." 

 

"Yes, well, Mom frowns at that," Misha said, pulling out a pair of sweatpants, tugging them on under the towel.  He pushed the towel through his hair and hummed, rifling through his dresser for a shirt.  He pulled it out and on, and then grinned at Jensen, hanging the towel up over the back of the door. 

 

Jensen laughed and definitely didn't think about the fact that Misha was wearing nothing under those sweatpants.  He coughed and gestured to the comic books.  "What do you think of the latest Hawkeye comics?  Did you like the re-write?"  It was a safe topic.  A topic that didn't involve bare chests and not nearly enough clothing. 

 

Misha lit up and just like that, they were talking like they had never stopped.  Even Rebecca calling them down for dinner wasn't enough to stop them from grinning at each other like fools.  It felt so damn good to just talk to each other about anything and everything. 

 

Jensen found out that Misha was in Advanced Placement courses this year, but he still hated math so damn much.  He added that he was in a few - English and Math, and offered to help Misha with math.  Just like he always had.  Misha gave him a wide grin and Jensen felt his heart skip a few beats. 

 

Maybe they could figure things out.  Maybe they could. 

 

 _Maybe_...

 

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Eighteen

 

"Have you figured out where you're going to school yet?" Jensen asked, flopping back on his bed in frustration.  He didn't want to think too hard about Misha going to school a thousand miles away, but it might be what ended up happening. 

 

"No," Misha said, picking up one of Jensen's brochures, wrinkling his nose at it. 

 

Jensen snickered and rolled over on his bed.  "What's wrong with Vanderbilt?" 

 

"Snotty," Misha said, looking at it. 

 

Jensen laughed and grinned at Misha.  "You're not wrong.  Not my kind of school, no matter what they want to offer me." 

 

Misha raised an eyebrow at Jensen.  "What did they offer you?"

 

Jensen shrugged.  "Half ride.  Arkansas and Kansas both offered me full rides." 

 

"You're the star athlete of the school, I'm surprised that they didn't offer you a full ride," Misha said, dropping the brochure.  "What about USC?  Or any of the SEC schools?" 

 

Jensen shook his head.  "I like them, of the ones I've visited, but I still haven't found a place that feels like home." 

 

Misha hummed and shrugged.  "It's not like it has to feel like home, you're only going to be there for four years." 

 

Jensen laughed a little bit and gave Misha a shove in the shoulder.  "And if I meet my soulmate there?  Then it had really better feel like home!" 

 

"I suppose," Misha said, staring at Jensen. 

 

"So are you going to keep avoiding my question, or are you going to tell me where you're going to school?" Jensen asked, bumping his shoulder with Misha's.  "You're a major factor in my decision, you know." 

 

Misha blinked.  "I...am?"

 

"Well, yeah.  I'm not going to go to school a thousand miles away from you if I can help it!" Jensen said, grinning up at Misha.  "So you need to hurry up and tell me where you're going to school so I can go there too." 

 

Misha cleared his throat and looked down at the blanket on Jensen's bed.  "I'm not planning to go to school right out of high school." 

 

Jensen sat up in shock and stared at Misha.  "You're... _what_?  What about your plans for world domination?" 

 

Misha laughed a little and looked up at Jensen.  "I can manage those plans just fine without a college degree.  I'm planning to get one, just not yet." 

 

Jensen relaxed a little.  "So what are you planning on doing?"

 

Misha shrugged and stared at Jensen.  "I figured I'd follow you wherever you went to school, and I'd find something I could do around there." 

 

"You'd..." Jensen blinked and smiled.  "You'd come with me?" 

 

"Well, of course," Misha said, grinning at him.  "Someone's going to have to keep you fed, or you'll try to survive on nothing but ramen for four years." 

 

Jensen laughed and fell back on his bed. 

 

Misha gave him a slap on the shoulder.  "Don't you dare laugh, you know that I'm right!" 

 

"I do!" Jensen said, grinning up at Misha.  "That's why I'm laughing so hard.  You want to keep me all fed, that's adorable, Mish!" 

 

Misha huffed.  "You need to be properly fed.  I swear that you are going to have both my mother and your mother sending you care packages!" 

 

"I don't see a problem with this!" Jensen said, grinning up at Misha.  "Hell, you would have been sending me care packages too, and you know it!" 

 

Misha crossed his arms over his chest and grumbled.  "Yes, well, you don't take care of yourself.  You burn water, Jen!" 

 

"I'm well aware of that," Jensen said, closing his eyes as he relaxed.  "But you three will keep me rather well fed, I have no doubts." 

 

Misha slapped Jensen's shoulder and scowled at him.  "You are an asshole." 

 

"Yeah," Jensen agreed.  "But I'm _your_ asshole."  He smirked at the fond and frustrated look Misha gave him. 

 

"There are so, so many places that I could take that joke," Misha threatened, poking Jensen in the shoulder. 

 

Jensen smirked and started snickering.  "Take that joke, huh?" he waggled his eyebrows until Misha dissolved into laughter. 

 

Misha fell down next to Jensen, falling on top of some of the acceptance letters that Jensen had scattered around his bed.  "You want to tell me exactly where you're planning to go, then?"

 

Jensen rolled over onto his stomach and looked at Misha.  "Tell me where to go." 

 

Misha blinked and tilted his head at Jensen.  "Why?" 

 

Jensen shrugged.  "Because I don't care.  You'll be there.  That's close enough to home for me as is." 

 

Misha opened his mouth and tried not to blush.  But Jensen, looking at him, saying stuff like that.  _Fuck_.  "California.  You should go to school in California." 

 

"Okay," Jensen agreed.  "Why?" 

 

Misha cleared his throat.  "Because it's different from where you live currently, so it'll be a good change.  Because it's a massive state and there are so many different places to visit..." 

 

Jensen raised his eyebrow.  "All very valid reasons." 

 

"And," Misha said, glancing up at Jensen.  "I bet I could find a job studying carpentry out there really easy.  There's enough of a population that I could make a living selling homemade pieces." 

 

"I'd buy all of them," Jensen said in a heartbeat. 

 

Misha laughed.  "I'm sure that you would, Jen.  But, I mean, real people need to buy them too.  And that'd be easier in California."

 

"And," Jensen said, grinning bright and wide.  "That means you're going to have an apartment in Cali.  Which means I don't have to live in dorm rooms!" 

 

"Who said you can live with me?" Misha asked, giving Jensen a shove in the shoulder. 

 

"I did!" Jensen said, grinning bright and wide.  "Come on, do you want to try to deal with an asshole roommate?" 

 

Misha scowled, because no, he definitely didn't, but that didn't meant that he was going to let Jensen walk all over him with it.  "No, but who is to say that you wouldn't be an asshole roommate?" 

 

Jensen pouted, turning to face Misha.  "But, but, _Mish_..." 

 

"Don't you Mish me!" Misha said, giving Jensen a push in the shoulder.  "I will only let you live with me if you follow certain rules!" 

 

"Oooh, are we going to do the big piece of paper with the rules, just like we did with camping?" Jensen said with a laugh, sitting up.  "I get to write them, your handwriting is shit!" 

 

Misha scowled at Jensen.  "Just because I don't put effort into my handwriting, because there are more important things..." 

 

Jensen laughed and started gathering up the acceptance letters, tossing them onto his desk.  He kept the one from USC and Stanford on top.  "What if I went to school here in Texas?" 

 

Misha shrugged and settled on the bed again.  "You'd go to school here in Texas and I'd figure things out." 

 

"Uh-huh," Jensen said, grinning at Misha.  "You really want California though, don't you?" 

 

Misha looked up at Jensen and nodded as he settled back down on the bed.  "Yeah, I do." 

 

"Okay then," Jensen said with another yawn.  "Are you staying over or heading back to your place?" 

 

Misha fumbled for his phone and pulled it out.  "I'm comfy.  I'm not moving.  Your Mom overfed us on pizza."

 

Jensen snickered and reached out to ruffle Misha's hair.  "All right.  I don't have spare clothes for you right now I don't think.  If you run home to shower and change in the morning, I'll drive us to school."

 

Misha snorted.  "You just want an excuse to drive the Impala to school." 

 

"Duh," Jensen said, grinning at the thought of his car.  "She's fucking gorgeous Mish, of course I want an excuse to drive her to school." 

 

Misha rolled his eyes again.  "All right, fair enough.  I'll head home in the morning, and then you can drive us to school." 

 

"I'll give you my letterman jacket while I'm at it," Jensen teased.

 

Misha yawned and opened his eyes and squinted at Jensen.  "Your letterman jacket doesn't fit me, remember?  I'm broader in the shoulders than you are." 

 

Jensen scowled.  "Oh yeah." 

 

Misha poked Jensen in the shoulder.  "Stop whining about it.  I can feel you whining about it." 

 

"I didn't say anything about it!" Jensen protested, staring at Misha. 

 

Misha grinned and closed his eyes again.  "No, but I could _feel_ you protesting.  Now go to sleep." 

 

"Misha it's not even midnight," Jensen said, looking over at the clock. 

 

"I'm getting up at six to run home.  I am a growing boy.  I need sleep.  Unless you intend to provide me with coffee tomorrow."

 

Jensen knew exactly how grumpy Misha could get and raised his hands up.  "All right, all right.  I'll let you sleep." 

 

"And don't stare at me while I sleep, that's all creepy," Misha grumbled, yawning and nuzzling into Jensen's pillow. 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed one of his books off of the bed.  "Don't worry, that won't be a problem," he said, yawning a little bit. 

 

Misha smiled and opened an eye to watch Jensen settle his reading glasses on his nose.  He always looked adorable with those glasses.  They were the nice thick rimmed ones that made him look like a bit of a geek, if it weren't for the fact that Jensen was built like a jock. 

 

"You know, if I'm not allowed to stare you at you, you can't stare at me either," Jensen said, turning to look at Misha. 

 

Misha snickered and hid his face in the pillow again.  "I don't know what you're talking about."

 

Jensen snorted and turned back to his book.  "Sure you don't," he said, rolling his eyes. 

 

Misha smiled and yawned a little bit more, settling in properly.  He closed his eyes and relaxed.  Jensen's bed was so comfy and smelled like him. 

 

Jensen stole a glance over to Misha when he gave a small snore and stared at him.  Misha always looked so much younger when he was sleeping and now was no exception.  He looked down at the sleeves covering Misha's shoulder and considered lifting the shirt. 

 

He and Misha had never talked about things.  Not after that one initial argument.  He'd wanted to, but Jensen knew that there was no way to bring it up without talking about what had happened when he and Misha had stopped talking.  He didn't want to bring up those memories unless he absolutely had to. 

 

So it was better for them to stay silent, at least for now.  Jensen read until his eyes were burning and then settled into his bed, yawning as he flipped off the light.  The sound of Misha breathing in the room was comforting and Jensen let himself be lulled into falling asleep. 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

Misha woke up and knew immediately that he should have gone home the night before.  Jensen's arm was wrapped around his waist, nice and comfortably, and Jensen's nose was pressed to the back of his neck.  Misha looked down and swallowed hard.  Well, there were certain parts of him that were far more excited about this than others. 

 

He slowly squeezed himself out of Jensen's hold and turned to look at the sight of Jensen face down on the bed.  Misha bit down on his lip and told his dick to calm the hell down.  He pushed his fingers through his hair and groaned a little bit.  Running with a hard on was not something that he had ever wanted to try.  Not _ever_.  Ah well.  There was a first time for everything. 

 

Misha slipped out of Jensen's room and was glad when he didn't run into Donna.  He snuck out and headed over to his house.  His Mom gave him a knowing look and he blushed, immediately hurrying up the stairs.  "Nothing happened!" he called. 

 

"Uh-huh," Rebecca said back.  "I'll believe that never," she teased and winked at Misha when he scowled. 

 

Misha let himself into the shower and stripped off his clothes, stepping into the hot spray with an appreciative groan.  Exactly what he had needed.  And now that he had a chance to think about Jensen without someone realizing it...

 

He glanced out and made sure that he had shut the door and closed his eyes, imagining Jensen on the bed again.  That tempting curve of his lower back, the way his shirts clung to his shoulders...the way his sweatpants molded perfectly to his butt.

 

Misha groaned and wrapped a hand around his dick, giving himself a slow squeeze.  Fuck, Jensen didn't even know how tempting he was.  All soft and ruffled in sleep like that.  He could just imagine crawling back into bed, into Jensen's arms, kissing him awake, soft and gentle, maybe grinding against him a little. 

 

Misha started to stroke himself a little faster.  He bit down on his lip and imagined Jensen waking up with a small gasp into their kiss.  Then Jensen pinning him down to the bed, rocking his hips against his... 

 

The fantasy sped up after that, and Misha bit down on his lip a little bit harder as he got close.  Fuck, maybe Jensen would manhandle him a little bit, tear his sweats off and then his own and then they could, they could...

 

Misha grunted, coming in hard spurts against the wall of his shower and panted, leaning against the wall.  _Fuck_.  Now that he knew what Jensen looked like all sleepy and soft, he was going to be jerking off to that image for years. 

 

Which was probably better than jerking off to him that one time he had walked into the room wearing only a towel, and imaging Jensen ripping off the towel and tumbling him to the bed.  Misha grinned and cleaned off the shower wall, rushing through the rest of his shower.  Or maybe he could just imagine both.  No harm in a little fantasy after all. 

 

~!~

 

Jensen opened his eyes after he heard Misha close the door behind him.  He waited, holding his breath until he heard the front door shut as well and stuffed his hand down his pants, wrapping it around his aching cock.  _Fuck_. 

 

Waking up with the scent of Misha surrounding him, his arm around Misha's waist and Misha's butt pressed into his hips.  Jensen was positive that he had never been more turned on in his _life_.  Even now, he could still remember what Misha felt like, curled up in his arms.

 

Jensen bit down on his lip and stroked himself faster, rocking his hips up and into every touch, imagining what it would be like to wake Misha up like this, giving a slow grind into him, kissing Misha when he opened his eyes and gasped.  He pressed his face into Misha's pillow and groaned, because fuck, Misha smelled so _good_...

 

Jensen teased his thumb across the tip of his cock and shuddered, completely lost in his fantasy.  Maybe Misha would pin him down and kiss him, that teasing grin on his face.  His eyes would be dark blue.  Dark blue and beautiful and Jensen would kiss him until his lips weren't chapped anymore. 

 

Misha would smirk at him, and raise an eyebrow and then slither down his body and, "Fuck!" Jensen swore, coming hard and making a mess of his sweatpants.  He sank back on the bed and pressed his face to the pillow, smiling at the scent of Misha again.  Fuck he was so screwed.

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Twenty

 

Jensen groaned and put down another box.  "Misha, why the hell am I carrying all of the heavy boxes?" 

 

"It's not my fault that you have more shit than you know what to do with!" Misha called, grinning at Jensen.  "Besides, I'm doing the furniture, so you get to move the boxes!"

 

"That's because you built the damn furniture!" Jensen protested, sinking down on top of another box, breathing hard. 

 

"Jen, we're moving into a proper two bedroom apartment!" Misha said, giving him a punch in the shoulder.  "Quit bitching.  _Honestly_." 

 

Jensen grinned up at Misha.  "Yeah, no more freshman on campus shithole.  It's fantastic.  You going to think about taking classes this year?" 

 

Misha shrugged.  "Maybe second semester.  We're really busy right now, and I've gotten good enough to work on my own.  So I'm making good money." 

 

"Whatever works for you, Mish.  As long as I get grilled cheese sandwiches during finals," Jensen said, giving Misha a wink. 

 

Misha rolled his eyes and went back to the car to grab something else out of Jensen's trunk.  "And yes, then I get to listen to you bitch about the five pounds that you are going to gain from those grilled cheeses," he grumbled. 

 

Jensen laughed and grabbed another box, grunting under the weight.  "Hey, man, it's not my fault that your food is delicious.  You could go to culinary school and put them all to shame." 

 

"That's not a bad idea," Misha said, grinning at Jensen.  "Then I can make you eat vegetables by hiding them in other stuff!"

 

Jensen scowled.  "No, that's just being _mean_." 

 

Misha laughed and tipped his head back to look at the sun above him.  "Where the hell is Jared?  He's supposed to be helping us!"

 

"Right here!" Jared called, jogging up.  "Sorry, I had to finish working on a paper for Professor Morgan.  I forgot it wasn't due next week, so I had to bust it out today." 

 

"Excellent!" Jensen said, pushing the heavy box into Jared's arms.  "Since the workhorse is here, you take the heavy box!" 

 

Jared snorted and started to walk up to the apartment.  "Love you too, Jen!" 

 

"Hey, you love me the most!" Misha called, grinning when Jared looked over his shoulder and winked. 

 

"Absolutely!" Jared said, heading into the apartment. 

 

Jensen leaned over and started grabbing a few of the smaller boxes that they had stashed in his car while Misha organized the chairs and furniture.  "Misha how did we end up with so much shit?" 

 

"You're a pack rat and I'm building furniture!" Misha said, grinning at Jensen.  "You used to leave half of your shit in my room for a reason, remember?" 

 

"Less bickering, more carrying!" Jared called, walking back out towards the two of them.  "Come on, I know you're paying me with pizza and beer, but I'm not doing this all by myself!" 

 

"I've carried in like thirty boxes already!"  Jensen said. 

 

Misha rolled his eyes and grinned at Jared.  "More like ten boxes.  Come on, you're on furniture duty with me, Jensen's cleaning out the cars for us." 

 

Jensen huffed and picked up his box of records, carrying it into the living room, grinning when Jared and Misha came in with the couch behind him.  "Just because I don't want to carry the furniture with you-"

 

"I am insulted forever," Misha deadpanned, motioning with his head for where he wanted the couch. 

 

"Right," Jensen said with a laugh, exhaling and looking around.  At least once they got everything into the house they only had to worry about unpacking.  "Mish, which bedroom is mine again?" he called. 

 

Misha stopped in the doorway and looked at Jensen.  "Jen, I swear-"

 

Jensen held up his hands, laughing.  "I'm just kidding, Mish, chill.  I know which one is yours, you've got that ridiculously ornate bed in yours." 

 

"That _bed_ ," Misha said, straightening his shoulders with a grin.  "Is built with a guarantee to survive any bedroom gymnastics that may take place on it!"

 

Jared perked up as he walked into the house, carrying two chairs.  "Is that a challenge, Misha?" 

 

Misha laughed and rolled his eyes.  "Not for you!" 

 

Jared pouted and put the chairs down in the kitchen.  "Aw.  Pity.  Supposedly the bed is big enough to fit even me." 

 

Jensen scowled and turned back for the doorway, walking out to his car.  It definitely wasn't because of Jared flirting with Misha and saying that he wanted to try to break the bed in with him.  _Nope_.  Not at all. 

 

He picked up a box of Misha's trophies that were mixed in with his and grinned.  Yeah, these were going in the living room where they could both be absolutely embarrassed over them.  _Perfect_.  "Hey, Mish, did you mean to bring all of your old track trophies with you?" 

 

Jared lit up, immediately coming over to investigate.  "You have track trophies, Misha?  You never told me that!  Let me see, Jensen!" 

 

Jensen laughed and winked when he caught sight of Misha's scowl.  Two could play at that game.  And well, Misha needed to be teased by someone other than him.  "He sure did!  Won a whole slew of trophies and was even captain his senior year!" 

 

"Jensen!" Misha said, scowling.  "I was co-captain, and-"

 

"And," Jensen continued, grinning at Jared as he picked up the trophies.  "Misha set at least two state records." 

 

Misha groaned and covered his face with his hands.  "Yeah, because you pissed me off right before a race and I had to run off the frustration." 

 

Jensen smirked and winked at Jared.  "It was the single best tactic I have ever used.  Of course, he didn't talk to me for a week after." 

 

"Two days," Misha said, walking over to punch Jensen in the shoulder.  "No exaggerating." 

 

Jared stared at Jensen with wide eyes and laughed.  "What the hell did you do to piss him off?" 

 

Jensen cleared his throat and looked over at Misha.  " _Well_ ," he began. 

 

"No!" Misha said, tackling Jensen to the couch.  "You are not telling him about the glitter bombing.  The day _long_ glitter bombing!!" 

 

"Well now you have to tell me," Jared said, watching as Misha and Jensen wrestled on the couch. 

 

Jensen laughed and tossed Misha off of him, running his fingers through his hair.  "Everything he had, I glitter bombed.  He was so angry at me, I've never seen him run that fast.  I told him it was worth it when he crossed the finish line with the state record." 

 

"That makes it sound so _nice_ , like he did me a favor!" Misha growled, glaring at Jensen.  "No!  You do not understand the hell he put me through!" 

 

Jensen cackled and danced around the back of the couch.  "Oh, god, I have so many pictures of your grumpy face..." 

 

"I'm going to need to see those pictures," Jared said, laughing when Jensen ducked behind him. 

 

" _No_ , no, he rigged my _shower_ with glitter, Jared!  My _shower_.  I turned it on and stepped in and the water was nothing but _glitter_." 

 

Jared started laughing harder, bending over a little bit.  "He did?" 

 

"Yes," Jensen said, grinning as he hid behind another stack of boxes.  "Oh, and I put glitter in between the pages of his notebooks so whenever he opened them..."

 

"A _shower_ of glitter would fall into my lap!  And confetti!  As if the glitter wasn't bad enough!!" Misha growled. 

 

Jared was laughing so hard that his sides were starting to hurt.  "Fuck, did you do anything else?" 

 

Jensen gave an unrepentant grin.  "Yeah, I rigged his locker so when he opened it, he got another shower of glitter." 

 

"I was so _angry_ ," Misha said, his face red as he stared at Jensen.  "I just stood there, for a good two minutes, while this one," he pointed to Jensen.  "Laughed so hard he nearly fell over."

 

Jensen snickered.  "Oh, and then there were the shoes." 

 

Misha sighed and looked up at Jared.  "He glitter bombed my track shoes.  I left a trail of glitter while I ran." 

 

Jared fell back onto the couch, trying to breathe through the laughter.  "Oh my god..." 

 

"And, _and_ ," Misha said, stopping in front of Jared, glowering at Jensen from across the room.  "As if all of this wasn't _enough_ ," Misha started. 

 

Jared looked over at Jensen.  "What the hell _else_ did you do?"

 

Misha crossed his arms over his chest.  "He stands just past the finish line, waiting for me!  And then, when I walk up to him, he just says-"

 

"See, I took your mind off being nervous, _and_ you just set a state record," Jensen said, grinning widely at Misha. 

 

That set Jared off all over again.  "You didn't?!" 

 

"Oh, I _did_ ," Jensen said, smirking at Misha.  "Like I said.  He was so angry at me, he didn't talk to me for two days." 

 

"We've been out of high school for two years, and people still _talk_ about that, Jensen!" Misha shouted. 

 

Jensen smirked at Jared.  "It was a good prank." 

 

Jared looked over at Jensen and raised an eyebrow.  "Dang.  Remind me to not get into prank wars with you.  Misha plays to win, but you're..."

 

"I'm better at pranking than he is!" Misha protested.  "He just, had a really good day!" 

 

Jensen grinned, bright and wide at Misha, falling onto the couch.  "I did.  That was by far my best prank.  _Ever_.  You will likely never top it."

 

Misha glared at Jensen and then sat down on the couch between both he and Jared, trying to catch his breath.  "I'll figure out a way to do it.  I'll figure out a way." 

 

Jensen gave Misha a pat on the thigh and grinned at him.  "Do or do not.  There is no try." He ducked under the swing from Misha and headed back out to the car to bring in more boxes. 

 

"I'm going to kill him," Misha said, looking over at Jared. 

 

Jared grinned, bright and wide.  "Either that, or you're going to pin him to a wall and you're going to have the best hate sex ever."

 

Misha groaned and covered his face with his hands.  "Have I mentioned that I hate you?" 

 

"Yup!" Jared said, giving Misha's thigh a slap.  "Now come on, I know that you have more shit to bring in, and you have promised to feed me!" 

 

Misha laughed and pushed himself up and off the couch to help Jensen finish bringing the rest of the things in. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - Mentions of past self-harm in this chapter.

 

Jensen got Jared safely bundled into the cab and gave his address, grinning a little bit at the goofy wave Jared gave him as he left.  He climbed the steps and flopped down onto the couch.  At least most of the stuff was unpacked.  Most of it. 

 

"Is Jared on his way home safely?" Misha asked, yawning a bit as he fell onto the couch next to Jensen, offering him another beer. 

 

"I'm so glad that you're three months older than me and can buy beer," Jensen said, saluting Misha with the drink before taking a long sip.  "At least we got everything in.  And sorted." 

 

Misha chuckled and yawned, settling back against the couch, putting his feet up on an empty box.  "Yeah, and now you get to spend the rest of the week unpacking it before classes start." 

 

Jensen groaned.  "I don't even want to think about it.  I really don't." 

 

"Yeah," Misha agreed, taking another sip of his beer.  "At least you're drunk?" 

 

Jensen chuckled and took another long drag of the beer.  "Not yet, but I'm definitely getting there." 

 

"Let me know if you want me to break out the good stuff," Misha said, grinning at Jensen. 

 

Jensen considered that for a long moment and looked at Misha.  He grinned.  "Well, we need to christen the new apartment appropriately, don't we?" 

 

Misha snorted and finished off the last of his beer.  He thought of another way that he could be christening the new apartment, but it was better not to think about that.  "You're right," he agreed, levering himself up.  "And it's not like we have to get up tomorrow."

 

Jensen laughed and settled back against the couch.  "Are you bringing the bottle?" 

 

"Heathen!  I am getting us glasses!" Misha said.  "With...fuck, we didn't put the ice trays in yet." 

 

Jensen laughed harder when Misha walked back with the bottle of whiskey, a frustrated look on his face.  "See, you're going to be a heathen with me." 

 

Misha sighed and opened the bottle, taking a sip of it.  He hummed happily and then offered it to Jensen.  "You can shut the hell up, or I am going to take my liquor and you can't have any." 

 

"You wouldn't dare hold back on me, Mish," Jensen said, grinning and taking a swig.  He closed his eyes and grinned.  "Man.  When was the last time we drank together, Misha?" 

 

Misha knew the answer to that immediately, but it was better for them not to think about.  "It's been a while.  Graduation, maybe?"

 

Jensen took another sip and then handed the bottle back to Misha.  "I'm glad you decided to get an apartment with me." 

 

"What makes you say that?  We've been planning that since you decided to come out here," Misha said, looking over at Jensen.

 

"Yeah," Jensen said with a shrug.  "But that doesn't mean that you had to move in with me.  You did.  You're awesome.  Thank you." 

 

Misha swallowed hard and looked at Jensen for a long, long moment.  "I think you're a little bit too drunk for your own good."

 

"Yes, probably," Jensen agreed, clearing his throat.  He watched Misha drink out of the bottle again and took it back.  "Oh well.  You already know what I'm like drunk." 

 

"Yes, you turn into a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity," Misha said with a giggle. 

 

Jensen scowled and watched as Misha started snickering.  "Did you, did you just Buzz Lightyear me?" 

 

"Maybe," Misha said, taking the bottle back from Jensen.  He took another swig, swallowing messily before he sat back against his arm of the couch, resting both of his feet in Jensen's lap.  "You know you love it." 

 

"Fucker," Jensen said, reaching for the bottle that Misha was holding out of reach now.  It was too much effort to try and get it from him, so he gave up and settled back against the seat.  "Why do I like you again?"

 

"Because I feed you," Misha said with certainty, grinning.  "Damn well too, if your freshman twenty are any indication." 

 

"I worked that off!" Jensen said, pouting at Misha. 

 

Misha poked Jensen in the belly with his foot.  "Not fast enough for me not to tease you about it." 

 

Jensen huffed and debated tickling Misha's feet.  He _could_.  But then Misha might spill the booze and he didn't want that to happen.  He held out his hand and grinned when Misha offered him the bottle. 

 

Several messy swallows later, he put the bottle on the coffee table and looked up at the ceiling.  "We're going to need to paint this room." 

 

Misha groaned and opened his eyes to look at the ceiling.  "We are both absolutely exhausted and you bring up painting?  What is wrong with you?  Are you _human_?" 

 

Jensen laughed and slapped at Misha's leg.  "Yes, yes, I'm plenty human.  I was just thinking that this color is rather shit!  And that I really, really want it to be a different color." 

 

"Oh yeah?" Misha asked, reaching out to grab the bottle.  It tipped precariously before he could grab it, but he got ahold of the neck and brought it up to his lips again.  "Like what?" 

 

Jensen looked over at Misha and at the way his eyes seemed to be even brighter than usual.  Bright sapphire blue and a little fuzzy.  "Blue.  Definitely blue." 

 

"You and blue," Misha said with a roll of his eyes.  "It's been your favorite color since you were six and you decided that you hated red." 

 

Jensen chuckled.  "I could say the same about you and green.  That, what do you call it?  What's the shade of green that Charlie came up with in eighth grade?" 

 

"Fanfiction Green," Misha said, grinning.  "The color of your eyes, remember?" 

 

"Oh god, that's right, fuck, I forgot that's where she got the color from!" Jensen said, dissolving into laughter. 

 

"I can't blame her Jen, you've got some dreamy eyes," Misha teased, winking at Jensen. 

 

Jensen scowled and stared up at the ceiling.  "Anyways.  _Blue_.  This room." 

 

"What shade of blue?" Misha asked.  "There's only about ten thousand of them."  He poked Jensen with his foot again.  "Robin's Egg blue?  Baby boy blue?  Cerulean?  Royal blue? Ocean blue?  Sky blue?  Light Blue?  Navy?" 

 

"What are you, a painter?" Jensen asked, glaring over at Misha.  He knew the answer, but didn't at the same time, because Misha's eyes could be any of those colors depending on the moment. 

 

Misha snickered.  "I've had to stain my fair share of wood.  Though, never anything in blue," he said. 

 

Jensen rolled his eyes again.  "Right.  Blue.  We'll go find a shade when we both feel like moving in some way." 

 

Misha nodded and shifted so he could drink more of the bottle.  He frowned.  There was more of this gone than he expected. 

 

Jensen relaxed and leaned back into the couch, trading the bottle back and forth with Misha for what seemed like a really long time. 

 

Jensen looked over at Misha and then at the bottle that was now more than halfway empty.  Jensen liked the small half smile that he had on his face.  "Hey Mish?" he asked his voice quiet. 

 

"Yeah?" Misha drawled, forcing himself to turn his head to look over at Jensen.  "Sup?" 

 

"Will you tell me about the scars now?" Jensen asked, reaching out to gently massage Misha's calf.  He knew how sore Misha would get running all of the time and that he liked massages more than he would ever admit to. 

 

Misha sighed and put the bottle on the table.  "That's terrible drinking conversation, Jen." 

 

"But you won't tell me about it sober," Jensen said, working his way up Misha's calf and then to his knee. 

 

"For good reason.  It's over and done with," Misha grumbled and then groaned, shifting and arching into Jensen's hands.  "What do you want to know?" 

 

"How they happened?  I know it was my...my fault.  But I want to know," Jensen said, eyeing Misha. 

 

Misha sighed again and pushed his fingers through his hair.  "I don't want to make you angry, or upset, Jen.  It's over and done with now.  I haven't done anything in years now." 

 

"Tell me," Jensen said, working Misha's other leg. 

 

"I was so upset," Misha said, opening his eyes to look up at the ceiling.  "I knew you, you hated me for," he swallowed.  "For whatever reasons you had." 

 

Jensen swallowed and looked at Misha.  He kept himself quiet, because this was Misha's story to tell. 

 

"It was worse because everyone at school couldn't stop talking about it.  When," Misha swallowed and coughed a little bit.  "I've been reading up on it.  Now that I don't do it anymore.  You're looking for something.  Anything, to release that just build up of emotional pressure." 

 

Jensen bit down on his lip, hard.  "And that's what it was?" 

 

Misha nodded.  "Yeah." 

 

Jensen stared at Misha for a long time.  "Will you show me the ones on your arms?" 

 

Misha turned to look at Jensen.  "Why?" 

 

"Because I want to see them," Jensen said.  "They're a part of you.  I want to see them, Mish." 

 

"Okay," Misha mumbled, struggling with his shirt.  "Ones on my legs are worse, anyways." 

 

Jensen flinched, but he moved closer as Misha stripped his shirt off.  The last time he had seen Misha without a shirt, he'd forgotten to look at them.  He was too distracted by Misha being pretty much naked. 

 

"Nothing horrible," Misha said, looking at his shoulder, running his fingers over the thin scars.  "You wouldn't know what they were, now.  They've faded over the past few years.  They’re just proof that I’m not strong." 

 

Jensen reached up and slowly stroked his fingers over the scars.  He could only imagine what the ones on Misha's thighs looked like.  But Misha was right.  They weren't as bad as he had once thought, but they were there.

 

Misha smiled.  "See?" 

 

Jensen pressed his forehead to the scars and took a hard, deep breath.  "You’re the strongest person I know.  Don’t say that.  Please don’t say that Misha,” he whispered.  “I'm so sorry." 

 

Misha blinked and looked at Jensen.  "You're sorry?  For what?" 

 

Jensen wrapped his arms around Misha.  "I'm so sorry I wasn't _there_.  I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me to be."  He shifted a little bit and wrapped Misha up in his arms.  "I should have been, Mish." 

 

Misha closed his eyes and pressed his face to Jensen's collarbone, melting into him.  "You're forgiven, Jen," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Jensen. 

 

Jensen hiccupped, a small noise escaping him.  "Mish, I mean, I can't, you can't just-" 

 

"Hey," Misha interrupted, his voice quiet.  "Jen, I forgive you.  It's okay.  You were an ass.  Sometimes teenagers are assholes.  We all know that." 

 

Jensen tightened his arms around Misha.  "Well, I'm done being an asshole." 

 

"I'm glad to hear that," Misha said, smiling as he closed his eyes and cuddled into Jensen.  He yawned.  "Are you comfy?"

 

Jensen yawned as well and sagged back into the couch cushions.  "Yeah, I'm definitely comfy." 

 

"Okay good," Misha said.  "Because I am not going to be moving."

 

Jensen chuckled and relaxed back into the couch, reaching up to tangle his fingers into Misha's hair, rubbing at his scalp enough to make him fully relax.  "According to you I'm an excellent pillow, so I am fine with that." 

 

Misha made an agreeing sound against his chest and Jensen leaned back against the couch, his eyes falling shut.  "Night, Mish."

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Age Twenty-One

 

"And this lazy ass, who clearly hasn't showered today is Jensen, my roommate," Misha said, holding the door open. 

 

Jensen looked up and over the back of the couch.  "Misha, you don't need to introduce-" he blinked at the woman standing next to Misha.  "Uh, apparently I lied."  He watched her laugh, throwing her head back and he looked over at Misha. 

 

"Jen," Misha said with a smirk.  "This is Vicki." 

 

"Hi," Vicki said, waggling her fingers.  "I've heard a lot about you, Jensen." 

 

Jensen blinked again and stared at Misha.  "This is payback for the pineapple pizza, isn't it?" 

 

Misha's grin widened into a smirk.  "It might be, yes." 

 

Jensen groaned.  "It's nice to meet you Vicki, and I'm sorry you're being used in this manner." 

 

Vicki laughed.  "Oh, I was happy to be a part of the revenge, don't you worry!" 

 

"Jensen, Vicki and I are gonna be in my room," Misha said, taking Vicki's hand and tugging on her.  "Come on, we've bothered him enough." 

 

Jensen peeked up over the couch as Misha and Vicki headed down the hallway.  He frowned when he saw Vicki grab Misha's butt and squeeze.  But there was no protest.  No nothing. 

 

He climbed off the couch and headed into the bathroom, rubbing at his hair.  He had no idea what the hell Misha was doing, bringing someone from his study group back to the house, but it was his room, so in theory he could do whatever the hell he wanted. 

 

Jensen turned the shower on and stepped into the hot spray, relaxing.  He could still hear Misha's voice teasing him about not taking a shower yet and scowled, scrubbing himself properly.  He didn't bother shaving.  He was starting to like how he looked with a little bit of scruff on his face. 

 

Later, after Vicki had gone home, Jensen was watching Misha cook them both dinner.  He couldn't look away from the purple mark that _had_ to be a hickey on the back of Misha's neck.  But, Misha didn't really date people.  Except, that had to be a hickey. 

 

"So, Vicki?" he asked, watching Misha still in his stirring. 

 

"Yeah?" Misha said, looking over his shoulder.  "Do you like her?"

 

Jensen smiled a little.  "I was just about to ask you that question.  She the one who gave you the hickey on the back of your neck?" He kept his voice bland, fighting the possessive surge that was shouting that he should be the one making those marks, not Vicki. 

 

Misha rubbed the back of his neck a little shyly.  "She got a little overenthusiastic." 

 

Jensen raised both eyebrows at Misha and stared at him.  "What does that mean?" 

 

Misha laughed.  "It means that is one of many and we discovered I have a bit of a marking kink." 

 

Jensen bit down on his lip until he tasted blood to keep from growling.  "A _marking_ kink?"

 

"Yeah," Misha said, winking.  "Or are you too vanilla for that, Jen?  Should I save your innocent ears?" 

 

Jensen scowled and rolled his eyes.  "No, I just want to know when you turned kinky." 

 

"I've always been kinky.  Straight as a bendy straw, remember?" he teased. 

 

Jensen snorted.  "I don't see what being queer has to do with being kinky.  I'm sure there are plenty of vanilla not-straight people." 

 

Misha laughed and started stirring the pot again.  "Well, you are right there.  Let's just say I've done a lot more reading than you apparently have." 

 

"I wasn't aware that sex required a manual," Jensen said, raising an eyebrow at Misha.

 

"Of course it does.  Especially if you want to do anything kinky and don't want to end in a mess for you and your partner," Misha said, pulling the spoon out to taste, giving a pleased hum. 

 

Jensen fought down the deeper, darker surge of jealousy.  "And you're all-knowing, are you?" 

 

"Nah," Misha said, turning to face Jensen.  "But I do know some of what I like."  He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.  "Let me know if you want tips and pointers." 

 

Jensen barked out a laugh.  "I think I'd save those for Vicki if she's going to give you more of those," he said, pointing to the hickey again. 

 

Misha rubbed the back of his neck again.  "Like I said, she got enthusiastic." 

 

"So you're dating?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Yes," Misha said.  "Why?" 

 

Jensen shrugged.  "No reason.  You've just never dated anyone as long as I've known you.  But hey, college is the time to try new things." 

 

Misha opened his mouth for a moment and then snapped it shut.  "Yes, yes it is." 

 

Jensen smiled and stood up, going over to bump Misha's shoulder with his.  "Hey, man, if she makes you happy, she has my seal of approval."

 

Misha smiled at Jensen and leaned into the bump from him.  "Thanks, Jen." 

 

Jensen reached up and ruffled Misha's hair.  "Don't ever have to thank me for something like that, Mish." 

 

~!~

 

Jensen liked Vicki.  He _did_.  She and Misha had been dating for almost six months.  Neither of them cared about the fact that soulmate marks hadn't appeared for them, and Vicki started appearing at their apartment more and more regularly. 

 

If she had been dating anyone else, Jensen was positive that he would have liked her.  He would have.  She was nice, funny, had a damn good sense of humor and didn't take anything too seriously.  She could cook just as well as Misha, and she wasn't afraid to snap back at him any time he got overly sarcastic. 

 

In short, they were perfect for each other and he hated it.  Jensen did his best to make sure neither of them knew how much he didn't like her.  Because he _did_ like her.  He just, didn't like her when she was dating Misha, and it was getting to be a problem.  Especially if she ended up moving in with the both of them. 

 

Jensen knew that Misha wasn't far away from suggesting it and every time he did, he made sure to change the subject to something else, _anything_ else. 

 

A burst of laughter from the living room made Jensen tighten his hand around the bottle of beer he was holding.  And that was the other thing.  _Jared_.  Jared seemed to be vying for title of best friend and didn't seem to give a flying fuck that he was the one who already earned the title.  He'd been with Misha since he was five years old, except for a six month stint in the middle! 

 

"Hey Jen, can you bring one of Jared's gross beers?" Misha called, kicking at Jared.  "No, no, they are gross, we both agree!" 

 

Jensen took a slow, deep breath and brought Misha and Jared their beers.  "Here you guys go." 

 

"Where are you going?" Jared asked, watching as Jensen walked away.  "Aren't we going to watch a movie?" 

 

Jensen shook his head.  "Nah, I have a Chem test that I need to study for." 

 

Misha frowned and looked over the back of the couch.  "No you don't, your test isn't til next week." 

 

"Well," Jensen said, not wanting to think about how Misha knew his test schedule off the top of his head.  "I just have homework that needs to be done.  You two enjoy the movie." 

 

"Jen!" Misha called, scowling when he heard the door shut a moment later. 

 

Jared gave Misha a sympathetic pat.  "I'm sorry.  Should I go?" 

 

"No," Misha said, grabbing the remote.  "If he wants to pout like a five year old, that's fine!" 

 

"Hey," Jared said, his voice soft.  "Don't worry." 

 

Misha clenched his eyes shut.  "Easier for you to say." 

 

"You're right," Jared said, looking down at the initials on his forearm.  "You're very much right, Misha.  But he'll figure things out." 

 

"I don't," Misha swallowed hard, thinking of Vicki and how she had greeted him with a sad smile and a raven over her heart last week.  She'd found her soulmate.  Almost entirely by accident, and of course, they were perfect for each other.  He looked up at the ceiling.  "I don't know how much longer I can wait, Jared." 

 

Jared gave a small smile and wrapped Misha up in his arms, giving him a tight hug.  "I know.  But you and I both know that you're going to wait as long as it takes, because he's it for you.  Everyone who sees you both knows that." 

 

Misha's face fell and he sighed.  "I just wish that _he_ would." 

 

Jared nodded and hugged Misha again.  "I know.  I know you do.  He'll get his head out of his ass." 

 

"Hopefully soon," Misha grumbled, cuddling into Jared's arms.  The guy might have a soulmate (and Richard gave Jensen a run for his money in sometimes being an asshole), but he still gave the best hugs and cuddles.  Second only to Jensen. 

 

"Agreed," Jared said. 

 

~!~

 

"I fucking hate this!" Misha growled.  "There was a reason I didn't go to school right out of college, and I still fucking hate it," he said, throwing his pen at his book in frustration. 

 

Jared smiled and kicked Misha's foot.  "What are you having problems with?" 

 

Jensen eyed the both of them, sitting down at the other end of the table and turned back to his anatomy textbook.  He sighed and went back to memorizing.  Not like Misha ever wanted his help with his schoolwork anyways.  It was always Jared who was the best at helping him understand things. 

 

Misha huffed and relaxed into Jared as he helped him figure out the twisted math problem.  He'd never gotten the hang of math, and Jared was very good at it.  He glanced up at Jensen.  So was Jensen, but it wasn't like Jensen offered him help with math anymore. 

 

"See?" Jared said, watching Misha walk through the rest of a problem.  "Not nearly as dumb as you thought you were, huh?"

 

Misha laughed and shook his head.  "No, I'm dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to math and everyone sitting at this table knows it." 

 

"You are not!" Jared protested, frowning at Misha.  "And I won't let you say things like that about yourself!" 

 

Jensen scowled.  There was a time when it was his job to say those sorts of things to Misha.  That he would make Misha smile and make sure that no one talked that way to him.  It'd been his job for years and years. 

 

He blew out a hard breath and shook himself.  Not anymore though.  Misha had found someone who was better at it anyways.  Jensen looked at his anatomy textbook and went back to reciting quietly, step by step. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

"Thanks for the ride home, Jared!" Misha called, waving from the front door. 

 

Jensen sighed and looked up at the ceiling.  So much for wanting to come home and watch movies with Misha.  He'd been out with Jared all afternoon, and then they had decided to go out and have even more fun at a karaoke party.  Misha had tried to invite him, but the last thing he had wanted to do was intrude on Jared and Misha having fun with _their_ friends. 

 

"Jen?  You here?" Misha called.  He kicked off his shoes and giggled a little as he stumbled towards the living room.  He felt buzzed and happy and he wanted to curl up with Jensen and never move.  Not _ever_. 

 

"Yeah," Jensen said, finishing off his beer.  He didn't look at how many bottles there were on the table.  He lurched to his feet and swallowed hard.  Misha definitely deserved all of the friends in his life, because he hadn't had enough in high school. 

 

High school had been an asshole to Misha, and now, here he was, finding so many friends and his own social circle far and away from Jensen.  It was only fair, he supposed, that Misha was leaving him behind.  After all, he'd pulled that shit on Misha while he was in high school.  Jared had replaced him in everything else, so maybe Misha would want to move in with him next semester instead. 

 

"There you are!" Misha said, grinning at Jensen.  "Wait until I tell you about what songs Jared sang at karaoke, and I have _video_ , Jen, I'm going to hold it over him forever, it's beautiful."

 

Jensen forced a smile onto his face and stared at Misha, at the way he was so lit up and happy.  There had been a time when Misha looked at him like that, but it seemed so damn long ago.  "Yeah?" he croaked.  "What song?" 

 

"Baby Got Back!" Misha said with a laugh.  "Jared's got a pretty decent ass, but with that song, let me tell you, he shook it for all it was worth and it was _incredible_!" 

 

The sick feeling in Jensen's stomach got so much worse and it was getting so hard for him to breathe.  "Maybe you should just man up and tell Jared he's your soulmate already," he said, grabbing for a beer bottle that was empty.  He scowled at it when he realized that there was nothing left. 

 

Jensen glanced up at Misha, at the shock on his face.  He forced a small smile to his face.  "I, he's so good for you, Mish.  I can tell.  You smile so much when he's around.  Can't remember the last time you smiled so much." 

 

Misha said nothing and Jensen squirmed, because he could feel those eyes on him.  Misha had never lost a staring contest in his life and he could feel the weight of his gaze right now. 

 

The fact that he couldn't even make himself look at Misha told Jensen he probably should have been sober before attempting this, but, he'd started.  "I, I'm happy for you, Mish," he managed, his voice catching.  He wanted Misha to be happy with _him_ and that had never been more true than this moment.

 

Misha still hadn't moved, hadn't said a word and Jensen knew that this was a mistake.  He shouldn't have said anything. 

 

But he'd lost Misha so long ago now.  He'd never even had a chance to try to have him, because he'd had his head up his ass.  Jensen clenched his eyes shut and cleared his throat again.  "I, I mean.  You'll probably want to have him move in here.  Share that big bed of yours."  The sick feeling got even worse.  "I'll, I'll find somewhere else to live next semester.  So he can move in."

 

Jensen took a deep breath and told himself he had to look at Misha.  He couldn't keep hiding from his gaze like a coward.  He froze, watching as Misha's face contorted in anger, sliding into calm fury a moment later.  Misha was so beautiful when he was angry.

 

"You, _you_..." Misha snarled, stomping closer to Jensen.  He ripped the beer bottle away from Jensen, slammed it down on the table and punched Jensen as hard as he could in the jaw.

 

Jensen stumbled back, nearly falling to the couch as Misha moved again, this time hitting him on the shoulder before grabbing at his shirt.  "Misha, what the-"

 

" ** _Shut up!_** " Misha roared.  “Shut up, _shut up_ , shut the fuck up, Jensen!” 

 

Jensen wasn’t sure, but he was pretty positive that Misha was crying, because his eyes looked wet and he was shaking with anger.  He swallowed and knew that if Misha wanted to hit him again, that he deserved it.  All of it. 

 

Misha grabbed Jensen by the collar and shoved him down on the couch, straddling him in one easy move. 

 

Jensen shivered, because Misha was on top of him, and he was still breathing hard, like he had just run a whole marathon.  “Misha-”

 

“No!” Misha growled, blinking hard as he grabbed Jensen’s chin, forcing his eyes up.  “Fucking _look at me_!” 

 

Misha was crying, and he was so angry that he was shaking.  Jensen wanted to wrap his arms around Misha and never let him go, because he was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. 

 

“How dare you!” Misha shouted, punching Jensen in the shoulder again, waiting for his eyes to focus on him.  “How fucking _dare_ you, Jensen!  How could you suggest anyone else could be my soulmate?  How fucking could you?!” 

 

Jared blinked slowly, staring at Misha, watching as he slumped in his lap and the hands on his shirt tightened, pressing him back against the couch again.  Misha’s had his head tipped down enough so his hair was hiding his face, but his shoulders were shaking. 

 

“Don’t you…” Misha whispered, shaking Jensen again.  “Don’t you _know_?  How can you not _know_?”

 

Jensen bit down on his lip, staring at Misha, at the way the anger fell off his face and melted into, into something even worse.  Misha looked _sad_.  Misha looked sad, like he had back in high school when he was alone.  Jensen couldn’t look away, because Misha was never supposed to look like that again.

 

Misha sighed and let go of Jensen’s shirt, turning to look at the bottles of beer on the table behind him.  He stood up and picked them up slowly, bringing them to the kitchen.  “Sleep it off, Jensen,” he ordered, dropping the bottles in the sink.  He walked to his room and shut the door behind him, sinking against it.  Misha bit down on his lip to keep the sob from escaping.  He curled up tight and hid his face in his arms. 

 

Jensen scowled and leaned back against the couch, his mind reeling.  _‘Don’t you **know**?  How can you not **know**?’  _ Misha’s voice was just as loud as it had been minutes ago when he’d asked the question.  The _anguish_ , the hurt in his voice was painful to remember.  It reminded him too much of when Misha had once told him that he wasn’t allowed to care anymore.  The ache in his chest settled even deeper and Jensen frowned at the ceiling. 

 

 _‘How could you suggest anyone else could be my soulmate?!’_ Jensen sighed and closed his eyes, but he couldn’t get the image of Misha in tears out of his mind.  He swallowed hard and reached into his pocket for his phone.  There were eight text messages that he’d locked for the past six years, so he’d never forget them.  He’d saved them and sent them to every new phone he’d ever gotten.  How had he managed to hurt Misha again?  He only wanted him to be happy, even if wasn’t with _him_.  Jared would be, would be _good_ for Misha.  Not as good as him, but…

 

He’d lost Misha a long time ago.  He _knew_ that.  Jensen dozed off to the image of Misha’s tear-filled eyes, his heart aching enough that he didn’t want to move. 

 

~!~

 

Jensen woke up to the smell of coffee.  He blinked himself awake and huffed when he realized he’d fallen asleep on the couch.  _Again_.  Fuck, he hadn’t done that in months.  He sat up a little bit and realized Misha was sitting across from him in their armchair.  He straightened his back immediately and stared at Misha.  His eyes were red rimmed and he looked pale and sad.  His heart broke looking at him.  “Mish?  Are you going to punch me again?”

 

Misha shook his head.  “Drink your coffee.”

 

Jensen picked up the cup and blew on it for a moment before sipping at it.  Misha wasn’t saying anything.  He was just sitting across from him in the chair.  He swallowed a few more gulps down and stood up.  “I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” 

 

Misha only nodded at him and Jensen walked to the bathroom, brushing his teeth as well once he got there.  He sighed and stared at himself in the mirror.  He closed his eyes.  _‘How can you not **know**?!’_

 

Jensen shook his head to dispel the image of Misha from last night and made himself walk back out to sit in his spot on the couch.  He picked up the coffee and downed the rest of it, putting the cup on the table before he looked up at Misha and raised his eyebrows.  Misha hadn’t moved from where he had been sitting before and he was sitting unnaturally still. 

 

“I’m moving out,” Misha said, staring down at the coffee cup in front of him.  “I’ll be out within a week.” 

 

Jensen froze, his whole body going numb in the space of a second.  “Wh-what?” 

 

“Now that you know, I won’t make you live with me,” Misha added, holding onto his coffee cup a little tighter. 

 

Jensen dropped his eyes to Misha’s hands and saw that they were shaking.  Misha wasn’t nearly as calm as he was trying to fake himself being.  His mind was spinning though and he couldn’t make it stop.  Misha?  _Leave_?  “I, what?  Leave?”

 

“Yes,” Misha said, tightening his hands on the cup.  “I have to.” 

 

Jensen was reeling and he stared at Misha, at the way he was barely holding himself together.  There was a more important question.  One that he had to have an answer for.  “How long have you known?”  Misha had known, Misha had known, how _long_ had he known? 

 

Misha didn’t bother answering.  He stood up and brought his cup to the kitchen.  The answer didn’t matter anymore.  He could see it like it was yesterday.  Five year old Jensen pulling a bully off him, getting into a fistfight, shouting that the bullies needed to leave him alone. 

 

“Misha!” Jensen snapped, looking over the back of the couch.  “Answer me!  How long have you _known_?” 

 

Misha shook his head, his hands clenched into fists.  He had to get to his room.  He couldn’t break down here.  He couldn’t, not where Jensen could see and mock him for it. 

 

Jensen was up and off the couch in a heartbeat, grabbing onto Misha’s shoulder, yanking him around to face him in the hallway next to their bedrooms.  “Misha!” he growled.  “Tell me how long you have known!” 

 

Misha raised his chin and stared at Jensen, praying that his voice would stay steady.  “No.  You won’t like the answer.  It’s better if you don’t know.” 

 

Jensen took a deep breath and clenched his hands into fists.  “I’ll decide what answers I like and don’t! Tell me!  When did you know we were soulmates?”  He took a step closer and could see how Misha was trembling, shaking the smallest amount.  Jensen wanted to wrap Misha in his arms and never let him go. 

 

“When we were five years old.  When you rescued me from the playground,” Misha whispered. 

 

Jensen’s breath caught and he froze. 

 

“I went home, told my Mom that I’d met my soulmate and I wanted to have him over to play the next day.”

 

Jensen saw the tear fall slowly down Misha’s cheek and stared, watching as Misha blinked faster, trying to prevent more tears.  He felt as though he were watching his entire childhood go by again in slow motion.  How many times had he talked about finding their soulmates?  Either at school, or college, or somewhere else?  How many times had he talked about it and Misha had _known_ , had looked at him and never said a single thing?  “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

 

Misha chuckled, wiping away more tears that were starting to fall now, faster than before.  “Call me old fashioned,” he whispered.  “But I wanted my soulmate to find me too.” 

 

Jensen felt the punch of those words, straight to his heart, and it hurt more than any hit or tackle he had ever taken.  A few hours ago, he’d suggested that Misha’s soulmate could be Jared, and here Misha had been waiting, waiting for _him_.  “Mish…”

 

“It’s okay,” Misha croaked, looking up at Jensen.  He reached out and squeezed Jensen’s arm before dropping his hand back down to his side.  “It’s okay.  I _promise_.  I promise it’s okay.   I’ve known…” he choked and took a small breath.  “I’ve known since we were sixteen, and the whole mess happened that we weren’t...that we weren’t meant to be.” 

 

Jensen sucked in a painful breath.  Misha was crying harder now.  “Misha-”

 

“I want,” Misha whispered, and raised his eyes up to meet Jensen’s.  He blinked hard until the tears were gone.  He forced a smile.  “I want you to be _happy_ , Jen.  That is all I have ever wanted.  I want you to be the happiest you possibly can be.  Even if,” Misha paused and managed to get the last few words out.  “Even if it’s not with _me_.” 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chapter due to the delay in posting due to, you know, life!

 

Misha turned away from him and Jensen knew, without a doubt in his mind, that if he let Misha go now it was _forever_.  He reached out and grabbed Misha’s hand, squeezing it so tightly he was sure that he was hurting Misha, but he couldn’t let go.  Not now.  Misha had stopped and was standing with his back to him.  Jensen took a deep breath and held on.  He wasn’t going to let go. 

 

“I was scared,” Jensen whispered, clenching his eyes shut.  He felt Misha shift and maybe Misha looking at him, and maybe he wasn’t.  “When we were sixteen.  When you confessed.  When you told me we could make the rumors real,” he said.  “I was so scared, so _scared_ of what was going to happen, if I let myself want you back.  And I did.  So _badly_ , Mish.  You were so brave and I...I wasn’t.”

 

Misha couldn’t stop staring at Jensen.  “You…” 

 

Jensen gave a hoarse laugh, wiping at his eyes even as he clung to Misha’s hand.  “And then, of course, I fucking abandon you when you need me the most.  Leave you to the wolves, because I,” he choked on a sob and stopped trying not to cry.  Fuck, he’d left his soulmate like that, and Misha had known the entire time.  Misha’s text message of _‘Please don’t hate me’_ hurt even more now. 

 

Misha stepped closer and Jensen just held on tighter to his hand, because if he let go, he’d lose Misha forever.  “I thought, I thought maybe after the fights, something, something might happen,” Jensen whispered.  “But it didn’t, and you moved on, and I, I had to try to do that too,” he whispered. 

 

Misha sighed.  “Dammit, Jen, I already wasted my punch on you and now I want to punch you again!”

 

Jensen blinked at Misha in confusion, trying to wipe away his tears away.  “Wh-wh-” he started, only to have Misha try to pull his hand away from his.  Jensen flailed a little and grabbed for Misha again, only to gasp when Misha shoved him against the wall next to his bedroom door.  He stared at Misha, and Misha was leaning into his space, and fuck, Misha’s eyes were so blue and bright and Jensen wanted to see them this close forever. 

 

“ _You_ ,” Misha growled, shaking Jensen’s shoulders.  “Are the stupidest soulmate on the face of the fucking planet!  And you are going to spend the rest of your life making it up to me!”

 

Jensen stared, his heart pounding as Misha leaned in closer to him.  He nodded and swallowed hard.  Then Misha was kissing him and Jensen closed his eyes, grabbing at Misha’s waist to pull him in closer.  Fuck, Misha had gotten much better than when they were sixteen.  Or even twelve. 

 

Misha pulled back when they both needed to breathe and stared at Jensen, hard.  Then he pulled back, and tugged on Jensen.  “My bedroom, now,” he growled. 

 

He stumbled into the bedroom and nearly fell back onto the bed.  Misha was striding towards him and Jensen realized that he could _touch_.  Jensen grabbed Misha by the hips and yanked him closer, pulling him into another kiss.  He dug his fingers into Misha’s waist and tugged him between his legs. 

 

Misha smiled into the kiss.  “There’s my possessive bastard.” 

 

Jensen laughed a little and rolled Misha onto the bed, crawling on top of him.  Misha was still smiling at him, so Jensen kissed him, hard and desperate until Misha was gasping underneath him.  Misha was more gorgeous than he had ever imagined him being.  Now he just had to make sure Misha would never leave.  He pressed Misha into the bedspread and groaned into his lips, kissing him harder and wetter, just like he had imagined doing in every single dream he had ever had of Misha. 

 

Misha groaned and pulled back for air, looking up at Jensen, reaching up to comb through his hair.  “It’s okay Jen, it’s okay, I’m here,” he whispered, tugging him in closer. 

 

Jensen stared down at Misha and swallowed hard, leaning down to kiss him again, this time softer.  He could remember, it was so easy to remember Misha hating him, hating for leaving, what he had done to him once.  What would happen when-

 

"Jen," Misha called, giving Jensen a harder tug to the hair.  "Focus for me here.  It's _okay_.  I promise that we're going to be okay." 

 

Jensen swallowed and nodded.  "I can't lose you, Mish." 

 

Misha smiled and wiggled under Jensen.  "You aren’t going to lose me.  Now, come on.  Let's seal the deal, shall we?" he waggled his eyebrows. 

 

Jensen burst out laughing despite himself and leaned down to kiss Misha.  "I love you." 

 

Misha stared up at Jensen and flipped them over in a quick moment, pinning him down to the bed.  "God, Jen, please-" 

 

"I know," Jensen interrupted, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Misha's hair, pulling him in for another kiss.  "I love you, Mish.  Fucking ruined me for anyone else since I was five years old." 

 

Misha giggled into Jensen's lips and melted into the kiss.  He could have stayed here forever, but dammit, he definitely wanted to get things moving.  "Okay, since I'm the only one who knows what they are doing, I am going to be on top the first time." 

 

Jensen was pretty sure he should be more nervous, but he couldn't deny the bolt of excitement that shot through him at the prospect.  "Uh, right."

 

"Don't worry," Misha said, pulling back to look down Jensen's body, licking his lips.  "We'll practice some and I'm more than fine taking turns.  But I'm driving tonight." 

 

Jensen grinned and leaned up to suck on Misha's neck.  "As long as I can participate, actively," he said, running his hands down Misha's sides to give his ass a slow squeeze. 

 

"I would be very disappointed if you didn't," Misha said, his face serious before he grinned, bright and wide.  "Gonna ruin you for any type of sex you have ever had in your life, I guarantee it." 

 

Jensen laughed and kissed Misha again.  "That sounds like a fantastic plan, so why don't we hurry up and get a move on already." 

 

"We'd need to be naked for that," Misha quipped, lifting himself up and off of Jensen to climb off of the bed.  He stripped off his boxers and his t-shirt a moment later.  "Come on Jen, lose the sweatpants already." 

 

Jensen was going to listen.  He _was_.  But he got a little distracted staring at Misha as he stripped and then stood next to the bed.  He swallowed hard and gave Misha an appraising glance before raising an eyebrow at him. 

 

Misha laughed and climbed onto the bed.  "Yes, it's going to fit, and it's going to feel fucking awesome, I promise." 

 

"Right," Jensen said, stripping off his shirt.  That was easy.  He'd been shirtless in front of Misha dozens of times over the past few years.  Neither one of them really bothered with shirts during the summer anyways. 

 

"Nervous?" Misha asked, scooting closer to Jensen, stretching out next to him.  He reached down and trailed his fingers along the waistband of Jensen's sweatpants.  "It's going to be awesome, Jen." 

 

"Yeah, I know," Jensen said, looking up at Misha.  "But sue me, yeah, I'm a little nervous.  I want this to be good.  I don't..." he trailed off and stared at Misha. 

 

Misha knew what he was thinking, just like he always did.  Jensen gasped when Misha straddled him and stared down at him, his eyes hard.  "Mish-"

 

"No, listen to me," Misha said, growling.  "I don't care if it's not perfect."  He pressed a finger to Jensen's lips before he could protest.  "Don't even try.  I don't want it to be perfect.  I just want it to be us, Jen.  That's all I want.  Everything else?" Misha's smirk turned filthy.  "Well, we'll just have to practice." 

 

Jensen laughed and nipped at the pad of Misha's finger.  "Well, then, I guess that you had better get those pants off me so we can hurry up and get started." 

 

Misha shifted so he was sitting on Jensen's thighs and smirked, leaning down to press a kiss to his heart.  "Yeah, let me take my time a little bit here.  I've been dreaming about this for a long-ass time." 

 

Jensen stretched and put both of his arms behind his head.  "Well, I am yours, so go ahead and take a tour, if you want to." 

 

Misha laughed.  "I just might take you up on that." 

 

Jensen raised his eyebrows and looked down.  "Have at it!" 

 

Misha looked down at Jensen and hummed, dropping his hands to Jensen’s belly, leaning down to kiss his sternum again, gentle and soft. 

 

Jensen shivered as Misha slowly slid his lips up his skin to his neck.  He tilted his head back, dropping his hands from behind his head.  "Mmm, yeah." 

 

Misha smiled against Jensen's skin, pausing at his collarbone, sucking and nibbling at the skin until a purple mark was left blooming.  He grinned at it and then sucked another into Jensen's skin, right after. 

 

"Marking me up, huh?" Jensen asked, reaching to comb his fingers through Misha's hair, messing it up even more than it normally was, unable to keep from grinning at the sight.  He'd always loved messing up Misha's hair. 

 

Misha paused as he kissed up Jensen's neck and pressed another kiss to his jaw.  "Yeah.  You have a problem with that?" 

 

Jensen considered it for a second and shook his head.  "Nope, mark away!  I'll give you your fair share, don't you worry," he added.  He wasn't prepared for Misha to pull back and stare at him, his pupils blown wide.  Jensen shivered under the look and tightened his hold on Misha.  "Mish?"

 

" _Please_ ," Misha whispered, his voice coming out as a small whine.  "Want your mark on me.  Want everyone to know that I'm yours and you're _mine_." 

 

Jensen's eyes widened in understanding.  He tugged on Misha's hair and pulled him into another kiss, making this one slow and deep.  "We'll save that for round two, because I don't think that I'll be able to survive you marking me and then marking you." 

 

Misha gave him a grin and kissed him until Jensen was gasping for air, his sweats tenting obscenely.  "Jesus, Misha." 

 

"I've gotten better, haven't I?" Misha asked lightly, shifting so he could press another kiss to Jensen's ear, teasing his tongue against the shell.  "Wait til you see what else I've gotten good at.  I'm sure that some parts of your anatomy will appreciate my talents more than others." 

 

Jensen laughed, wrapping both of his arms around Misha, pulling him tight against his chest.  "Misha, did you just imply in a roundabout way that you're going to impress me with a blowjob?" 

 

Misha paused and pulled back to grin at Jensen.  "Yes?  Do you have a problem with that?" 

 

"Hell no," Jensen said, grinning widely.  "I'll have to practice my skills on you.  I have a feeling that you're going to be more than willing to help me there." 

 

"Oh yes," Misha agreed, turning his attention to Jensen's neck.  "Should I tell you about all of the times I've jerked off, imagining you in my bed like this?" 

 

Jensen groaned, his eyes slamming shut as he tilted his head back for Misha again.  His imagination was already running wild.  "Fuck, I'm not sure that I'd survive you telling me those ideas." 

 

"Well," Misha started.  "I am going to tell you anyways," he said, kissing down Jensen's neck and to a nipple, sucking it into his mouth, just to hear Jensen cry out and arch underneath him.  He repeated the same touches to the other nipple and pulled back, admiring his handiwork for a minute.  "Hmm.  Yes, you need another here." 

 

"Fuck," Jensen swore as Misha leaned down and started to suck another hickey right next to one of his nipples.  "Thought I was the possessive bastard..." he mumbled. 

 

Misha giggled against Jensen's skin and kissed at his abdomen, shifting so he could sit lower on Jensen's legs.  "You are.  You're _my_ possessive bastard.  Where do you think I get it from?" 

 

"Glad to see that something from me rubbed off on you," Jensen mumbled and then groaned when he realized what he had said. 

 

Misha laughed.  "I hope that you are going to be rubbing a lot of things off on me in the near future." 

 

"Fucking set you up for that," Jensen said, opening his eyes to glare at Misha. 

 

"Yes, yes you did," Misha agreed, kissing lower and sucking another mark near Jensen's belly button, glancing down at the wet patch he could see forming on Jensen's sweatpants.  "Eager?" 

 

Jensen glared at Misha.  "Oh, screw you, like you aren't as eager." 

 

Misha grinned and winked at Jensen.  "Oh yes, I am.  But I've learned to be patient.  Something you clearly haven't yet."  He hooked his fingers in the band of Jensen's sweatpants and looked up at him.  "You good to lose these?" 

 

Jensen's mouth went a little dry, and he nodded.  "Yeah, Mish." 

 

Misha paused and stared at Jensen, narrowing his eyes.  "You're not saying that because you think I want to hear it, are you?" 

 

Jensen shook his head.  "No.  No, I'm definitely not.  I just, I'm nervous," he said, shrugging his shoulders a little bit. 

 

Misha's gaze immediately softened and he shifted, leaning up to kiss Jensen again.  "It's okay.  We don't have to-" 

 

"Misha," Jensen growled, sucking hard on Misha's lower lip.  "I said I was nervous, I didn't say I wanted to stop.  Now come on.  Help me get over the nervousness, would you?" 

 

Misha pressed a finger to his lower lip and grinned at Jensen.  "Possessive fucker.  All right, fine." 

 

Jensen gasped as Misha reached down and grabbed the hem of his sweatpants, yanking them down and off his body, making him shiver.  "Jesus, Mish." 

 

"Hey, you're the one who told me to help you stop being nervous, see, you're naked and you didn't even realize it!" Misha said, leaning down to nuzzle at Jensen's treasure trail.  "I have a feeling you might have just remembered though." 

 

Jensen shivered and bit down on his lower lip.  "Yeah, might have, but I suppose I'll just have to get over it." 

 

Misha grinned against Jensen's skin and kissed at it.  "I should tell you about my fantasies.  That'll distract you.  Do you know what my favorite body part of yours is?" 

 

"My ass?" Jensen asked, shuddering when Misha pressed a kiss to his hipbone. 

 

"Your ass is a thing of beauty, like the rest of you.  But behind your eyes, it's definitely your hipbones," Misha said, pressing another kiss to them before sucking the skin into his mouth, leaving a large mark. 

 

"Hipbones?" Jensen asked, sitting up a little bit to look at Misha properly.  "Of all of the things to pick to like about me..."

 

"They are the world's best tease," Misha said.  "I swear, when we would hang out and just sit around shirtless in the summer?  I would have so much trouble looking away from them.  Your pants would start to ride low and I would just...they were there.  _God_.  I want to kiss them, because I could never look away from them." 

 

Jensen groaned and couldn't stop his hips from rocking up, wanting more from Misha.  "Fuck..." 

 

Misha hummed against Jensen's skin and looked up at him.  "I fantasized about doing so many things to you, Jensen.  Like I said, your ass is a thing of beauty, but god.  I dreamed of kissing you before I even knew what sex was." 

 

Jensen choked out another moan and stared down at Misha, reaching out to comb his fingers through Misha's hair again.  "Fuck, Misha, come on, we're supposed to be doing sexy things here..." 

 

Misha chuckled.  "That's right, sorry, I'll save the waxing romantic for later.  So, instead, how about I tell you how, back before I started running, I used to picture you pinning me to a wall and fucking me against it." 

 

"Jesus christ Misha, talk about pulling a one-eighty..." Jensen said, huffing out a laugh. 

 

"Oh shut up," Misha grumbled, biting down on the skin just above Jensen's erection.  "Unless you don't want me to blow you, because we could skip straight to the main event..."

 

"Misha..." Jensen said, narrowing his eyes. 

 

"Going going!" Misha teased, shifting so he could kiss the tip of Jensen's dick.  "I'm just admiring the merchandise.  It's very pretty." 

 

Jensen laughed and groaned, covering his face with his hands.  "Seriously, Misha, you're going to talk about how pretty my dick is?"

 

"Well," Misha said.  "It's worth talking about, what can I say?" 

 

"Mish- _ohhh_ ," Jensen groaned, long and low, when Misha sucked the tip of his dick into his mouth, tongue teasing along the slit. 

 

Misha would have smirked at being able to shut Jensen up like that, but he was a little preoccupied.  He did have to make sure that Jensen was ruined for anyone else after this.  Misha focused on licking away the small flashes of precome he could taste, groaning around Jensen as he swallowed more, bobbing his head slowly. 

 

Jensen gasped, lifting his head just enough so he could stare at Misha, squirming with the effort of keeping his hips pinned to the damn bed.  He sucked in a hard breath and tried to breath through Misha sucking him down like a fucking hoover.  "Fuck, Misha, you're going to kill me." 

 

Misha pulled his mouth off and rubbed his jaw for a moment, grinning up at Jensen.  "Only little deaths." 

 

"Horrible," Jensen grumbled, reaching into the bedside table and fumbling around for a minute before he pulled out condoms and lube, tossing them at Misha. 

 

Misha raised an eyebrow.  "You want to use condoms?" he asked, looking down at Jensen's spit-slick dick.  "Bit late for that?" 

 

Jensen swallowed and he stared at Misha.  Misha was his soulmate, he wasn't going to be sleeping with anyone else ever again, so, no condoms sounded awesome.  He grabbed the condoms and tossed them on the floor, grinning.  "I'm assuming you still want the lubricant though." 

 

Misha grinned back and got back to work, sucking Jensen down as far as he could, wrapping his hand around Jensen's erection to steady him while he worked on bobbing his head. 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Jensen swore again and slammed his eyes shut.  If he kept watching Misha like that he was going to come, and he didn't want to come yet.  "Fuck, Misha, slow down or the show will be over early." 

 

Misha hummed and pulled off, slowly licking his way down Jensen's length, inhaling the scent of him with a groan.  He pressed a hand to his erection and looked up at Jensen.  "Why, you afraid you can't get it up again, old man?" 

 

Jensen opened his eyes to glare at Misha.  "Old man, fuck you, Mish." 

 

Misha giggled and flipped open the cap to the lubricant, pouring some into his hand.  "All right, all right, we'll get this on the road.  But trust me, you're going to want me to keep blowing you while I do this.  It'll keep you relaxed." 

 

"Misha," Jensen said, spreading his legs wide enough to let Misha settle between them.  "I'm new to the whole anal sex thing, but I'm not innocent here." 

 

"You were asking me if it was going to fit earlier!" Misha said, laughing. 

 

"Well, I mean," Jensen stumbled.  "You're big!" 

 

Misha smirked.  "Why thank you." 

 

Jensen groaned and stared at the ceiling.  "Why do I love you again?"

 

"Because of my wit, stunning sense of humor and, apparently, ginormous dick," Misha quipped, rubbing his fingertip easily over Jensen's hole, watching him squirm. 

 

"Right," Jensen groaned, his thighs shaking as Misha started to press one finger into him.  He sucked in a breath and held it, waiting for the burn to subside. 

 

Misha looked up at Jensen and pressed a kiss to his hipbone, holding his finger still.  "Jen, breathe.  It's okay.  Breathe through it, and push out.  It'll help." 

 

Jensen nodded and took a few deep breaths, glad when Misha didn't try to push in further.  "I mentioned being new at this?" 

 

Misha smiled and nuzzled Jensen's skin.  "I know.  It's okay, I'm going to take it nice and easy with you.  We'll save the angry make-up fucking after you've got some experience under your belt." 

 

"I'll make good on that wall sex, don't worry," Jensen promised, gasping when Misha's finger slid a little deeper.  The hurt was starting to fade and he could see why people maybe liked this.  He just felt full. 

 

"I have no doubt that you will," Misha said, grinning at Jensen.  "You feeling okay?  I'm going to try moving my finger." 

 

Jensen nodded, not sure what moving meant, when Misha pulled his finger out and pressed it back in, fucking him slowly with it.  "Holy shit," he wheezed, trying to spread his legs more. 

 

"I think he likes it," Misha drawled, slowly teasing Jensen with a second finger, setting a slow rhythm for him.  The second finger went in much easier than the first and he pressed sucking kisses to Jensen's erection, working him open slowly with two fingers. 

 

Jensen huffed out a laugh.  "Fuck you Mish." 

 

"Nah, I thought it was fuck _you_ ," Misha said, pressing his fingers in and curling them just enough to slide over Jensen's prostate.  Jensen bucked under him, groaning loudly, and Misha smirked.  "How 'bout them apples?" 

 

"Holy shit, holy shit," Jensen panted, sitting up a little so he could stare at Misha.  "Do that again?" 

 

"With pleasure," Misha said, slowly and gently sliding his fingers over the spot inside Jensen that he could feel.  "Though, it's really your pleasure, isn't it?" 

 

Jensen managed to laugh, but it dissolved into a groan only a few seconds later as Misha started to fuck him with both of his fingers in earnest.  He bit down on his lower lip and clenched his hands into the sheets, trying to keep from moving. 

 

"Jen," Misha called, pausing his hand.  "This isn't like a blowjob.  You can move.  Fuck my hand, even, if you want." 

 

Jensen shuddered and rocked his hips down, his whole body shaking a little bit as he did.  "Oh fuck, oh god, Misha, _please_..." He clenched his eyes shut, and he could already feel their soulmate bond strengthening.  It was easier to feel Misha now, but it was only strong emotions, and the combination of lust and love coming at him from Misha had him thrashing. 

 

"You're so gorgeous," Misha whispered, adding a third finger, rocking it slowly into Jensen, stretching him, careful to take his time to make sure Jensen would feel as little pain as possible.  "I wish there were words, Jen, to describe how gorgeous you are like this.  But there aren't." 

 

Jensen groaned and covered his face, unable to look at Misha after a comment like that.  "You fucker," he growled, and he could feel Misha laughing and nuzzling at his hip again.  "Can you hurry the hell up?" 

 

"Demanding," Misha purred, licking Jensen's cock slowly from base to tip, raising his eyebrows at Jensen.  "We're getting there.  I'm not going to hurt you, and making sure I don't takes a little bit of time.  Be patient." 

 

"I've been patient!" Jensen said, arching a little off the bed as Misha's fingers hit that spot inside him.  "Fuck, fuck, don't want to come until you're inside me," he growled. 

 

Misha paused and groaned, long and low against Jensen's skin.  "Jen, you can't say shit like that, I'm already not going to last the second I get inside you." 

 

Jensen managed a small laugh and glared at Misha.  "Well, at least that makes two of us, so hurry the fuck up!" 

 

Misha glared at Jensen, but obliged, slowly sliding his fingers out of him, grabbing the lubricant again, squirting enough on his palm so he could stroke himself.  He gasped the second he touched his own erection and damn, he really wasn't going to last long at all, fuck. 

 

"Fuck, I should have said that I wanted to do that," Jensen grumbled, watching Misha stroke himself, his touches easy and teasing.  He squirmed a little, shifting his hips on the bed and glared at Misha.  "Come on, hurry up already.  Want you in me.  Want to feel you." 

 

"Far be it for me to deny you," Misha said, pulling his hand away with effort, moving to be back in close to Jensen again.  He took a deep breath and got himself into position and looked up at Jensen.  "I'll go slow, just keep breathing and push out like before, okay?" 

 

Jensen nodded and reached out for Misha, glad when long fingers immediately tangled with his.  He relaxed and took a deep breath, groaning as Misha started to push in.  It didn't hurt, not really, but it was uncomfortable.  "Nnngh, wait, _wait_." 

 

Misha froze and stared down at Jensen, breathing hard, his heart stopping.  "You okay?" he asked, running his free hand along Jensen's thigh. 

 

"Y-yeah," Jensen managed, taking a deep breath.  "Just need a second."

 

"Okay," Misha said, shuddering.  He took a deep breath and focused on Jensen, watching as he relaxed slowly for a minute, then two, giving him a nod.  He slid in deeper, and this time Jensen remained relaxed enough that he was in all of the way without stopping again.  "Holy shit, Jen.  Gonna kill me," Misha said, taking a deep breath, trying to regain some control. 

 

"Speak for yourself, I've got a baseball bat of a dick shoved up my ass," Jensen grumbled, looking up at Misha.  He reached up and hooked an arm around Misha's neck, pulling him down and into a kiss. 

 

Misha groaned and leaned into the kiss, trying to keep himself still so he didn't hurt Jensen.  "I'm going to remind you that you called my dick a baseball bat," he whispered against Jensen's lips, smiling at him.  He could feel Jensen even more now, the soulmate bond sliding into place, allowing them to feel each other with ease.  Jensen was uncomfortable, but he wasn't in pain. 

 

Jensen smiled and kissed Misha again without responding.  He didn't know how long they kissed for, but he was pretty sure that he wanted Misha to move now.  "Go ahead," He whispered. 

 

Misha nodded and kissed Jensen on the nose, just to see his face wrinkle up.  "You got it.  You're in charge, so if you need me to stop or something, just say the word." 

 

"Misha," Jensen growled.  "I swear to god, if you do not fucking move-"

 

Misha shut Jensen up by sliding slowly out of him, then rocking back in, letting him feel the full effect of the slide.  "No problem," he said, repeating the motion, watching as Jensen gasped and arched, his back leaving the bed. 

 

Jensen's fingers scrambled in the sheets for a few seconds before grabbing at Misha's shoulders.  The soulmate bond was falling into place now, piece by piece and he could feel Misha, feel how much he was wanted.  How much he was loved.  "Misha..." 

 

Misha shook his head and kissed Jensen, soft and slow, leaning into the kiss with him.  He rocked, in and out of Jensen, slow and careful.  "Just like this," he whispered.  "Let me learn to love you, just like this." 

 

Jensen nodded into the kiss and melted into Misha again, tightening his hold on Misha's shoulders, trying to focus on everything he was feeling all at once.  "So good, fuck, so good," he murmured, kissing and sucking at Misha's neck, licking up the small beads of sweat there. 

 

"Fuck," Misha swore, speeding up his thrusts a little, moving at a steady pace, watching Jensen flex and shift and moan under him.  "Not gonna last, Jen.  Love you." 

 

Jensen whined and rocked his hips back into the next thrust from Misha, the change in angle enough to have him screaming.  He gasped, his whole body arching as Misha hit his prostate again and again, and it was going to be over before they really got started.  "Mish, Misha, please," he begged. 

 

Misha shifted his hands to Jensen's hips, tugging him down and into the next thrust, watching as Jensen arched and shouted again.  The last pieces of the bond were falling into place now and he could feel everything.  He stretched a little and kissed Jensen.  "I'll take care of you," he promised, shifting so he could plant his knees a little better and rock up and into each of the touches from Jensen.  "Take such good care of you, Jen, I promise." 

 

Jensen held on to Misha's shoulders, the fully-formed soulmate bond causing him to be swamped in a mixture of his own emotions and Misha's, each of them feeding off of how good they felt together like this.  He wasn't going to last long, everything already felt too good, and he felt the rush of heat that indicated the soulmate mark forming.  "Mish-"

 

"I got you," Misha promised, kissing Jensen's neck and jaw, up to his lips.  He shifted again, just enough to free a hand so he could wrap it around Jensen's erection, stroking him hard and fast, eager to have them both lose it together. 

 

He wasn't expecting to feel the moment that Jensen came, shouting his name, arching off the bed again, but he did.  Misha tried to hold on to some measure of control, but the tidal wave of pleasure, completion and _heat_ that accompanied a marking had him coming only seconds after Jensen.  They were both shaking and he opened his eyes, looking down at Jensen with a smile. 

 

Misha was careful as he pulled out and slumped down next to Jensen.  He grinned into the pillow and turned his head to look at Jensen.  "Good?" he managed, his voice hoarse. 

 

Jensen giggled and opened one eye to look at Misha.  " _Damn_ good.  Not moving." 

 

Misha hummed in agreement and let the last of the waves of pleasure flowing through the bond wash over him.  He could feel Jensen, and it was even better than he had imagined it would be. 

 

Jensen yawned and looked over at Misha.  He raised an eyebrow.  "Did you really tell me you loved me for the first time during sex?" 

 

Misha blinked and thought back to what he had said.  "Apparently, yes."

 

Jensen grinned.  "You aren't living that down." 

 

Misha snorted and closed his eyes.  "Fine, mister sixteen years." 

 

Jensen kissed Misha and hummed into it softly.  He'd live with that insult.  It was well-earned, after all.  He shifted and wrapped an arm around Misha's waist, letting his eyes fall shut.  A nap sounded nice, and then a definite round two. 

 

"Hey Jen," Misha whispered. 

 

Jensen grunted. 

 

Misha grinned and leaned in, rubbing his nose against Jensen’s.  “You want to see, don’t you?” he asked. 

 

Jensen’s eyes snapped open a moment later, staring up at Misha.  “Yes!” 

 

Misha carefully pulled himself out and froze, staring at Jensen’s shoulder before he started laughing.  “Oh god, you’re going to kill me.” 

 

Jensen twisted a little and stared at the handprint on his shoulder.  “Misha, do I have your fucking handprint on me!?” he asked, unable to keep from grinning a little. 

 

“Yes,” Misha said, reaching out to fit his hand to it.  “A perfect fit, apparently!” 

 

Jensen groaned.  “I am never going to live down the fact that I have your _handprint_ on me.  Not ever.” 

 

Misha, of course, turned to him and gave a hugely unrepentant grin and Jensen couldn't help leaning up to kiss him.  When they pulled apart, he could see the eagerness in Misha's face, wanting to see what mark he had.  Jensen chuckled and pulled back and looked down Misha's chest and arms. 

 

Misha scrambled off Jensen's lap and huffed when he didn't see anything on his legs or arms.  "I swear to god, Jensen, if I have your mark on my ass..."

 

Jensen laughed, grinning as Misha turned around and then he froze, his breath freezing in his chest.  "Holy shit," he whispered, reaching out to touch Misha's back. 

 

"What?" Misha asked, trying to crane his head so he could look at the mark on his back.  "What?  Is it ugly?  Fuck, it's ugly, isn't it?  Just like you to give me an ugly soulmate-"

 

Jensen pressed a kiss to the initials that were in the upper middle of Misha's back, where the base of the wings disappeared into his back.  "No, no, it's incredible.  It's just..." he stared at it for a few minutes longer, then held out his hand.  "Give me your phone.  I'm not going to describe it properly." 

 

Misha reached over the side of the bed to grab his jeans and tugged his phone out, holding it over his shoulder to Jensen.  "Here." 

 

Jensen leaned in and pressed a kiss to Misha's shoulder.  "They're _beautiful_.  And _perfect_.  And god, so fucking you, Mish." 

 

"What on earth," Misha said, starting to laugh as Jensen held up his phone and took a picture of it. 

 

Jensen hummed and handed Misha his phone, then leaned in to nuzzle the arch of one of the wings.  Misha's entire back was a pair of black feathered wings.  Interspersed in the wings were green feathers that were the same color as his eyes, and blue feathers that were the color of Misha's.  Then, in the center, where the wings disappeared into Misha's back, their initials, tied together. 

 

"Your soulmate mark took up my entire back!" Misha shouted, dropping his phone, spinning around to pin Jensen to the bed.  "My entire, fucking Christ, _Jensen_ , I'm not going to be able to walk around without a shirt anymore!"

 

"Do a lot of walking around shirtless, do you?" Jensen teased, reaching up to run his fingers over the mark that he knew was there now. 

 

Misha growled and leaned down to suck a mark into Jensen's neck.  "That's not the point," he muttered into Jensen's neck. 

 

Jensen grinned and combed his fingers through Misha's hair.  "No, that's exactly the point.  I want you to walk around shirtless all of the time." 

 

Misha laughed against Jensen's skin.  "Possessive.  _Bastard_." 

 

"Yes," Jensen agreed, tugging on Misha's hair.  "But maybe I'll walk around shirtless too, and you can strut about the fact that you have your _handprint_ on me." 

 

"I like the sound of that," Misha said, grinning up at Jensen, licking his lips. 

 

Jensen pulled Misha in for another kiss, wrapping both of his arms around him, holding him tight.  He could feel Misha's delight, and love, dancing through the soulmate bond, the longer they remained tangled up.  "That does not surprise me." 

 

Misha hummed and sucked Jensen's lower lip into his mouth until he groaned, long and low.  Then he remembered that the only way he had actually seen the mark was thanks to a shitty cell phone camera.  He jumped out of bed a moment later.  "I need a mirror!" 

 

Jensen laughed and rolled out of bed.  "At least put some pants on, Mish." 

 

"Why, I'm planning on tumbling right back into bed with you as soon as I get a proper look at this thing!" Misha said, hurrying for the bathroom. 

 

Jensen followed Misha to the bathroom, and was about to ask where he had gotten the hand mirror when he caught sight of the look on Misha's face.  Misha looked...looked... _enraptured_.  "Mish?"

 

"The feathers," Misha whispered.  "The blue and green ones." 

 

Jensen smiled.  Of course Misha had noticed now that they were in better lighting.  "Yeah." 

 

"They're our eye colors," Misha added, staring at them.  "Your, your mark, is both of us." 

 

"Yeah," Jensen agreed, reaching out to run his fingers over the initials in the center of Misha's back.  "In more than one way, too."

 

Misha leaned into Jensen and put the mirror back on the counter.  He sighed. 

 

"Misha?" Jensen asked, pulling back just enough to see what was wrong.  "Is, is everything all right?" 

 

"No," Misha said with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest.  "You know what this means, don't you?" he asked, waving to his back. 

 

Jensen blinked and looked at the soulmate mark.  "Uh.  We're...soulmates?" 

 

Misha huffed out a breath.  "No, no, of course we know that bit, I meant the other very important piece of information this now tells us." 

 

"Uhhhhh," Jensen hesitated.  "I'm a possessive bastard and I’m lucky you love me?" 

 

"While also true," Misha agreed, reaching out to poke Jensen in the nose.  "Not what I am getting at." 

 

Jensen shrugged.  "Then what, precisely, Mish, are you getting at?" 

 

Misha gave another aggrieved sigh.  "I'm going to have to wear the dress at our wedding.  And it's going to have to be a _backless_ dress." 

 

Jensen opened his mouth and blinked a few times, trying to process that.  "I, uh, huh?" 

 

"Well, unless you want me wearing a tuxedo made for a stripper-" he grinned at the immediate scowl that got.  "I thought not, so I'll have to wear a dress.  And a backless one to show off the mark." 

 

Jensen swallowed hard and did his absolute best not to imagine Misha in a wedding dress, then gave up and let himself imagine it anyways.  "Uh.  Will I have to keep my hands off of you?" 

 

Misha laughed, his head falling back against Jensen's chest.  "Only long enough for us to get properly married, then you can throw me over your shoulder to have your wicked way with me."

 

Jensen grinned and pressed a kiss to Misha's neck.  "I don't need a wedding to have my wicked way with you." 

 

Misha shivered and tilted his head to the side, leaning back into Jensen.  "You most certainly do not.  However, it will be especially wonderful, and we can go somewhere where we spend two weeks doing nothing but have sex." 

 

Jensen snorted and nipped at Misha's neck.  "I'm more worried about telling our parents." 

 

"Why?" Misha asked, twisting around to look at Jensen. 

 

Jensen groaned and leaned into Misha, pressing their foreheads together.  He caught a glimpse of the red raised skin of the handprint and smiled.  "Because they're never going to let me live it down, just like you." 

 

Misha reached up and tweaked Jensen's nose.  "I'm sorry to tell you, but you deserve that after leaving me hanging for so long." 

 

Jensen huffed and smiled at Misha, leaning in to kiss him a little bit.  "I suppose I shall be willing to suffer," he teased. 

 

"You'd better!" Misha said, giving Jensen a push towards the bed.  "Or else I'll make you pay in all sorts of wonderful sexy ways." 

 

"That's not meant to actually make me behave, is it?" Jensen said, tugging Misha after him.  "Because if the punishment is going to be sexy times with you..." 

 

Misha smirked.  "Then I think you know exactly what I'm going to do to make sure that you end up behaving, don't you?" 

 

Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes.  "Tease." 

 

Misha flopped back on the bed and stretched out on the sheets.  "Yes, _always_.  Especially for you." 

 

Jensen relaxed and smiled, climbing on top of Misha, settling between his legs.  "Especially for me, huh?  I almost think that you prefer me." 

 

Misha hummed and pulled Jensen down and into another kiss.  "Maybe.  There's a sight preference.  Only a _slight_ one though." 

 

"Mmmm," Jensen agreed, leaning in to kiss Misha again. 

 

They didn't talk for a long time after that.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

Age Twenty-Two

 

"I don't wanna tell your Mom, she's scary," Jensen said, glaring at Misha, clenching his hand tight. 

 

"My Mom is not scary, she's just a little... _protective_ ," Misha said, leaning in and kissing Jensen on the cheek.  "Don't worry, I promise that I'll protect you." 

 

"Bullshit," Jensen whispered, pressing the doorbell.  "You're going to leave me to her at the soonest possible second." 

 

Misha smirked and chuckled into Jensen's ear.  "You know me too well.  But I promise that I'm going to make it worth your while!" 

 

Jensen coughed and glared at Misha as the door opened.  He forced a smile to his lips, grinning up at Misha's mother.  "Hello, Rebecca, how are you doing?" 

 

Rebecca took one look at the boys in front of her and knew that something was different.  She looked at the way they were holding hands and smiled, raising both eyebrows.  "I'm doing well.  Apparently not as well as you two." 

 

Misha grinned and leaned up to kiss his Mom on the cheek.  "I'm going to go help Dad!  Make sure there are pieces of him left over for me when you're done, won't you?" 

 

Jensen swallowed and glared at Misha as he immediately headed for the back porch. He gave another hesitant smile to Rebecca.  "Yeah, we're both doing very well." 

 

"Come on in, Jensen." 

 

Jensen bit down on his lip and followed her into the kitchen.  At least from here, he could see Misha in the back with his father.  The sight was relaxing. 

 

"He's made you smile like that since you were five years old, do you know that?" 

 

Jensen immediately snapped back to attention and tried not to blush.  "I, I didn't...well.  Not for a while, at least," he managed. 

 

Rebecca chuckled and leaned against the counter, staring at the boy who was almost squirming in front of her.  "Are you happy with him?" 

 

"He's my soulmate," Jensen said, looking outside to where Misha was now standing next to the grill. 

 

"That's not what I asked, sweetheart.  Are you happy with him?"

 

Jensen smiled.  "Yes.  I don't think I can ever be really happy without him.  He's the other half of me." 

 

Rebecca smiled and poured herself as a glass of water, offering one to Jensen.  "You broke his heart.  Twice, actually." 

 

Jensen winced and bit down on his lip.  "I know.  I, I never meant to.  When we were younger, when we were sixteen, I didn't, I was scared," he finished lamely, staring down at the table. 

 

"Do you regret it?" she asked. 

 

Jensen swallowed down a small gulp of water after he was given the glass.  "Only partially."  He watched both of her eyebrows raise and he hurried to explain.  "I hate that I hurt him, and I'll regret that forever.  But, he, he learned to fight.  He wasn't having me fight his battles for him.  He stood up to me the first time I tried to apologize and shouted at me," he looked down at the table and took a deep breath. 

 

"I think that, by doing that, he learned to fight his own battles.  I was afraid he wouldn't need me anymore, but I am so, so proud of him for learning to do that," Jensen said.  "So I can't regret it.  Not completely." 

 

Rebecca hummed.  "I suppose that's fair.  And the second time?"

 

Jensen bit down on his lip.  "Forgive me for asking, but what was the second time?" 

 

"You suggested someone else was his soulmate?" she offered, raising her eyebrows at him. 

 

" _Oh_ ," Jensen whispered.  "That one, we cleared that up the next morning.  I was drunk, and, that's no excuse, but I missed him so much, and I thought he was leaving me behind for one of our mutual friends and…I was stupid." 

 

"Misha called me crying, afterward," Rebecca said.  "He said that after years of keeping it in, that had been the one thing he couldn't take you saying.  That you would kick him out." 

 

Jensen shook his head.  "No, no, _never_.  We, well, we talked the next morning and got the rest of our stuff sorted." 

 

Rebecca nodded and smiled.  "Good.  I am glad to hear that.  I'm sure that your mother is happy as well?" 

 

Jensen laughed and looked over to Misha again.  "He got a bigger hug than I did.  And then she apologized for me taking so long." 

 

Rebecca laughed.  That sounded like Donna.  "Yes, we were both worried that you wouldn't figure things out after college happened." 

 

Jensen shrugged and smiled.  "We ended up where we needed to be.  That's all that's important to me at the end of the day.  How we got here?  _Well_.  That's just the story we tell." 

 

"Very, very true," Rebecca said, watching Jensen take another sip of water.  "Now, go outside and wrap yourself around him, I can tell that you want to." 

 

Jensen gave her a delighted grin and dashed outside.  Probably eager to get away, thinking that he got off easy.  She rolled her eyes and picked up the phone, dialing a number she'd had memorized for years now. 

 

"Please tell me that you read him the riot act!" 

 

Rebecca laughed.  "You do it so much better than me, why would I?" 

 

"Sixteen years!  It took them sixteen years!" Donna said, rolling her eyes.  "Heaven forbid they didn't have that shouting match, we'd still be waiting for them!" 

 

"Well, they got there, didn't they?  Better than the two of them off being idiots on their own." 

 

"True," Donna agreed with a huff.  "I have promised your son cookies for life as a result of mine being such an idiot." 

 

"Did Misha tell you that he's already planning the wedding?" Rebecca asked, grinning at her son through the window, unable to keep from smiling as Misha leaned into the possessive arm around his waist from Jensen. 

 

"No!  Is he?" 

 

Rebecca laughed again.  "Oh yes.  He's apparently going to be wearing the dress, since it's fitting for their soulmate marks." 

 

Donna snorted and washed her hands in the sink.  "Oh dear.  _Well_.  I have no doubt that he will look absolutely gorgeous and Jensen will end up crying at the altar." 

 

"You got that right.  I'm sure he'll reach out to you for help at some point," Rebecca added.  "Though he's already picked out the colors and location-"

 

"Goodness, he's been busy!"

 

"Well," Rebecca said.  "He has had sixteen years to think about this." 

 

"That's fair.  Where do they want to get married?" 

 

"An orchard, about thirty minutes away." 

 

Donna sighed happily.  "That will do wonderfully.  Excellent, I'm glad to hear that."  She took a deep breath.  "Well, I'll leave you to whip those two into shape tonight.  I need to get back to finishing up dinner." 

 

"We'll be in touch with the wedding plans, I know it," Rebecca said, grinning into the phone. 

 

"Oh yes.  If I know my son, he'll call me panicking at least three or four times.  We'll need to make sure we're there the entire time," Donna agreed. 

 

"Exactly what I was thinking." 

 

 

 

 

~!~

 

 

 

 

Age Twenty-Two (The Wedding)

 

Jensen fidgeted with his tie for the third or fourth time, checking how straight it was.  He took a deep breath. 

 

"It's going to be fine." 

 

Jensen smiled at his brother and nodded.  "I know, I know.  We went through this in rehearsal, everything is going to be good to go..." 

 

"Right, and you and Misha are fucking stupid for each other, so it's not like anything is going to happen." 

 

"You're so reassuring," Jensen grumbled, glaring at his brother, right as the music for the wedding march started. 

 

A string quartet cover of _'Sexy and I Know It'_ began to play and Jensen burst out laughing, watching as Misha started to walk down the aisle.  "I thought we'd said no to this as a wedding march!" he called. 

 

Misha shrugged and winked at Jensen.  "I like it." 

 

"Of course you do," Jensen said, biting down on his lip as Misha walked closer.  The dress was perfect on Misha, and he looked like he had been born to wear it, the soft dove gray fabric matching him in all the best ways.  As promised, it was backless (and had a train, which Misha had yet to master not tripping on), and Jensen couldn't help shaking his head and smiling. 

 

Baring your soulmarks as part of the ceremony was tradition (as long as they were in an appropriate spot), and Jensen could hear the gasps from everyone as Misha made his way up to the altar.  When Misha stopped in front of him, he had to wipe his eyes for a moment, because _fuck_ , he'd never thought a day like this would happen. 

 

"Ha!  Got you crying!" Misha said, grinning brightly at Jensen. 

 

"I hate you," Jensen grumbled, wiping at his eyes. 

 

The minister cleared her throat and Jensen smiled at her.  "All right, sorry, take us away." 

 

Even though they'd walked through the entire ceremony the day before, Jensen didn't remember any of it.  He could only remember Misha's eyes and how gorgeous they looked, and how steady his hands were when they finally had permission to hold them together. 

 

"Now, you have both written your own vows?" 

 

Misha grinned and nodded.  "Yeah." 

 

Jensen cleared his throat and nodded as well.  "Yes." 

 

"All right.  Misha?" 

 

Misha took a deep breath and squeezed Jensen's hands.  "I know that vows are supposed to be about love and devotion.  I just wanted to remind you that I am going to spend every day of the rest of our lives together reminding you that I knew first, and it took you sixteen years to get a clue." 

 

A few chuckles from the audience helped Jensen not to burst into tears as Misha held onto his hands. 

 

Misha smiled up at Jensen and squeezed his hands.  "I also want to remind you that I _waited_.  Because I knew you were it for me.  I knew, from the very first moment that you rescued me from that playground, that you were it.  That I wanted to spend every single moment I could around you, because of how much more I felt myself with you." 

 

Jensen squeezed Misha's hands tighter and blinked fast. 

 

"I love you, but those words don't do justice to what I feel for you.  I love how you make me feel, how you've never hated my weirdness, or whenever I come up with interesting ideas and plans," he said, winking at Jensen. 

 

Jensen laughed a little and coughed, holding onto Misha's hands, a tear slipping down his cheek. 

 

"No one makes me angrier, no one makes me happier, and there is no one on this earth that I would rather spend the rest of my life with.  For better, worse, and then better again, I'm yours, Jen." 

 

" _Fuck_ ," Jensen whispered, pulling Misha in for a kiss, memorizing the taste of his lips for the hundredth time over until the minister cleared her throat again. 

 

"Your vows, Jensen?" 

 

"Right, shit," Jensen swore.  "I don't know how I'm supposed to follow that up, you ass." 

 

Misha gave a delighted laugh and Jensen grinned at him again. 

 

"You aren't, that's it!" Misha said, winking at Jensen. 

 

"You wouldn't let me get away with not saying anything for my vows and you know it," Jensen grumbled, squaring his shoulders, taking a deep breath. 

 

"Mish.  I love you."  He smiled when bright blue eyes snapped to his a moment later.  "No, that's not it, so don't ask." 

 

A few chuckles from the crowd made him relax.  "I think a part of me has loved you just as long as you have known we were soulmates.  There is a part of me that knows that when I am with you?  I am never lacking, and I am the best that I can ever possibly be." 

 

Jensen took a deep breath.  "And you are welcome to tease me every day for the rest of our lives about how you knew before I did.  Either way, I ended up with you, and that is all that is important to me." 

 

Misha sucked in a small gasp, blinking hard. 

 

"Now," Jensen said, squeezing Misha's hand again.  "We talk about how you were the first to know.  And I'll tell you a secret...in front of everyone..." Their families laughed and Jensen smiled at Misha. 

 

"You had my first kiss, Misha."  Bright blue eyes went wide and stared at him in shock.  "You were my first kiss and from that moment on, I knew, I _knew_ that you were going to be my last one, too." 

 

"Oh fuck, now I'm crying," Misha grumbled, wiping at his eyes.  "Fuck you, Jensen," he muttered, wiping the tears off of his face. 

 

Jensen laughed and grinned again.  "You put it far better than I ever could, Mish.  But just know that I am going to spend the rest of my life teasing you just as much as you tease me.  I am going to do my best to make you laugh and smile every single day of our lives." 

 

Misha gave a hoarse laugh and stared at Jensen. 

 

"But, even better than that," Jensen promised, stepping closer so he could press his forehead against Misha's.  "I am going to tease you forever about the fact that your mark is a damn handprint, you possessive bastard," he whispered. 

 

Jensen stumbled when Misha yanked him into a kiss and he melted, wrapping his arms tight around Misha.

 

"Well, I was going to say that you could now kiss your husband, but since you two seem overeager, I'll just remind you that you still have a party to get through before you get to go on the honeymoon!" 

 

Jensen grinned and pulled back from Misha, pressing a kiss to his nose.  "Yes.  Must maintain some form of decorum." 

 

"Now, gentlemen," the minister said.  "Would you like to do a baring of the soulmate marks?" 

 

Misha looked over his shoulder and grinned.  "There's a reason I wore the dress!" 

 

Jensen took off his jacket and handed it to his brother, following it quickly with the vest, tie and shirt.  He heard a few surprised sounds from their families at the sight of the handprint and he grinned at Misha.  "Maybe we both should have worn dresses." 

 

"Psh," Misha scoffed.  "I look far better in a dress and you know it."

 

Jensen glanced down at the sight of Misha in the dress and whistled.  “I’m not going to argue with you.” 

 

“Horndog,” Misha grumbled. 

 

Jensen leaned down to whisper in Misha’s ear.  “Says the guy who gets hard any time he looks at my damn handprint…”

 

Misha blushed and elbowed Jensen.  “We are in public!” 

 

“I have no doubt that that won’t ever stop you,” Jensen teased, kissing Misha’s ear. 

 

“Well,” Misha said, leaning into Jensen.  “You’re right there.  Especially when it comes to you, Jen.”

 

“How long until we could get out of here?”  Jensen asked, presenting his mark to the people in the church, smiling at Misha.

 

Misha hummed and leaned into the soft kiss from Jensen.  “A couple of hours, a few dances.  I might be wearing a surprise for you under this dress.” 

 

Jensen pulled back and stared at Misha, groaning low in his throat.  “Misha, that wasn’t fair.” 

 

The rest of the ceremony flew by and Jensen didn’t remember any of it.  He remembered how good Misha’s hand felt in his, and how wide Misha smiled, and how beautiful his eyes looked when they were dancing together. 

 

After the party had gotten into full swing, Jensen tugged Misha into the hallway and then down to the limo that was waiting for them. 

 

“We’re not going to get pelted with rice, as is tradition?” Misha asked, giggling as he tripped over his dress heading for the limo. 

 

“Nope!” Jensen said, tugging Misha into the limo after him.  “We have a plane to catch.” 

 

Misha raised both of his eyebrows.  “A plane?” 

 

Jensen grinned and reached out to tease a finger along Misha’s collarbone.  “Mmmhmm.  Did you think I wasn’t going to take you on a honeymoon?” 

 

Misha’s eyes went wide and he stared at Jensen.  “ _What_?” 

 

“You have the next two weeks off of work.  Your Mom packed your suitcase for you yesterday.  I set up the hotel and the plane, and we’re going to get good and lost,” Jensen promised, reaching out to cup Misha’s face in his hand, pulling him in for a kiss. 

 

Misha blinked again and reached out to hit Jensen.  “You did all of this without me!” 

 

Jensen laughed and grabbed both of Misha’s hands, giving them a small squeeze.  “You bet that I did.  Consider it the first in a very, very long line of apologies, that will last the rest of our lives.” 

 

“Apologies?  For what?” Misha asked, grinning into another kiss from Jensen. 

 

“For making you wait sixteen years for me,” Jensen whispered, kissing Misha’s forehead.  “It is going to require so much groveling, and I figure a proper wedding night in a hotel where you can see the Eiffel Tower from the bedroom is the best way to start.” 

 

“The Eiffel Tower?!” Misha screeched.  “We’re going to Paris and you didn’t _tell_ me?!” 

 

Jensen laughed and pulled Misha into another kiss.  “Yes.”  He would keep the rest of Europe secret.  He couldn’t give all of his surprises away at once. 

 

“I hate you,” Misha mumbled into Jensen’s lips. 

 

“No you don’t,” Jensen whispered, pulling Misha closer. 

 

“Heh,” Misha said between kisses, melting into Jensen.  “You’re right.  I don’t.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double chapter for the unintentional fandom hiatus I took! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: 
> 
> [Aria-Lerendeair ](http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/)
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! [Find my livestream here!](http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317)


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